My cell phone provider informed me it's my anniversary. And to thank me they are happy to add 25 free minutes to my unlimited plan...
Why thank you, Sprint. Your generosity is underwhelming to say the least.
Arby's really is good mood food when you work a 12 hour shift without lunch...A shift in which you are working with only one other nurse that is trained in your department and you need five nurses...A shift in which a patient dies on the table...
Patients dying sucks. Every. Single. Time.
You will be really glad you didn't find a babysitter after working a 12 hour shift with no lunch.
Parents will be suspicious if you take time to meticulously yet surreptitiously position a pillow in the middle of the floor after eating pizza on the living room floor while watching TV...But your father will not actually rub your face and hair in it when he discovers you did in fact spill it on the floor like he threatened when he agreed to let you eat said pizza in front of the television.
Was that last lesson confusing?
I have a new surefire method for frizzy hair! Simply use your daughter's Garnier Fructis body building conditioner (which you have never dared to use with your wild locks.) Fail to put your anti-frizz serum on your soaking wet hair. Put your curling cream on instead. Follow this with your Dream Curls spray that you normally use on dry hair to freshen your curls after sleeping on them! Stop and stare at yourself in the mirror and think about what you have just done...Shrug indifferently and ask yourself "What's the worst that could happen?" Sure enough! Your hair will even frizz out of it's pony tail and curl all over your head like you stuck your finger in a light socket! Hooray!
According to my husband other husband's don't have to ask their wives to NOT rip out the carpet while they are at work. He acts as if I tore out the back splash one day in a moment of boredom or something...Sheesh!
|This was the result of my ripping out the backsplash. How can the floor not be even better?|
You can't trust your nine and ten year old daughters to apply sunscreen adequately to each other before swimming for over two hours while you do yard work.
Nine year old daughters cry and throw fits when you apply aloe vera to their lobster red skin because it feels "yucky."
If your husband is digging up grass to build raised flower beds in the 90 degree heat, he might get cranky.
However, if each time you drive by him on the riding "mowing machine" (as my beloved Grandma Irene says) you strike a pose, thrust out your chest and give him your best pin up smile he will be less cranky.
But he may have "expectations" if you overdo it.
What have you learned this week?