Rodents on the Run

Studmuffin can be pretty smug. He read my True Love Story. He said he knew I was in love with him that night. So much for thinking he's modest! He reminded me that he gave me a little peck good night, and I grabbed his face and planted a big ole smacker on him. I'm sure he exaggerates. That seems more forward than friendly....I'm sure I was just....friendly!

My mom saved me from complete Valentine Chocolate deprivation. She showed up with some Lindt truffles. Thank heavens. Now I don't have to harbor secret bitterness about that for the next 12 months!

Our day got off to an exciting start yesterday. Ava was missing from her cage. It seems her cage door was left open at some point Saturday. Studmuffin had been dreaming about hearing a mouse chewing....We found a gerbil dropping in the hallway...Another in the living room. It was almost time for church, and I was really dreading spending my Sunday nap time looking for a gerbil that could really be anywhere. I had finished getting everyone ready and was ironing my shirt. A dark object ran out from under our bed, then darted back. I screamed. Of course. Then I cheered. Yay, now I know where Ava is! Apparently that dream about a mouse chewing was Ava chewing under our bed! She ran back out and under again. I couldn't help it...I screamed again. I couldn't help it. I'm not at all frightened of Ava. It's just the suggestion of a rodent running out from under my bed that makes me squeal like a girl. Studmuffin came in, and caught the little booger. She's normally very slow and awkward. It seems she had the taste of freedom, and she wasn't giving up without a fight. We ran her out from under the bed. She ran behind the night stand. Then she ran under a pile of pillows. Studmuffin trapped her, lifted her, and she LEAPED out and dove under the chest of drawers, but fortunately came out the other side. We finally got her cornered under the flap of a box. Studmuffin reached in and grasped her very firmly while returning the little escape artist to her cage.

So, the trauma of Ava's escape reminded me of a story....Aren't you excited?

When I was in high school, I always slept until the last possible moment. My mom was my bus driver, so I had to be on the bus at 6:50 in the morning. I would do my makeup on the way to school, and even had a butane curling iron to help me achieve the appropriate 90s big bangs. I would usually eat a very nutritious breakfast of chocolate cake, or something equally healthy. Anyway, I am not a morning person. I don't do well with intelligent thought in the early moments of waking...This particular morning was no exception.

I woke up to my alarm, and my mom's usual chipper "Good morning!" Sometimes she even SANG! Ugh!I resisted the urge to throw something at her, and stumbled out of bed to the smell of fresh pancakes and hot maple syrup. My mom made pancakes every morning, and she used to even make her own syrup...But, by this point she had fallen from her tower of idealism, and resorted to buying maple syrup and heating it in the microwave. I hated the smell and taste of maple syrup for years. Remember, I'm not a morning person, and I associated that smell with early mornings and chipper parents...Not a good combo for a cranky teenager.

So, I digressed. Forgive me....

I stumbled out of bed, and went directly to the bathroom across the hall. I assumed my usual position. Elbows on knees. Head in hands. Eyes closed. Something ran across my foot. I cracked one eye open....There was a mouse between my bare toes and the wall. I shrieked. This startled the monster, and it ran BACK across my foot, and squeezed between the hamper door, and disappeared (we had a built in hamper.)

I totally freaked out at this point. I jumped up on the toilet, with one foot on either side of the bowl and continued to scream and shriek. My dad came busting in the bathroom, sure I was dying a horrible death, to find me in my Donald Duck nightgown, with my panties around my ankles, standing on the toilet, screaming....For no immediately apparent reason.

"M-m-m-m-mouse! Mouse! MOUSE! MOUSE!!!!"

"Where?" he asked.

"It r-r-r-r-rannnn u-u-u-u-under th-th-th-the h-h-h-hh-h-h-h-hammp-p-p-p-perrr!" More crying and wailing and general hysteria.

Dad opens the hamper. No mouse. He unhinges it, so it can open up flat. No mouse. You see, the access to get under the house was under the hamper. The little devil had done his duty of scaring the daylights out of me, then disappeared under the trap door (okay, this is really just a piece of plywood over the opening), to make me look like an over reactive crazy teenager. Which I'm sure I wasn't.

Dad started laughing.

And laughing.

And laughing some more.

Tears rolled down his cheeks.

His face turned red.

