I cried during worship service today. I couldn't even say what I was crying about. I just felt God's presence so strongly that I wept. We were singing a silly VBS song, and two little kids went up on stage when the music minister saw them doing the choreography. That was it. I couldn't even mouth the words when they started motioning to "Baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost."
Do you ever have moments like that? As I was weeping, I was trying to figure out what the deal was. I'm not sure if it has to do with my study of Daniel this week. I had been steadily reading a chapter a day until I got to chapter nine. I got bogged down in all of those weeks and sevens and my mind was toast. I dug up an old study guide from a Beth Moore study I did on Daniel five years ago, and skipped to the week focused on chapter nine. The first several days were focused on Daniel's prayer. Therefore I've been really focused on prayer and my prayer life.
Daniel understood scripture and understood that it was relevant to his life. He understood that his prayers were important. He knew that God was listening. So I've been asking myself: Do I really truly believe that my prayers are meaningful? Do I truly embrace that God is answering my prayer before I've barely begun? Do I, do I, do I...
So that's really got me thinking.
This week I officially change to my new schedule. I will be working Monday through Wednesday from now on. I am pretty excited to have the extra time home with the kids, but I'm also silently stressed about the decrease in pay. When I made the decision I knew that I knew that I knew that God was calling me to be more committed to my kids and less committed to my job. So I took the leap. And now I'm looking at the ground and it seems very far away. I am wearing shoulders for earrings as I type about this change. It's one of those things where it will be a good change for the family, but it is a scary change too.
I could also have been crying because my kids are both leaving for kids camp tomorrow morning. They will be back Thursday night.
My oldest was invited to her best friend's dance recital followed by a sleepover last night. I really wanted to say "no" because she will be gone four days after tonight. However, her friend has been talking about this dance recital since she stayed with us over Christmas, and Bookworm said, "Britni will be heart broken if I don't go to her recital." So she went.
Popcorn was pretty bummed. She is very dependent on her sister. Bookworm has a little celebration when her sister is gone, and goes in her room and arranges all of her stuff exactly as she wants, and lays around reading books and just generally enjoys being alone. Popcorn mopes around and scuffs her feet a lot and heaves huge sighs the entire time her sister is gone.
We decided to spoil her. We feasted on Frito chili pie and ice cream for supper. Studmuffin had her mow with the riding lawn mower. That was pretty big stuff, but I was mowing with the push mower, so again I failed to take pictures. After we finished mowing it was such a beautiful evening that we decided to light a fire and roast marshmallows.
It was a great evening.
6 comments:
Miss you guys! Always! I love your blogs! Ahhh... the power of prayer and scripture! Currently what I'm being convicted about recently! Love you!
You will never regret the extra time you have for your kids. I took a lesser paying job so I could spend summers and vacation with you. We had a lot of fun and made some wonderful memories for me. God does hear our prayers and I believe convicts us in the way to go. Listen to the heart, that is what God speaks to. Love you.
Yeah, I have a lot of church moments like that. I like to think I hide them well. If not, my pastor must think I'm a real basket case, cause as you said, it's the little things that reach right through you to destroy your composure!
How brave you are regarding your job choices. Well done!
Sometimes, God just breaks in like that. I come from a church background that doesn't have a lot of time for that kind of thing, but thankfully God has worked hard to change my mind on that. :)
When that happens, I like to think that I'm just due for a cry. (A sentence that no man will EVER understand, ha!) That's a lot of changes and conviction in one swoop-I think you're justified in crying.
My daughters have the same tendencies as yours when they're separated--one rejoices, and one mopes. Funny. She'll never forget her alone moments with you though.
You will NEVER regret changing your job in response to the convictions of your heart. And, God promises abundant blessing in following His lead. He will supply your every need-whether that is emotional, or physical. :-)
Hi________
it certainly wasn’t difficult to be inspired after reading was it?! Well thank you, and thank you for linking up and sharing. I adored your post.
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