Tuesday, November 30, 2010

That's Pretty Measly.

Having the measles that is.

Yes, I was immunized.

When I moved to San Antonio they checked my immunity as new studies showed that adults needed boosters. I was not immune, so they gave me a booster.

I moved to Oklahoma. My hospital checked my immunity. Still not converted! So, they gave me a booster...

With no follow up.

Guess what? I apparently never converted!

So, here I sit, aching in my joints, red and blotchy skin, and running fever. The computer hurts my eyes. I get motion sick trying to read. The television is boring. I can't go to the library to check out books on tape.

I am bored.

I am pitiful.

I have nothing amusing to say about any of this.

I can't even Christmas shop online as I'm already getting a headache from this post!


Sunday, November 28, 2010

They Are Hanging Too Low. And I'm a Sore Loser.

My Grandma Dolly requested we all get together for Thanksgiving. This was the group that was able to make it. I won't bore you with the list...All you need to realize is this: The pasty white bunch is all part of my mother's descendants (inherited from my dad).
We were supposed to make s funny face, however only my sisters & I complied. Unfortunately I had already moved on to talking.

My stomach is upset. I think I ate too much junk food and my stomach is rebelling. Actually, it wasn't junk, just too much rich food I wouldn't normally eat.

Biting my lips to make them red. I realized I was without lipstick, and I was biting my lip between every photo to try and get some color in them. Lame.

My fabulous sister (soon to be famous author, have you bought her book?) and her husband made themselves crazy getting some Christmas decorations made for us. Our gift was a snowman and three ho's....As in Ho Ho Ho...

And I quote: Lift your chest up and out girls, they are hanging too low.
From an undisclosed contributor to posing etiquette.

Get your mind out of the gutter people!

I will post a picture at some point. When I actually have one.

Of the Snowman and his hos. Are you following this conversation?

Studmuffin put them in the yard today. He's hoping to avoid couples counseling resulting from lack of outdoor Christmas cheer this year...

He felt that a surgery on December 3rd exonerated him from hanging lights.

Silly man.

Losing poorly at Spinners.
My goal: Don't let David win. I was successful. You just never outgrow sibling rivalry!

We had a happy Thanksgiving. We got together with Studmuffin's family on Thursday.

NO. I have no pictures of that day.

Saturday we got together with my mother's family.

As per usual, I was either talking, or eating, or doing some other equally flattering pose to share with you. Aren't you glad?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Creepiness and This Post Involves Discussion of Body Parts

Today is a day of random thoughts.

I will share them as best as I can keep up with them.

My doctor was 90 minutes late for work. When he got there, I immediately gave him a game plan, and asked about adding on more cases. I felt as if he was going to be somehow annoyed that we would be there 3 hours longer than planned, even though he was late. I felt the need to explain. Have any of you had to sit through my explanations? Let me apologize for that.

He said to no one in particular "she's not even letting me talk." I blushed and replied, "Sorry, too much caffeine with only a piece of banana bread for food. I'm jittery." Then I fear I launched into an explanation of my symptoms.

Which he didn't need.

Did you know that one time he asked me to work a patient up really quick for him, and I outright said, "No. I need food and I'm not doing one more case until I get some peanut butter in me." To say he was surprised and speechless is a slight understatement. He has since made a point to never let me get to hungry, and he makes sure everyone working with me knows, "Make sure Andi gets some food. She gets cranky when she's hungry."

One of my patients was positive for cocaine and pot. He was using a toothbrush to scratch his itchy skin.

Another patient told me I was pretty when he first saw me. I blushed, said "thanks" in a strangled laugh, uncomfortable voice and tried to move on. He stared. I asked if he was hurting, "No. My nurse on the floor gave me some ativan and pain medicine and I'm feeling pretty loose right now. But, don't worry, I won't fall asleep with a beautiful woman next to me."

And he stared.

And I got hot and sweaty and blushed and ran off.

