Sshhh....

Popcorn is at a slumber party.  Bookworm decided to use the opportunity to go buy her sister's Christmas and birthday present.  I was a bit apprehensive as all of this occurred AFTER the sun had set, and time change kills me because I want to be in my little house when the sun has set and I don't want to leave it for any reason at all.

But that is beside the point.  We came home close to nine o'clock.  As we climbed out of the car Bookworm dashed over to the cat and said, "Oh, Misty.  Sweet kitty.  You want to come inside?"  And she scooped up the cat, beginning to rub her cheek on the cat's head as she headed for the house.

"That dang cat is in the garage again?  She is ALWAYS in the garage!  That's why the litter is always full in here!  Because she is always sleeping in the garage or in your bed!  But never outside! She needs to go outside, it makes me CRA-"

"Sshhh!"

I froze halfway through the laundry room on my way into the kitchen.  "Did you seriously just shush me?"

"Yes.  Because I don't know what else to say."

And then I started laughing.  Obviously she had no desire to listen to a pointless rant.

And then I told her "That is totally a blog!"

And so it is.

Lessons from a Tornado

We had several tornadoes roll through our part of Oklahoma yesterday evening.  The damage was sobering and humbling.  We were fortunate in that we were all safe.  Our little  family of four sought refuge in the community storm shelter that my husband's company built several years ago.  It was designed to withstand winds up 250 mph.  We discovered that over 1000 others decided to take shelter too.  I think in the aftermath of the Joplin tornado everyone was on high alert. 

We were packed in there like sardines, standing room only, shoulder to shoulder.  It was hot and miserable as the storm knocked power out and we had no a/c.  There was a poor pregnant woman unable to squeeze through to the bathroom who was sick all over herself.  The babies were hot, scared and wailing at the top of their lungs. 

The emergency manager only announced that they were working on the a/c and for everyone to remain calm...No update on what was happening outside.  We would ask what was going on (they were in an office with radios and would just walk by without making eye contact with any of the miserable crowd) and the answer was "we're working on it."  I felt kind of sorry for them, knowing that they were stressed and this was the first time a huge storm ahd come through since the town built the shelter so they were probably overwhelmed and burdened with over a thousand lives under their care.

Okay, that being said, and acknowledging that our church lost  the gym and school is probably out for the rest of the year (three whole days) due to damage, and knowing that my dear friend lost her entire home, it is time for me to kick into nurse mode.

You know how nurses are.  We find dark humor in terrible situations.  It's how we survive...

We were finally allowed to leave (again, no announcements or explanations, the doors were just suddenly opened and people were flooding out.)  I was parked in a crowded area (I had met the family there on my way home from work.  I got there a few minutes ahead of the storm, but it felt like I was stuck in there for hours not, 45 minutes) and people were walking behind my car.  A punk with a flat billed cap, low slung pants complete with underwear hanging out and no shirt was standing in the back of a pickup ntext to me looking around.  As I was getting in my car I noticed there were three barrier poles behind me, but I couldn't see them once I was in my car as my SUV is too tall, and they were only about three foot tall.  "Could you watch those posts and make sure no little kids are running behind me as I back out?"  He said, "sure."  I crept back.  No word.  I crept some more.  I saw a family approaching from my right rear side and was watching their little ones making sure they weren't going to run behind me.  Suddenly the dad yelled "Look out!"  Dang if I ddin't graze the stupid post.  The paint rubbed off with my fingers, so it was not lasting damage, but really kid?  What were you ging to do?  Tell me before I backed completely over them? 

For any of you who need a refresher, here's my trials in driving in reverse...

Now for a list of lessons I have learned from a tornado.

1.  Apparently strong winds and rain wipe the scent of Oliver the cat off of the neighbors houses.  I let him out when we got home and he immediately set to running around and peeing all over ever upright object he could find.

Oliver is shaved for the summer.  I had a friend surprised that he could run last night:  Are you saying my cat is fat, Megan?

2.  Nobody took a cry for financial assistance regarding our damage seriously.  I sent the following text to the most generous family members I knew and have yet to recieve any serious offers of assistance.

