Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Man Moment in the Snow

Our tale begins at 4:30 am. Bookworm was unable to sleep. Apparently she was so excited about her dollhouse, she couldn't sleep. I told her to go to bed and read. Did I mention that it also happened to be the exact time that the storm hit? The windows were rattling. The rain was pelting the windows...



At 5:30 am Popcorn woke up. She thought she heard somebody knocking and she thought she saw a head in her window. I went and laid down with her.

At 6am I gave up convincing her to sleep and went to take a hot bath while Studmuffin took his shower. We already had the news on. The current temperature was 34 degrees. The rain/snow/sleet combo we have been expecting all week was expected to hit any time. Any travel at all was discouraged.


Studmuffin left for work. After all, the roads were clear. He planned to be home by 9am. I tried to explain that I still had "stuff" to do. I would not be ready to leave by 9am. I would not be through with laundry by 9am. We have very few clothes, and I had stayed up until midnight to get the girls clothes out of the dryer and folded to pack. My clothes were currently in the washer. I had cookies to frost. I had baked about 6 dozen sugar cookies the day before, along with 6 loaves of banana bread and 6 dozen ginger cookies. Icing sugar cookies got put off until this morning. I had planned on our original departure time of around noon. Studmuffin does not understand that I plan my preparations for departure until the last minute....

At 8 am I called him at work to make sure he arrived safely. "Sure! I should be ready to leave in a few minutes. Do you have everything loaded?" Remember, Studmuffin had shoulder surgery. He is not able to use his right arm except for passive motion, except to write, type, etc. You get it, lightweight stuff.

"Are you sure we should go? The news says any traffic going west on I40 will be hazardous. They are discouraging all travel if possible." The temperature was now 24 degrees.

Fast forward to 9:30am. Studmuffin is supervising me packing our bags and gifts into trash bags and the cargo bag for our trip to his parents. He had decided we should take his pickup, so we could load everything in back, then have us and the dogs up front. He looks at me as I struggled with the zipper to the cargo bag, "Any time you think this trip is dangerous and foolish let me know."

I froze.

Wait a minute....

Didn't we discuss this last night? And before he left for work this morning at 6:30? And when I called him at 8am?

We headed out at about 10 am.....


At 11am we had reached a town that is typically 30 minutes away. The visibility was 20 yards at most, with blowing snow and icy roads. Studmuffin decided it was time to turn around...

I was relieved.

Until I got home and realized I hadn't bought any food for the last week because we were leaving for 4 days today...

I climbed into my car and headed to Walmart. I arrived with little difficulty and got my necessities...

At 1pm, I walked into the parking lot to see...Nothing.

Nothing but blowing snow and huddled bodies, and cars slipping and sliding around the parking lot. The first thing I did was get my cart stuck in a drift 2 feet out of the door. I went around to the front and drug it out. Not one person who was fortunate to have a spouse pull their car to the entrance offered me assistance to unstick my cart...Is that a word?

Anyhoo, I started out in the parking lot. Where my cart got stuck in 2 more drifts, and finally a man with a ski mask and coveralls helped me get my cart to the car with him pulling the front and me pushing from the back. See, those horror movies about men in ski masks aren't all right!

I hopped in my car to get it warming, and start defrosting as I unloaded my groceries. By the time I was finished my hands were killing me (I had forgotten gloves...Derrr). I pulled out of Walmart to see a tow truck operator pulling a truck out of the ditch on the entrance ramp to the freeway. I didn't actually need on the freeway, I only had to stay in the right lane to get on then right back off to head home. Good thing. The interstate was shut down going south.

After creeping down the road and seeing 6 cars in the ditch, I finally arrived at my street with blinding blowing snow, and barely made the corner... I eased down our street and noticed my neighbor digging his drifted car out to go heaven only knows where...

I pulled into the driveway and cringed when I noticed Studmuffin had parked in his normal spot: Right next to the garage door. I crept towards the garage, where a 1-2 foot drift had formed. Of course, there was solid ice under it, and I felt the car start to slip. I cautiously stopped to avoid hitting the house or Studmuffin's truck...

I got stuck.

I drove past 6 cars stuck in the ditch on my way home and prayed aloud for safety and for God to get me home, to get stuck 2 feet from my garage door. I started laughing...

Studmuffin started griping. Apparently I shouldn't have EVER stopped in a drift. Regardless of my slipping tires that were heading me straight for the house...

He grabbed a shovel and proceeded to have a tantrum trying to dig out the car...

Remember the shoulder?

He ignored all pleas to stop...

I decided that sometimes men are idiots, and may have let the word slip past my lips as I began to unload the car... While he would get in, spin his wheels in reverse and forward, then begin to dig again, slamming his shovel against the ground every few swipes, supposedly to break ice loose...I suspect it was to vent anger....

Remember the shoulder?

He asked me if I was finished with the groceries. I said "No. But all that's left is cat food and dog food, and you can't lift that." I picked up the 40 pound bag of food and stumbled into the garage with it... I dropped it on the floor and once again demanded....Errr, excuse me, asked in my most meek and submissive voice why the car couldn't stay where it was...

"Because we will never be able to move it again!!!" Editors note: Studmuffin protests this sentence. But the author is very certain that he said if the car did not get unstuck TODAY, it would never be moved again. He says it's out of context, I say it's an accurate account of today's events... The word idiot may have slipped past my lips again.

In a moment of irritation, Studmuffin picked up the bag of dog food and flung it to the side of the garage. I think the word tumbled out unexpectedly once again...

Remember his shoulder? Remember the dog food bag was 40 pounds?

Studmuffin insisted that he could push me out of the drift...I argued, and I hate to admit it, but idiot may have been in the phrasing of my ultra submissive, meek, mild monologue, and he started to dig again...I relented. He started out in the back. I simply spun my wheels, and prayed that when I broke loose I wouldn't skid out of control and into the house...

Pushing from back was unsuccessful.

He moved to the front...

It worked!

Only, he slipped on the ice and fell down. I panicked and slammed the car into park, and it rolled slightly forward as I jumped out to check him. The car hit him in the head as he was standing up and knocked him back down...

Remember his shoulder?

He insisted he was okay...

And I pulled the car into the garage...

Simple as you please!

Studmuffin is currently sitting on the couch watching the gold bikini episode of Star Wars to salve his wounded pride and aching shoulder...Which he insists is fine, because he never raised it above his shoulder...

But he's wearing his brace, so take from that what you will.

Idiot...

Oops! Did I just say that out loud?

4 comments:

The Lumberjack's Wife said...

Yikes! Well, what a tragic way to kick off the holidays. ;( Hope it gets better from here on out!

Men are too funny.
But, heck.
We need them.
Or, at least, I need mine. :)

Dawn said...

Ah, those Christmas memories you will have!

Dawn said...

So I'm guessing you guys will be staying home on Christmas day????

Sarah Castor said...

HAHA! Oh no! I'm sad I won't see you tomorrow! My gift from the heart is the bomb digity! Love you guys!