Did I say he was only 44?

Please, by all that is good and holy, any men that are reading this, never comment on a nurse's appearance until you are well into your 70s. At that age we will smile and flirt back, but until then it's just creepy.

When I had to assist the PA to drain fluid off of his abdomen, I refused to make eye contact with him, but instead chose to look at his swallowed 2 watermelons belly...But he still stared.

Oh. And he wasn't wearing a shirt.


Attention all men: If you are around me, I need you to wear a shirt. Because, really where am I supposed to look?

I don't let Studmuffin work in the yard without a shirt.

You realize the shirt thing only applies to public? I walked into a patient's room to take him to our department the other day, and he was stark naked except for a small towel draped like a loin cloth. He was burning up with fever, and he was miserable. "I bet you're going to make me put on clothes to go with you," he said as his wife applied a fresh cold cloth to his neck and forehead.

"Nope! But, you do have to cover up with a sheet. I'd hate to shock anyone going down the hall."

He didn't embarrass me or make me uncomfortable at all.

I have been compiling my Christmas list. Yep. I actually have one for myself! Popcorn informed me I was being selfish like she was last year.

Just a heads up: K Cups are on the list. As is an ereader, so any Amazon gift cards would be appreciated.

Speaking of body parts: One time a certain someone told me they were glad they had small breasts, as they wouldn't ever sag. I hate to tell all of you small breasted women, but whether they are big or little, when you reach a certain age, you will find yourself picking them up to put them in your bra cup. It's just a matter of whether you have to roll them up or simply scoop and place.

Just an observation I've made.

A question that I often ponder as I observe patient lives is this: When do women change to the little black shoe with the thin little lace as their only pair of shoes? Why does this happen?

Also, I need all women to pay attention and let me know what age the hair on your legs stop growing. I'm ready to begin the countdown, so please tell me double quick when you hit that milestone.

I fear it is about the same time the hair on your chin needs shaved.

So. Who knew my random thoughts were going to be all about body parts?

Certainly not me!

My brain is a scary place to be.

Now, before I can over think this and add more random gibberish, I will sign off.

Saturday, November 20, 2010


The girls and I went Christmas shopping.

We visited our church's quilt show.

I put 96 pictures in an album. I journaled by every single picture. Because every single picture needed some sort of explanation or wise crack. The pictures ranged from June 2009 to November 2010. It took me hours just to sort through my digital albums and decide what simply HAD to be printed.

This is the mental image I carry of my dad. Work shirt, jeans and boots, doing farm stuff. Mom is always in the kitchen when I visualize her. Where do you visualize your parents?

I talked to an old friend from Texas that I haven't chatted with in months. I'm pretty sure she remembered that I'm a chatter box after our 90 minute conversation.

I moved my clutter from one place to another while we chatted. Does that count as accomplishing anything?

I need to make food for the church Thanks4Giving dinner tomorrow.

I also have to bring food to work Tuesday.

Studmuffin emailed me a link about his company party on Wednesday. He seemed to think I'd have an idea what he should sign up to bring.

My reply was as follows:

And I'm receiving this because? You realize your daughter is home sick today? I was so thrown off kilter that I've decided I will not accomplish one solitary thing today. She clearly needs my undivided attention, and I cannot be dettered from that goal... I have a potluck at work Tuesday too. I plan on taking ham and noodles to my coworkers. I don't know what to tell you about your lunch... Let me know how that works out for ya!

Your gracious and subserviant wife.
His reply:

I just thought you might have a suggestion as to what I should sign up for based on what we have that I can fix.

Nice save Studmuffin.

Nice save.

Speaking of Studmuffin, he's hunting this weekend.

I miss him. I'm pretty sure it's his fault that I haven't been more productive this weekend. When he's here I'm constantly doing things because I want him to get off the couch and do his honey-dos...

Whereas when he's off fishing or hunting I become completely unproductive and go into an immediate vegetative state.