Title:  Our damage.
Text: We are considering filing with FEMA.  Any financial assistance is greatly appreciated.  Cash or check is welcome, payable to Andi not Brent.

I had a friend from work reply in earnestness:  I don't think FEMA replaces yard swings.

Ya think?

Yes, the reply was from a nurse.  He has just never learned to embrace the dark humor side of our profession.  Sadness.


Gentle Reader should you be feel led to aid us in our hour of need, email me and I will get my address out to you right away.

3.  Kids will not sleep in their beds in the pitch black after a storm.  They will sleep on the couch where the sun comes up directly in their faces and be up by 6am.

4.  Do not go outside with your cup of coffee in your nightie if you live in an area struck by disaster.  News helicopters are flying around like bees.  I quickly dashed in and grabbed a robe and THEN went back out to drink my coffee.  I would hate for them to mistake my cellulite for hail damage.

5.  Do not whine to your child that school is canceled and now your 15th wedding anniversary is ruined since the kids are home.  Bookworm's response:  Well Mom, your friend lost her entire house so there ya go.

Excuse me?  I am the voice of brutal honesty in this house.  Since that role is being fulfilled quite effectively, she may fill the role of sympathetic enabler...Everyone knows that each family member has a role to fulfill and she better step up and act right or her role will be neglected!  Good grief.

That's all I've got for now.  I'm sure more lessons will come as the day progresses, but my husband has finally drug his carcass out of bed at 9:26 am, so I'm off to spend quality time with him!

Quality time that he assures me does NOT involve tearing out carpet.  He is so the rain on my parade.

Skunks, Potty Mouths, and I Didn't Sign Up For This!

My dog got sprayed by a skunk yesterday at about 5am. I know the time because I actually smelled it in my bedroom!

I would like to announce that this is exactly one year and 8 days since my niece Sarah spotted the adorable ferret/gerbil which was actually a skunk in our culvert!

I had to change scrubs when I got to work because I could still smell skunk...

My bedroom smelled like skunk last night.

I fear that my house STILL smells like skunk, but my olfactory bulb has adjusted...Darn that rapidly adjusting sense organ!

Bookworm is pretty pumped to be on leadership at school. She is the hall monitor in the mornings and the line monitor in the lunchroom...

She heard a kid say the "P" word today. She informed the kid that he shouldn't say bad words.

"P isn't a bad word, IDIOT!"

I asked what she said to him then..."Nothing! I didn't know what to say!"

"Was he in 4th or 5th grade?"

"NEITHER!! He was in KINDERGARTEN!"

Kids these days. She was quite disillusioned. I think she realized she has been given much responsibility with no authority.

I had a "why am I nurse?" moment today....

A patient was very unstable with a massive infection in his left kidney. The urologist had tried putting a stent in the kidney and giving antibiotics. They both proved ineffective. Subsequently, the patient went into septic shock. Septic shock results in increased heart rate and massive dilation of the vessels, which causes blood pressure to drop dangerously low. Other stuff happens, but I was concerned at this moment that the patient was on 3 medications to bring up his pressure and his heart rate down and he was still only in the 80s for his systolic (top number,) and his heart rate was still in the 120s, and his platelets were 12. Platelets are needed to make your blood clot. We like them to be over 150.

Did you catch that? He was 12. We like 150...

I personally like to think that we can actually stop bleeding if it happens to occur.

"Dr, I'm not sure about putting this patient on the table. Can we do this in the ICU using ultrasound?" Translation: I really wanted this to be on the ICU nurses plate, not mine. Just bein' real here.

He looked at me with his serious face and said, "I can only do this under fluoro (that's xray to you non radiology folks). We have to bring this patient down."

"I'm a little uncomfortable with this patient's stability." Never say I give up easily.

"Andi, if we don't get this drain in his kidney, he's going to die."


Allllllllrighty then.

I went and got him. But I wanted to say, "I'm afraid he's going to die on the table."

We don't say that stuff out loud though. Instead we do our job.

And sometimes I think I'm crazy for doing it.

But when I stop and think about something so simple (if using live digital xrays to insert a line into the kidney to drain the infection is simple) can make a life or death difference....

That's pretty cool. And I'm glad God gave our doctor's the knowledge to know what to do. And I'm glad He has made me a small part of it.

