Friday, February 1, 2013

Not For Everyone

Yoga pants.

They are not for everyone.  Well, maybe they are.  But if you decide to wear them, I have one request before you boldly purchase and proceed to go out and about in your new stretchy bit of heaven...

Do the bend over test.  I beg of you. 

You see, I have a new pasttime.  It's called "going to the gym."  It is fun!  You should try it!

Okay, maybe FUN is a bit of a stretch.  It's worth it, how about that?  It has good sides (I've bullied a friend into going with me.  I've even bullied her into doing Pilates, which she had never done, yet I refuse to run next to her on the treadmill.  I think we have a beautifully balanced relationship.)  I feel better, although I have not noticed any visible changes, but I know the changes are there.  I am more productive when I get home, because my energy is up.

The down side is that it certainly takes a chunk out of the day.  I leave the house at 8:40 to get there and do 20-30 minutes on the eliptical/treadmill before dragging Jaime to Pilates.  Unless there is no class offered that we (read here I) want to do, then we simply do a good thirty minutes on the treadmill, Jaime faithfully running, me walking quickly, and adjusting my incline to justify my refusal to run...Anyway, we don't leave the gym until around 10:30, and that doesn't get me home until nearly 11. 

But all of those boring details are really just to let you know why I want you to realize that you need to do the bend over test with your yoga pants.  A few weeks ago at the end of our kick boxing class, the instructor finished with some abs.  The lovely lady in front of me had on black yoga pants.  I was disconcerted to realize that when she lay on her side with her knees flexed as we did obliques I could see every detail of her underwear.  Seriously.  They were purple with a floral pattern.

You know what the first thing I did when I got home, right?  I made sure my underwear were not readily visible when my pants were stretched taut.  Thankfully, my pants were high quality Nikes, given to  my by a friend who accidentally bought herself a pair that were too big for her.  I find hand me ups to be quite beneficial!

Hey, let's interrupt this tedious post for a little laughter from Tim Hawkins!



Speaking of that soft stretchiness...

Since that day, I've noticed too many women whose pants look perfectly fine on first glance, but when you see them go down to a squat for frog jumps in front of you,  the view of their unmentionables is quite clear.  Now, serioulsy I'm not WANTING to check out every woman's booty, and see if they're yoga pants are sheer when stretched taut, but somehow my assessing nursing eyes just notice these things as I'm trying not to focus on the misery of doing frog jumps around the gym.  There's a floral print.  She has on a thong, Woops, she has on NOTHING...

Kick boxing is the devil.  Yesterday we were doing squats, squats, squats, and then kicks, kicks, kicks, and I was delighted every single time the song ended because that meant I got to run two laps around the gym before we started our next segment.  Yes, I was glad for running.  Which is seriously wrong.  Wrong in the same way that we had to do four frog jumps followed by two push ups around the gym, and I was overjoyed to do push ups.  Because my legs were THAT tired...

So, the other day I decided I needed an extra pair of yoga pants for working out.  It's cold outside, so I don't want to wear shorts, and one of my pants are too fitted for me to be comfortable, and the other pair is just not as flattering as my free Nike yoga pants...

My husband took me to Academy, and I tried on literally every single brand of work out pants in the store.  And, yes I made sure to bend over and stretch them as taut as they would ever be pulled in any work out pose I could think of...Can you imagine if they actually had cameras in the fitting rooms what they would think of all my ridiculous posing?  How embarrassing.  Perhaps nearly as embarrassing as I should find sharing my knowledge of semi-sheer yoga pants with you...

Guess what I discovered?  Of every single pair of pants I tried, no matter if I moved up a size (unless the size was actually too big, and who wants to worry about their pants staying in place during a downward dog?) Nike was the most reliable in NOT showing my unmentionables!

Who knew?

Guess what else?  This meant I did NOT leave with any new pants at all.  You see, the cheapest pair of Nike work out pants I coudl find were $59.  Yep.  Nearly sixty bucks for something I'm going to just wear to get all sweaty in.

So, I broke my blogging hiatus to share a completely tedious and mostly frivolous post...

How have you been?

1 comment:

mommamindy said...

I'm fine, thanks for asking. :)

Never, ever again will I look at yoga pants without thinking of you alone in the dressing room with every pair in the store, contorting and grimacing. Thanks for the visual. :)