Is that sick and wrong or what?

Just being real here.

Alright. I'm off to bake brownies, file some piles of papers that seem to be multiplying at alarming rates, and probably drink some coffee.

Did I tell you I bought a Kuerig? That thing has brought me more pleasure than anything I've bought for myself since I was in 8th grade and used my money to buy myself a trampoline. They were both totally frivolous, unnecessary purchases, and they both made me literally giggle with glee every time I looked at them.

Attention: I fear my coffee consumption could skyrocket in the near future. Good thing I'm at work so dang much, since I don't have time to fantasize about my next cup of coffee there.

On a completely random note, here's my facebook status today:

I've recently realized that laziness is a slippery slope...And then you just lay down and slide further in because it's easier than doing all the stuff you haven't been doing. Then the stuff never goes away, so you figure, "Oh well, what's the point" and the cycle continues. Not that I'm speaking from experience...

In closing: Grease is currently on TV Land. What yahoo actually thought these characters looked anything like high school kids? They all look minimum mid 20s...

Okay, I'm really finished now.

Over and out.

Friday, November 19, 2010


I'm having them.

They just don't want to fly from my brain to my fingertips in the form of a blog.

On a brighter note, my nanny gave me a revelation about myself yesterday. I said, "Darn, I forgot to buy milk on my way home. Oh well," and I ate a spoonful of peanut butter.

She then pointed out to me that most people feel they are out of food when they have no bread, milk and eggs. If I'm out of peanut butter I'm out of food as far as I'm concerned. I can never run out of peanut butter.


It's inconceivable...What would I eat?

Speaking of eating, I didn't eat at work today. Not because I didn't have time, but because I honestly didn't think of it until it was nearly time to leave, so I just left a few minutes early.

Then, I ran to Walmart to pick up some photos I'd gotten developed (the first pictures I've developed in a year and a half.) I then realized I was starving, and had to fight myself to buy only what I came for.

Then, I went to Braum's. I'm proud to report I bought milk, tortillas, apples and bananas. I started eating a banana on my way to the car.

Oh, and as far as not eating at work? I don't know what happened there. One of the physician assistants I work with offered me a sample of an energy drink...

My coworkers begged me not to do it, then promptly decided we'd split one three ways. I didn't notice an energy boost, but I do know I wasn't hungry until 2pm. I ate breakfast at 6am, so that's pretty amazing.

Most would say I don't need energy, I'm hyper enough as it is, however, I've had the darnedest time getting out of bed at my normal 5am time. Seriously. It's all I can do to drag myself up and start getting around. And, as soon as supper is over I'm absolutely wiped out, and can barely make myself clean the kitchen. On my days off, I'm accomplishing little.

So, I thought I'd give this Zilla drink a try. You only drink 0.75 ounces of it. Maybe that's why I wasn't hungry? Who knows.

Well, I'm off to start scrap booking, which I'm actually officially quitting. I bought a plain old album with lines to journal, and I'm just stickin' my photos in...

I am so rebellious.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

How Cool is That?

God smacked me on the forehead today. Don't worry. It was a good smack. One of those, "WOW!" moments.

I'm reading Romans, one chapter a day. Chewing on it. Thinking about it. Really trying to digest what I'm reading...Is anyone hungry now?

Today's reading was chapter 5. Heavy stuff.

Do you have a commentary that you read along with your Bible? I love mine. It is called
Believer's Bible Commentary by William MacDonald. God used this book to bring home His truth to me this morning. It helps my feeble brain wrap around some big concepts.

God can have nothing to do with sin. Yet while we were all still dead in our sins, He sent Christ.

His only son. The God and creator of the universe.

To die for us.

For me....

He paid the cost of my sins.

If God called me while I was dead in my sins, and I know that sin makes me an enemy of God, if He called me to Himself in that condition, how much more will He do for me as a precious child?