So, who wants to grow up and be a nurse?

A Vocabulary Lesson

Bookworm is one smart cookie. Always has been.....

Two weeks ago, Studmuffin had a friend come to help rebuild the dog house. The dog house we bought builds up condensation with their body heat, thus they get wet. The doghouse that was existing under the deck when we moved in leaks. We tried putting tar paper on it, but the Oklahoma wind blew it right back off. The existing doghouse was built very strangely and very shabbily. I fear that numerous words not fit for small ears (or big ears) may have leaked out as they were removing it.

Bookworm and Popcorn were big help. They helped hammer off old, rotted plywood, they yanked nails out. They carted off old wood and put it in the back of the pickup. They were industrious little gals, I'm telling ya...

"Well, this doghouse is so much better than the Abominable," Bookworm told us.

"Abominable? What's abominable?"

"The old doghouse! That old doghouse was so stupid it was an abominable!"

"Honey, I think the word you're looking for is abomination. If you are saying something as a noun, it's an abomination. If you are describing something it is abominable. Like the Abominable Snowman..." Okay, yes, I corrected her, but call me impressed that my 4th grader was using the word abominable in context!

Fast forward to tonight....

"Hey, Dad? Do you remember when we had to bring something living, once living, and non-living to school in first grade? Remember, I brought a bunch of rattle snake rattles and a jar of grubs?"

"Yes," her daddy replied. He should remember, he was determined to think of something to bring that nobody else would match. Oh, by the way, the jar was the non living object...

"Well, when I went to the bathroom, I came back, and my whole class was totally like, 'Guess what? Your grubs laid eggs!' I just rolled my eyes and said, 'whatever' because it wasn't eggs. It was excretory...."

We both stopped eating, chili cheese hot dogs (homemade thankyouverymuch) poised in the air and looked at each other...

Studmuffin did a long, slow blink and then said, "Do you mean excrement?"

So. Here is my question for you...How many of you could use the word abomination and excretory at 9 years old?

You know you're a bookworm when you use words in every day conversation that basically only exist in books...I can remember making a total doof of myself when I would inadvertently use words in front of my friends growing up that I thought everyone knew. All conversation would stop, then I'd feel dumb and blush and start sweating, and get giant armpit rings, and...

Well. Suffice to say it wasn't pretty.

Update and more conversations

I thought I'd give you a quick update on Popcorn. She has not had fever since 3am Friday. She did vomit twice yesterday, but it was mostly due to drainage. Today she played, but wore out easily. I think we will all be at church tomorrow!

Bookworm has been in a great mood today, and survived going to school twice without her sister. She helped me make salsa today, and helped Studmuffin wash his boat. She has been wound up like an 8 day clock all day. I'm blaming the cool front coming in.

Last night Popcorn informed me that she lost her tooth on Monday, and the Tooth Fairy had not deigned to visit. "I'm going to be very angry if she doesn't come tonight, Mom. It will be 5 nights then!"

"Why are you telling me this?"

Looking at me from under her lashes, she replied, "I don't know. I just thought you should know that I will be angry..."

Then this morning, she came into my bathroom waving a dollar bill and a Sacajawea dollar. "Where'd ya get those?" I asked in all innocence.

"The Tooth Fairy finally came! And she brought me an extra dollar!" The Tooth Fairy always gives Sacajawea dollars to my kids.

"Maybe she was waiting until you were better so she wouldn't catch the flu."

"No, Mom." At this point she rolled her eyes at me, then thought better of her response. "I think she just had lots of kids to visit!"

"Yeah, me too..."

No way is she giving up the Tooth Fairy like she ditched the Easter Bunny....I don't think she's at all sure she'll still get cash for lost teeth!

Speaking of the Tooth Fairy....

When Bookworm was in first grade, she lost her tooth, and of course, the Tooth Fairy remembered to come the very first night! The next morning Bookworm proudly displayed her Sacajawea dollar. "I saw the Tooth Fairy last night. I know who she is," said Popcorn with all the authority her 5 year old self could muster.

"No you didn't!" replied her indignant sister. "You are supposed to be asleep, or she won't come...Just like Santa, so there is no way you saw the Tooth Fairy."

