I headed to work yesterday morning. I left with plenty of extra time to account for icy roads. I made Studmuffin back me out of the driveway. I was afraid I'd slide into our mailbox or one of the neighbors. Imagine my surprise when I say THIS at the end of my driveway at 6:15 yesterday morning.
I was not a happy camper. To be honest, I was blaming it on the kids next door. Our neighbors to the East have two cute teenage girls. I figured some boys had came to see them the night before, crashed into my box, and drove off in a teenage "let's get outta here before someone sees us!" moment.
We started investigating right away. Studmuffin had alerted our local police department, who said it was probably a teenager who panicked and drove off, but we'd never be able to prove it....So....
Studmuffin began investigating. He found pieces of red plastic from a bumper. We have a friend that's a CSI. We figure he can run the pieces through their fancy computer system and learn the make, model, and year of the vehicle. That's what happens on TV. Surely that's art imitating life, right? Plus, mailboxes are property of the USPS, and destroying them is actually a federal offense, right? I'm sure our local CSI is very interested in catching the perps.
Agent Studmuffin interviewed every neighbor. Nobody saw anything, except....
The girls I was blaming for the accident! They were watching TV with their parents, heard a crash, went outside, and saw a man get out of a red pickup, look at the mailbox, jump in, and speed away. I can vouch for the speeding away part because even in the dark you could see his skid marks in the ice on our street. Our second clue! The perp drives a pickup! And, the story confirms our evidence thus far...The vehicle was red! We are getting closer and closer to a suspect...
So, I take back my accusations to these poor innocents, who were originally deemed guilty on the sole basis of being teenagers. They actually helped our investigation! Granted, one said he backed into it, the other said he hit it head on...But we expect these things in the crime business. You get 20 witnesses, they will give you 20 stories. We look for the common thread to piece our investigation together....
So, if anyone in our area sees a suspicious looking man in a red pick up that has either a front or back torn up bumper, please contact this blogger immediately! A reward of chocolate chip cookies will be given to anyone who has information leading to the perpetrator of this federal offense.
I'll keep you posted on the crime scene, and update you about the progress of our investigation. Special Agent Andi, signing off for now.