Next came verse 12. Death came through Adam. Sin was now in the world. All man now lived in separation from God due to their sin, which all began with Adam. Even before the law was given. They were still sinners....


Okay, I gotta say it. My brain asked the question that every "good" Christian shrinks from.

Why did God allow sin? If He had never allowed sin, then He would never have had to make the immense sacrifice of dying and bearing the burden of the entire world's sin!

Why did He allow it?


More blessing?

That's right! More BLESSING.

All Adam had to do was follow God's one command to him "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." (Genesis 1:16b-17)

We all know he ate it.

The big dummy. I get irritated with him and Eve every time I read it. Probably because I'm just like them. My husband says a sure fire way to get me to do something is tell me I can't do it. Don't you just hate when you are all mad at some idiot, then realize you are a whole lot like them?

But what if Adam hadn't eaten the fruit?

Man would still be living in the Garden of Eden. Life would be easy. Every little need provided. We'd still be meeting up with God every so often for an occasional stroll and chat.

BUT man would not have hope of eternity spent in HEAVEN with Jesus Christ, as an heir of Christ, being like Christ forever.

These blessings came only through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ.

Which would never have been necessary without the fall of man.

So through one tragic event, the first sin of man, God planned the blessing of every man who will come to Him through His son: Jesus Christ.

How cool is that?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Table Manners for Rednecks

It is impolite to lick the steak on one's plate. I'm not even sure why one might try this. However, in anticipation of waiting for prayer, one may be strangely compelled. Please. By all that is good and holy, try to resist.

Incredibly loud, moist belches loosed by a 10 year old are NOT funny. Even if they come from a ten year old girl in the middle of a word. I'm quite certain it is bad form.

It is especially bad form if the laughter, caused by the 3 syllable moist burp from the mouth a of a ten year old girl, leads to spewing chewed carrots all over one's plate. This offense is even more grievous if the offender is the mother, and therefore the example of gentle manners for the entire family.

Roasting marshmallows over the gas stove is acceptable. Or, at least if it's not it should be. Who wants to go light a fire every time the urge for a s'more comes on?

However, stopping to fish one's graham cracker crumbs out of your cleavage (or what there is of it) is not acceptable. I fear there is really no area for gray in this department.

Gentle Reader, I'm not sure, but I fear my hopes of having a gently reared family may be flying out the window.


Monday, November 8, 2010


Our community had trick or treating on the 30th. We had some friends over for feasting on chili dogs, s'mores, bean soup, and coconut cake, and homemade popcorn balls, followed by trick or treating. Because how tragic if we didn't get enough treats for the evening!

Guess what? I didn't take any pictures of my kids in costume.

Because, clearly. Nobody finds that remotely interesting. And, I'm pretty sure my kids will NEVER want to reminisce about costumes of yore.

That being said, I did take pictures of Bookworm and her friend playing in the fire.

And Studmuffin admiring his creation.

And this dog begging for a s'more.

An, the next day I took pictures of the girls pumpkins. Popcorn's is a kitty. Bookworm stuck with the traditional jack-o-lantern face.

I saved my pumpkin to make pumpkin puree.

'Cause I'm just homey that way.

As per usual, Studmuffin's was a reflection of death and destruction.

'Cause he's just redneck that way.

I will finish this highly informative post with a quote from Bookworm as we were eating chili this week. She was reaching for her third bowl. "You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take the Texas out of the girl."

Amen and Amen.

Friday, November 5, 2010

What Happens When Kids Are Home Alone: Photographic Evidence

The scene: Thursday. 4pm. My house.

I got a phone call.

"Mommy! We are home alone!"

"Rachel isn't there?"

"NO Mommy! We got home and nobody is here!"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. We're fine."

"Okay. I will call Rachel and see what's going on."

As it turns out, Gentle Reader, Rachel was there with in seconds of my hanging up the phone. I called her, and she was walking in my front door.

