Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Making Christmas Memories One Epic Fail at a Time

I love Christmas cookies. I love having the kids get crazy with frosting. I mix up the colors and hand the cookies over and walk away, or I will take over, criticize and offer all sorts of helpful advice.

This year as we were singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" at the top of our lungs Studmuffin was grilling some fish on the stove, and he volunteered, "I drove by the church, and wondered what was going on. Then I realized that one of the other schools must be having a Christmas program."

"OH MY GOSH!!! Popcorn, we forgot your Christmas program!"

And then I had a total meltdown, and she told me it was okay, and she wasn't mad. Then, we all sat down and tried to eat fish, but I moped.

My husband told me to get over it.

I decided that MAYBE we could make it, and perhaps 2nd grade sang before 3rd....

Gentle Reader, I snapped this photo right after we realized what we had done...Do you think she looks a tad sad?

I instantly turned into a crazy woman...Popcorn! Change into your dress! Where is your other shoe? Where is your gray tights? Everyone put on your shoes! Hustle! Hustle!

And, I proceeded to run around the house, screaming and clapping my hands, and telling my husband he doesn't need to lock up or get his wallet because we were in a hurry...

This is the result of my mad dig for tights and matching shoes...Which I didn't find. She went in black fringed knee boots...Because, clearly nothing says Christmas like suede fringed knee boots. Oh, and she informed me I had to clean the mess up...Since I made it and all.

And then, I realized I had no bra on, and I was barefoot....

Good grief! (Only I'm pretty sure that's not precisely what I said.)

I remedied that problem, then we all piled in the car and the garage door took no less than 25 minutes to open.

Then my husband refused to race through town.

I swear, he wouldn't drive over 50 mph, and we were clearly in a hurry! Truly, we have a four lane road through town. That 35mph speed limit is ridiculous on a normal day. In full panic mode, it is downright impossible! I clapped and twitched and patted her knee and apologized 50 jillion times and I rocked back and forth...And I wept...And I said, "Please, Jesus! Please Jesus!" over and over and over again.

It was pitiful and probably slightly annoying.

We arrived at the church. He dropped us off at the door and Popcorn and I dashed in!

Children are singing! Maybe we made it!

I step in and quietly ask the first person I see, "Has the 3rd grade sang?"

Oh, the sadness in my heart. They had went on stage at 6pm. We did not even think of the program until 6:40, and we were there by 6:59.

I was devastated. There was no more twitching. Or rocking. Just utter silence.

And Popcorn saying, "It's okay, Mom. It's just like an absence. I won't be in trouble. I know other kids missed it too."

And that made me feel even worse that my daughter is consoling me because I am an obvious total flake.

My ever helpful husband said, "Get over it. It's done. It's not like you left her in the car in the hundred degree heat and she died. We forgot one program. It's okay."

And I remained silent.

We pulled into the garage, and Popcorn unfastened her seatbelt. I turned around to tell her that I wanted her to sing her songs for me, and I would record them so I could at least have a private concert...

I looked back just as she hiked up her dress and started to pull up her tights...

That were down around her knees.

I can just picture it now...We dash into the church. She quietly slips into the side while her grade sings, her tights begin to slowly creep down. She is left with the dilemma of saggy baggy elephant feet, or pulling her tights up on stage. I'm pretty sure being 8 she would have just hiked them up.

Can you imagine? I had that child so frazzled and panicked she went to the car with her tights half up?

So we had a home concert. I am pretty sure it was more entertaining than anything the school would have shown.

And she made me laugh.

And now I feel better.

However, as I just prayed with her she talked about how excited she is to have 4 parties for her birthday...Cupcakes on Thursday for her birthday (I'm bringing cupcakes?), the class party Friday, her slumber party Friday night, and then we are celebrating Christmas with my family on her actual birthday on the 30th!

Four parties!

How exciting! (Or ridiculous, but you gotta admit she's pretty clever for throwing out the cupcake idea in the middle of a major mommy failure!)

P.S. I tried and tried to upload a video to this post. I finally gave up, and posted it separately, so please check out my next post to see Popcorn's rendition of "Jingle Bells!"


Paula said...

Glad you missed the event or you wouldn't have recorded that amazing rendition.

Crazy Sister said...

You're still a good mum. We've all done that.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mom...no worries. You make up for that one little fail a million times over. Walking away from the cookie decorating was one moment of greatness in itself. Hang in there. Merry Christmas!

Paulette said...

One word of advice: Breathe