His laughter went all silent, like it does when he's so tickled he can't even breathe, his face turns purple, and you are sure he is going to have a stroke right then unless he stops and breathes.......which he finally does with a little gasp, and then this begins again with the only sound escaping being a little whine of air that comes out occasionally. The laughing goes on and on and on....Until it is finally finished with the official family finale... A big sigh.

I did not laugh. I was not amused. I was horrified. I was mortified. I was embarrassed. I was furious. My DAD had seen me standing on the toilet with my panties around my ankles, screaming about apparently.....NOTHING!

Dad laughed every time he looked at me that morning.

I was so embarrassed. Eventually I recovered. And even laughed......A little.

So, there you have it. A story to brighten your Monday morning. Hope your day is humiliation and rodent free!

She has even less shame than me.

Hey, who watched Dancing with the Stars?

Well, I did. And poor Studmuffin did by default. He hates it. But, last night as he suffered through the finale, Cloris came on. You know how outrageous her antics were. Studmuffin immediately said "That woman has NO shame."

Me: Wait a minute, you said I had no shame. Are you comparing me to Cloris Leachman? (not sure of the spelling)

Studmuffin: NO. She puts you to shame on having no shame.

There you have it Dear Reader. Someone has less shame than I do. Amen.


Warning: Drastic Subject Change!!!!

We had piano last night. Tuesdays are hectic. I pick up the girls from the sitter, we come home, grab a snack, the piano bag, and out the door to lessons. We then get home from there about 6:45, and I make dinner.

So, here's the scene. I'm cooking tacos, Studmuffin is helping (in the kitchen, again...be still my heart) and Bookworm is illustrating her letter to Santa. Popcorn is mysteriously missing..........

heard from a distance "Bookworm! I need your help!"

Bookworm does not deign to answer....She is busy as I mentioned. A few moments pass......


"Bookworm I need your help! Right now! HURRY!" This summons is still distant if a little more frantic.

Still no response, and honestly, I'm listening, but only with half an ear, and a small kernel of unease is beginning to develop, but I shove it away, because I'm hungry, and ask anyone, if I'm hungry, watch out!

A few moment pass again..... This time the summons is downright angry. And anxious.

Studmuffin: I'll come help you, you're sister is busy. SILENCE


MORE SILENCE

Studmuffin is helping, but there is still this vast amount of.................SILENCE.

My momdar is flashing like crazy now, but again, I'm hungry, and that cheese won't grate itself. Besides I'm sure Studmuffin has everything under control.....

Well, they reappeared in time for supper, and nothing was mentioned. I was hungry, so my curiosity was dampened by my belly. But, of course, I'm nosy and I have to know what the big deal was.......

Well, it seems that when we got home from the babysitters with a whole 5 minutes to spare before leaving again, Popcorn decided to play with her sister's gerbil, Ava. Only, Ava wouldn't let her catch her....Then, I said it was time to go, and she dashed out the door.....with the cage left open.

Yep, Ava had made her great escape....to the closet....AKA the black whole. The abyss where all toys are thrown, without a care. The place where there is a giant pile of Barbie furniture, and carriages, and cars.....

Ava had a great time....escaping Studmuffin's hands. She'd leap from obstacle to obstacle. From Cinderella's carriage, to Barbie's Mustang....into the bed, under the dining room chairs...between the wall and the Barbie carrying case....

Do you know the disadvantage to trying to catch a gerbil? You are afraid you'll hurt them, and they have no such fear....they'll run under your feet, or they'll dart under a piece of furniture, which you'll have to move, and pray you don't squish them. It's a very stressful experience.

Studmuffin eventually just "herded" her out of the closet where Popcorn was able to easily catch her in the wide open space of the bedroom carpet. FYI, gerbils aren't quick, but they are able to elude you in obstacle course surroundings, because, again, there is the fear of hurting the little rodents.

Well, Ava was safely returned to her cage where she will surely ponder her next escape. And Popcorn confessed she was not calling for our assistance, because she was hoping to avoid getting into trouble. Smart thinking. But, lucky for her, Daddy responded to her cry for help. He just silently went into rescue mode, where I would have went into lecture mode, then proceeded to attempt the rescue while simultaneously continuing the lecture until the gerbil was caught, and probably continued it well into the evening meal.....Well, thankfully, Studmuffin responded to the cry for help, so all I had to do was laugh at the image of him trying to catch a gerbil in a messy closet. All's well that ends well!