"Yes I DID!!!" Now her integrity was in question and she was becoming angry...Never mind that truth often resembles a rubber band with her...It can be stretched quite a bit, and still be a rubbber band as far as she's concerned.

"Oh, yeah? Then what does she look like?"

"She's purple with purple and white striped tights, a dark purple dress, and wings, with a crown on her head, and she's this big!" She held her fingers up and indicated a size of about 2 inches.

Well, such a definitive answer shut up any protestations from her sister. I myself was pretty amazed at such a quick detailed answer....

Until the next time I did laundry and folded their clothes...and noticed a small fairy exactly matching the description on the front of Bookworm's sweat shirt...You just never know where that kid is going to get the next rabbit to pull out of her hat.

Protecting her innocence.

Okay, before we go any further, I made Bookworm a promise. I promised that I would put a disclaimer at the beginning of this post that children should not be allowed to view this post. Its content is not appropriate for small viewers....

Moving on now that that's done:

Bookworm is an endless source of amusement for me. She is so earnest. She is very black and white. Her sense of right and wrong are very firm. I can't help it, sometimes I burst into laughter...

I know your curiosity is peaked. I know you are dying to learn some specific examples. Well, Gentle Reader fear not! I have two examples ready for you.

The first story involves this picture. My husband's company had their annual company picnic at Frontier City in "The City." That's Oklahoma City to all you non-Okies. Studmuffin was their with the girls by himself for the first few hours, as I was busy being the reflector girl for my niece Sarah at her photo session for my niece Molly.


I got there, and they had so many exciting things to tell me. Number one on Bookworm's list involved the Prairie Schooner. This is Frontier City's version of the swinging ship ride that so many of us know and love. Our conversation was as follows:

B: Mom, their is a naked lady on the front of the ship ride.
Me: Really?
B: Yes. When we were in line, I pointed it out to Dad. I knew he would want to know before we got on. (Understand, that this is all said in earnestness.)

Well, when I got in line to ride the ship with Popcorn (one time was enough with Popcorn. She nearly cried the first time, according to her) Bookworm made sure to point out the naked lady to me. I immediately snapped a picture and said I was going to blog about it. As I mentioned she made me promise to put a warning at the beginning. She was very upset by the naked lady. She pointed out it is very disappointing to have something like that in a family amusement park where any innocent children could see it. Again, I gotta say, I found all of this highly amusing. Okay. So maybe I cackled in my most terrifying Marilyn laugh (terrifying to me, because I fear it means I'm turning into my mother.) Maybe she shook her head at me, and didn't see the amusement in the situation....Maybe I'm an immature mother who found the whole thing funny...

Sunday my niece Sarah went shopping with Bookworm and me to find me an outfit for my high school reunion which is coming up in 2 weeks. We went to Old Navy. Bookworm came and got me. One of the modelquins was indecent. She was dressed in a camisole and a cardigan. Her camisole strap had slipped and her boob was about to fall out. I fixed the strap for her, and her relief was obvious. When we returned Sarah asked what we had been doing. I told her "Bookworm was on boob patrol, and I had to go cover one up." We both started laughing. Poor Bookworm turned crimson. And then, shock of shocks, I felt bad.

What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I teasing my child who is so determined to protect her innocence? Why do I chuckle every time she hides her eyes when people walk by and she realizes their t-shirts have inappropriate language on them (example: the zoo and a boy who was wearing a shirt that said I heart boobs. She was literally disgusted by that.) I love that she is so earnest in protecting her purity. I constantly talk to my kids about maintaining their purity. I forbid them to look at magazines in the check out. Of course I don't have to, because Bookworm often turns them over so they can't be seen...I make them leave or turn off the tv when I see inappropriate commercials....

Why in the world was I laughing at my child who is minding the Holy Spirit? We talk about when we get "funny feelings" and we think maybe we shouldn't be doing something, or looking at something, reading things, etc. I tell them that feeling comes from the Holy Spirit, and it is telling us to flee from whatever is tempting them. Then, when my precious child heeds the Spirits warning, I ridiculed her!

