My brother and I have a little pattern going. He texts me good morning at an unsightly hour. He sends this text to my sisters also, and possibly his children and heaven only knows who else. I only know that I get it, and it's early. It used to be by 6:30 am every morning, but after much moaning and complaining from two sisters who shall remain nameless, he has bumped it back a little. ...
And I know he would like to think he is tormenting by waking me up every morning. But I'm already awake, so THERE!!!
Anyways, I respond with a little blip of what I've got planned for the day, because I'm pretty darn sure he is interested in every minute detail of my life, right? Otherwise he wouldn't include me in his daily morning group text, right? Well, I thought I'd share a direct quote of what our texts involved the other morning...Along with the thoughts in my head (in parenthesis) to add entertainment value.
Because I'm all about the entertainment, baby!
Dave: Good morning.
Me: Good morning! I just realized this morning ur birthday is on Easter sunday this year!
Dave: Wow. Are you shopping yet. Lol (he is so not kidding. Like he ever got me a gift in his life!!) Are you coming out easter.
Me: We r staying here. I am singing at our Good Friday service and Easter sunday. We r also having a townwide garage sale that day & Brent signed us up. (Brent is Studmuffin, so yes, I finally divulged his identity to you. And let me tell you it took all of my will power not to go on a 20 message 160 character per text rant about my thoughts on the garage sale. Texting is such a challenge to a rambler like me.)
Dave: That sounds like fun. Is he going fishing while this garage sale thing happens. I know i would. (Why yes, you would. And still expect your share of the profits. And he isn't dare going fishing if he knows what's good for him. I planned to buy flowers this weekend. And get a pedicure. I need to color my roots. My house is a pit....Oh! And I planned to garage sale OTHER people's garage sales!)
Me: He has to WORK it since it was his idea. I LOATHE garage sales but i LOVE going to them!
Dave: Does the word loathe mean hate. (At this point I remember that my brother always claims he can't read...And yet he is an avid texter. And I know he's being deliberately obtuse here.)
Me: Yes...for major emphasis! Think of yosemite sam, "i hate that rabbit!" (Now he can't claim to misunderstand)
Dave: You mean elmer fudd. (SERIOUSLY? Is he disagreeing with me about who said this? It is clearly from the episode where Bugs trails the gun powder back to Sam and blows him up. Or the one with the dragon and Yosemite yells "Hy-ah mule!" Or even the one with the gold nugget that Bugs trades for carrots. But it is NOT Elmer Fudd. That would be "wascawwy wabbit heheheheheheh")
Me: Ok both. (humoring him here, because I know this can lead to an ongoing argument in text format, and he will never concede that I'm right and he's wrong.) It could even be Daffy. Lots of hating in Looney Toons.
Dave: Lol. Goodbye. Love u.
Me: Love u too.
And that my friends is victory.