Today I found these pictures of Kelsey, taken in the few minutes before the girls called me. Now, doesn't it look like they were living in fear for their lives, and wondering who was supposed to be taking care of them?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Today I Was an Idiot!

Did you go vote today?

Well, I sure as shootin' did.

I made sure and left the house in plenty of time to drop off our overdue movies at the library and still get to the poles BEFORE they open so I could high tail it to work...

Did I mention my coffee maker is broken? This statement may seem irrelevant, but hang on, you will soon understand, Gentle Reader.

I turned left at the light in our little town, and was surprised to see several cars heading toward the library.

"Well, lookey there! There is a big ole sign saying, 'vote here!' I thought I had to go the church to vote! How convenient is this?"

I dropped my movies in the drop box and be-bopped myself to the voters' line. There were already at least 10 or 15 people in front of me...And it was only 6:50 am. I smugly patted myself on the back for being so prepared and clever to beat the crowds.

Guess what? I was at the wrong place!

"I don't have you on my list ma'am," said lovely helpful voter lady.

In a rush, I realize my blunder.

"I think I'm supposed to be at the church..." I began to blush. And sweat. I suddenly regretted the fleece jacket I had thrown on over my scrubs.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to call and make sure?"

"No, that's okay. I think I voted there last time." Read here: I voted there the last 2 times I voted. Reader, I have no idea WHAT I was thinking!

So. I get to the proper polling place.

SCORE!! No line.

I fill out my ballot. I was feeling quite smug. I had done my homework, Gentle Reader. I had a list of who I was voting for, and I had a list of answers to the ELEVEN state questions on the ballot. I picked it up, and began to scan it as I walked to drop it off.

Guess what?

I had filled in one of my votes WRONG!! Really. What is the point of the cheat sheet if you still can't get it right? I asked for a new ballot, filled in the appropriate blanks for a destroyed ballot, and went back and voted correctly....

THEN, I drove to work.

I clocked in.

Went in the door that leads DIRECTLY to the break room.

And I brewed myself a cup of coffee.

Amen and Amen.

BUT WAIT! That's not the end! Oh, no!

I had a small child care issue today. As in, the girls rode the bus home but had to come home to an empty house. We had the whole plan for that in place, including emergency drills... It went off smoothly. I ended up getting home about 10 minutes after they did.

I sat down and read through our mail. I snarfed down some corn chips. Had a moment of self loathing for choosing those over a banana. I ate a banana. I debated a cup of coffee...I scoffed at my lack of exercise recently...

I realized it was time to head to piano. I thought of the lovely walking track that circles our church. I changed out of my scrubs, and into my workout gear, then tossed my scrubs in my bag lest I get called to work (I take call on Mondays and Tuesdays.) I grabbed my shoes, yelled at the kids to get in the car, and left for the church.

That's right. The church.

Where we have piano.

AND voting is taking place.

AND, as it happens, directory photos were being taken.

Guess what I was wearing? I was planning on walking the outdoor track and doing a disgusting amount of lunges. I was not planning on seeing a soul except the piano teacher.

I had on skin tight workout pants.

Seriously. Skin tight.


I ended up just doing half the track. All of the back half so as not to be seen.

I came in to grab the girls after piano. Bookworm was still in her lesson. In a moment of silliness, I was carrying Popcorn around....

A man in a suit walked by me...said an awkward, "hello" and darted into the bathroom...

You see, I was holding Popcorn spread eagled upside down...She had been standing with her legs spread. I swooped down and ducked under her legs, picking her up, so that her head was at my rear, and her feet were up in the air on either side of my head. She was yelling things like, "Mom! You really let one rip! Peeeyoooo! That is raunchy! Oh man, that REALLY stinks!" And so on.

No. I had not done any such thing.

But man in the suit did not know that crazy lady in the skin tight pants holding her daughter in a MOST improper way did not decide to let one rip.

And that, Gentle Reader, is the end of my humiliating chronicles.

For today at least.