How humbling to realize that I was tempting my child to make light of the sin in our world. She's right. Nothing about that figure head was pleasing to God. It is an example of my heart being hardened to the sickness in this world. So, I had to ask her forgiveness. I told her I was proud of her for being so attentive to the Holy Spirit, and that I was sorry I had laughed at her. She, of course accepted.

Now. I need to pray and become more like my daughter. I need to learn to be on guard for Satan's sneaky ways. I know I have allowed myself to become numb. I have allowed my heart to be hardened. I don't know what to say. I'll just let scripture speak for me:

Hebrews 4:17-18
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts...
Hebrews 5:1-4
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving...
Hebrews 5:15
Be very careful, then how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

Mowing the Lawn

I love to mow. We have a riding lawnmower, and when I drive it, I feel like I'm a teenager again, driving the tractor. The other reason I love to mow, is that nobody comes along and messes it up. When you clean your floor, the first kid that runs through the house tracks it up. When you do laundry, there is more to do the second everyone bathes. Clean the kitchen, and the very next meal it's messed up again. But, when you mow the lawn, it stays nice and short for at least a week! I love that!

Bookworm has been asking me to mow. Well, I am very reluctant to give up my therapy. As a matter of fact, when Studmuffin mows to help me get things done, I'm secretly disappointed that he is taking away my fun. I would rather him clean house while I mowed....But since that falls into the realm of not going to happen without lots of coaxing, I let him mow. I'm just a giver, let me tell you!


Well, Sunday, I relented and decided to teach her to mow. I wasn't sure she was heavy enough. It turns out that if she leans as far back in the seat as she can, stretches her leg as far as it will go, and stretches her arms out to their maximum capacity when she turns, the lawnmower won't die! Plus, her lack of height prohibits her from driving the mower too fast. I learned really quickly that she likes to drive it as fast as possible. She especially likes to go fast and turn really sharp corners. She feels very empowered by speed and quick turns. As a matter of fact, she would laugh maniacally every time she did.


I rode with her around our front yard where all of the obstacles are, and she still ran into the lily pond (it is raised with pave stones around it) and she hit a small tree with the deck. Both times I was looking at Studmuffin weed eating. (I don't know why, but I love watching him weed eat with old jeans on, a t-shirt and safety glasses.) The first time I drove my parents brand new lawn mower, I ran it into an enormous elm tree. And I had been driving the feed wagon for years by that point while my dad scattered cake or bales off the back. So, I thought those few run ins were pretty good for a 9 year old!


So, with practice I know she'll be mowing the whole yard by herself. I have a little while though, because we only mowed half of the yard together, and her arms and legs were exhausted after. But, with time she will build up her arm strength, and her legs will certainly grow, so before long she will certainly be on her own. And maybe I will not feel compelled to stand guard the entire time she is mowing because I have visions of her falling off, getting her limbs chopped to pieces....Okay, let's not go there.

Personalities

It always amazes me how kids show personalities in ways you never expect. The girls went and stayed a few days with my parents last week. They had a great time visiting all of my old haunts. They worked on the fort down at the trees. They hiked around the cliffs and carved their names in the side. And they found the owls nest. Apparently the owl builds her nest in a tree now and not under a ledge on the cliff wall anymore. They called home and told us all about the wonderful souvenirs they found. Of course, they brought their new treasures home.

Bookworm gave her treasure careful consideration and she brought home...




Some lovely rocks to enjoy and use for decoration in her room! Aren't they lovely?




Popcorn gave her treasure equally earnest consideration.....


Yep. You guessed it. She brought home mouse bones and bird feathers. How exciting. How precious. How....how.....how....Well, it's typical Popcorn.

Popcorn may go a million miles an hour, but she sleeps hard. When she was a baby she slept 18 hours a day. I took her to the doctor because she slept so much. She was running around on her little chubby baby legs, laughing, and talking gibberish. He looked at me with exasperation and said, "Your baby is fine. Just be glad that she sleeps and doesn't go like this more hours in the day."

She still sleeps hard and needs more sleep than her sister. One time when she was 4 I found her asleep in a doll crib. It was maybe the size of a baby bassinet, and she was hanging out on all 4 sides, but she had crammed herself in there and was fast asleep.



Bookworm on the other hand hasn't taken a nap since she was probably 3. I always made her lay down for quiet time until she started school, but she would just lay in her bed and read. I made her lay down to rest before her slumber party, and that is what she did that day. Until she heard me coming, then she crammed her book under her pillow and tried to fake a deep sleep. When she heard the camera, she immediately sat up and asked me what I was doing....

BUSTED!!!

Conversations with Bookworm

The other day I was listening to Bookworm reading to her sister....

"Oh look! How cute is that miniature pen snitcher?" Bookworm chirped.

"Oh, I love it! I wish we could get one."

"Mom, can we get a miniature pen snitcher?" Bookworm asked.

"Well, I'm not sure, let me see what it is..."

It was a Miniature Pinscher!

I had a good laugh about that one....And the answer was no.

Kids Kamp

Bookworm leaves for Kids Kamp today. The girls decided to practice camping last Friday night. They were determined they were going to sleep in the "back back yard." Translation: outside the fence.

Now normally, I would have said fine, no big deal. However, a few weeks ago a coyote came onto my neighbors back porch and snatched their Maltese right in front of them. It was late at night, they had let the pooch out to potty, and my neighbor had the porch light on, standing just inside her french door, watching her. Can you imagine her horror when Cotton ran up on the porch, ready to come in, and a coyote dashed up on the porch, snatched her and ran off? That is just a little too bold, even for a sturdy country girl like me. So, I insisted they sleep inside the fence.


But, back to the subject: Kids Kamp. Bookworm is very excited. So am I. But, of course I'm nervous for her. Our church is fairly large, but we only have three 3rd grade girls. And, only one other 3rd grade girl is going. She and Bookworm aren't that close, plus the other girl's mother informed me, "I'm having Chloe take a friend, so she will have someone to play with at camp." I had just verbalized that I was really glad Chloe was going so Bookworm would have a kid her own age to play with. I was stunned into silence at that statement. I'm sure she didn't mean it rude. It was actually smart. Why the heck didn't I think to have my kid invite a friend to go with her? Duh.
I'm sure she is going to do just fine. I always loved camp. And I grew up in a very small church, where I was basically the only kid who attended regularly, and I still loved it. Of course, Bookworm isn't as assertive as me. She's not shy, but she also isn't the kind to just run up to a group of kids and join in a game that she thinks looks fun. Even at our own VBS I had to instruct her to go up to the rec youth worker and tap her on the shoulder and ask if she could play the game of keep away that had started in the gym when our craft was finished WAY too early for them to go to their next station. Bookworm was just too nervous to go up and join in without being specifically invited.


So, obviously I'm going to miss her and fret over whether she's having fun for the next 4 days. She returns Thursday evening. My dog Kelsey is sure going to miss her. I'm sure she'll be fretting over where she is when the rest of the pack is at home where it belongs. Kelsey is just a worrier that way.


I can tell you another thing. This little goofball is definitely going to miss her sister. They really are best friends. They spend every minute of every day together in the summer. In fact, they've spent so much time together lately that they are starting to bicker all the time. I think I'm going to put them in separate rooms. That way, they can at least have their sleep time apart, and have their own space to go to when they need alone time. Not that Popcorn ever needs alone time. Seriously, this kid is going to REALLY miss her sister.

So am I.

How Clean is Your House?

Today I was home with Bookworm. I had vowed to be nothing but be lazy and nonproductive while I nursed my invalid back to health. We decided to watch that show "How Clean is Your House" on BBCA while we ate lunch. Not a very good idea. This man had not cleaned his house AT ALL in 4 years. He had 3 large dogs in his house. Can you imagine the filth? Not conducive towards digestion, I assure you!

When it cut to commercial they have this little cartoon hand that writes on the dirty window, "How clean is your house?" Bookworm replied with, "Not very."

"I beg your pardon?" Okay, I will not win any awards for the cleanest house. Our house is very "lived in," but I assure you, it is not filthy!

"Mom, our house is not like his, but he hadn't cleaned house in FOUR YEARS! You have to keep the house clean. That man is disgusting." She would gasp and clutch her chest when they would show particularly nasty things (mouse droppings in the toaster, roaches running rampant, fleas everywhere...) I replied with "Helloooo...Why do you think I had kids?"

Well, after she finished lunch, she disappeared to her room. I started decluttering the house in preparation for running the vacuum. I went to her room to put some things up, and guess what? She was cleaning her room! I started laughing. You just can't watch that show and not feel the need to disinfect something after!

Hey! I did learn something really interesting. If you have pets that come in and out of the house, they can track in fleas even with flea treatments. Also, children can track fleas in. They recommended keeping a flea collar in your vacuum bag, then changing it every month. Any fleas you vacuum up will be killed by the collar. Interesting.

The invalid in my house of sticks...

Bookworm woke me up at 5am this morning, complaining of being hot. I tried to turn on the fan, and climb back in bed (aka, blow her off) but then she got up and went to the bathroom where I heard her crying, very pitifully. I found her lying on the cold tile floor. She had a fever. I gave her some ibuprofen and tucked her onto the couch to watch tv. Then, I attempted to return to bed. (Aren't you glad you don't have a mommy that's a nurse? Sympathy is limited around this place.)

I started to hear a knocking sound. I tried to ignore it. I decided it was probably the wind. After all, we've been having so much wind, it's become my bedtime lullaby to hear it howling outside. The knocking continued. What the heck? I was afraid an animal was in the wall or our attic. I couldn't hear it in any other room of the house. I finally narrowed it down to our exterior wall. When it was light enough to finally go outside and look around, I found the culprit.

On the gable of the house, a piece of wood is coming down. It is the piece that's underneath the eave. I'm pretty sure it leaves an open space for birds to get in the attic. This is the same wall that has developed a crack in the corner where the exterior wall meets the wall between our room and the guest room. There is no crack on the other side. We had 70 mph winds in October and when the roofers came through our neighborhood to drum up business I asked them about it. They said it's possible that the wind blew hard enough to make that wall flex in and out during the storm and create the crack.

When my children slam the door going into the garage, the wall facing it shakes. Our house is on a slab. This seems impossible on a concrete foundation. I'm starting to think I live in a house of sticks....

Did you know we've had 3 gas leaks repaired? And we've only lived here 9 months. How do I know I don't have leaks in my wall? It's seriously making me doubt the joys of natural gas...Even though I love cooking on a gas stove. I have a carbon monoxide detector, but it didn't register any of the other leaks. They were all in the garage at our heater and hot water tank.

Yuck...Enough heavy stuff. I'm done complaining. I'm blessed today. I get to stay home with a sick kid. This means I'm unable to go to the grocery store. I can't do any work, because I must be readily available to tend to the invalid. She is suffering a headache, so out of pure compassion for my wee one I will refrain from running the vacuum. I think I can pretend the globs of grass and mud that has been tracked in on shoes is not there. I'm not even sure I should risk running the washing machine with her delicate constitution. And any other form of cleaning? Well, I just don't know if I can risk leaving her to her own devices for such an extended period of time. I must keep a vigilant eye on that fever. I think we will just rest and watch Disney. I will provide her with plenty of liquids and myself with plenty of coffee, and she will be on the mend in no time.

Dang it.

I do think Popcorn is due for a mental health day....

EASTER HIJINKS

Don't you love when you have "Good Mommy" days? We spent today doing fun, messy activities. You know the ones. You spend 30 minutes preparing for fun. The kids plow through the activity, and flit away...leaving you with the clean up. Can anyone relate?

Confession: I LOVE to color Easter eggs. Studmuffin and I used to do it before we even had children.

Since we've had children, I've loved having an excuse to color eggs. My friend Jenny had never colored eggs, or allowed her children to until she met me, and I nagged her into participating. She called me this week, and said she plans on doing it with her 4 girls this week! You see, now that her kids know about the joy of egg coloring, she will be guilted into doing it until the end of time. Unfortunately for her, 450 miles is a bit too much of a commute for me to continue to keep the mess at my house. You're welcome, Jenny!

Warning: Drastic topic change.
Jenny had also never popped fire crackers, nor allowed her children to. One July 4th they were moving into a new house. I was watching her 2 oldest girls for her. We went to buy fireworks. Her oldest said "My mom would be totally freaking if she knew we were doing this." Uh-oh. I called Jenny. Jenny said, "That's okay. I know you won't let them do anything that blows up." I refrained from pointing out that the very essence of fireworks is, well, explosions..... A mere 12 months later and she had come over to the dark side...Her 2 oldest were popping like crazy while her hubby and mine were setting off the bigger fireworks. She once told her mom that any time she was too afraid to let her kids try anything, all she had to do was send them over to me and eventually they'd get to do it. Using sharp knives (we made salsa), fireworks, bullying them into swimming....you get the idea.

Return to subject matter:

This year I bought some glitter glaze paints and the girls painted their eggs with the glaze after coloring them. Let's be honest, here...I painted my eggs too. I was totally bummed that I only bought 2 dozen eggs. Considering 3 cracked while boiling, that only left a mere 21 for me to divvy up with the girls. I sacrificed and let them each have 8, and I only did 5. Yeah, I know....My generosity is overwhelming!

Studmuffin deferred from participating this year. He was busy working on the infamous backsplash and building a fence around the pool filter. Somebody's puppy chewed up all of the electrical cords to the filter. So, obviously he was occupied repairing the cords too. I always knew the knowledge he gained from repairing those extension cords he tended to cut in half with the hedge trimmer would come in handy.

Bookworm and Studmuffin went out to practice hitting balls, and Popcorn and I made some Easter treats. The other day I saw some Easter eggs made out of Rice Krispie treats. They had dipped them in colored almond bark. We opted to go with the classic recipe. We divided up the melted marshmallows into 3 bowls and colored them orange, green, and blue. At least it was blue until Popcorn added a ton of green food coloring to the mix to see what it made. Surprise! It made a sort of teal color that almost exactly matched our green. Oh well, remember, it was "Good Mommy" day. I restrained myself from complaining. I know...Amazing.

One more thing, and I will let you go to prepare your own delicious Easter treats....In the middle of coloring eggs Bookworm looked at me and said, "So, are you Santa too?" My heart skipped a beat. I widened my eyes, did a tiny shake "no" then looked at her sister. She dropped it immediately. I guess I was right...now that the Easter Bunny has been debunked, Santa is next!

Conversations with Kids: The Easter Bunny

WARNING: Mythical creatures are unmasked in this post. Please proceed with caution if you are young and impressionable. Or old and delusional. Either way, please be advised that this post may be shocking and disillusional for you. Is disillusional a word? I think it should be, if it's not!




We were driving to school this morning and Popcorn asked "Mommy, is the Easter Bunny real?"

"What do you think," I asked.

"Well, I think he's real....But it doesn't make sense. I mean how does a rabbit get in my house? And how does it put stuff in our baskets? It doesn't make sense."

Bookworm piped up, "It's not a rabbit, it's a person in a rabbit costume."

Popcorn replied, "That doesn't make sense, Bookworm. Why would a person put on a bunny outfit, and come in our house?"

I decided to join back in this fascinating conversation. "Well, what do you think happens Popcorn?"

"I think you go to the store and buy the stuff, then put it in our basket!"

Okay. I can't argue with that assessment of the situation. "Well, that's the truth."

Bookworm started laughing. "I feel silly! I thought it, like, hopped through the window or something....Or maybe had a spare key." She said she wasn't at all disappointed to learn he wasn't real. Whew.

I instructed them to not go telling all of their friends the truth about the Easter Bunny. Popcorn replied, "Well, okay. I pinky promise, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell someone."

What? What in the heck is the point of a pinky promise if you know you can't keep it? Apparently this info is too good to keep to herself. I can relate to that. I spew everything I know onto the world wide web, so really I didn't have a leg to stand on. I did tell her to pretend it was like a present, and you didn't want to tell anyone and ruin the surprise. She didn't have much to say to that.

Isn't it funny how kids brains work? Who knew they were putting all of this thought into the Easter Bunny, a mythical creature I've never even acknowledged to them. I've always just handed them a basket on Easter morning, and that was that. Their only real idea of him came from him coming to see them at school or seeing him at malls.

I think Popcorn, the more discerning of the two, noticed all of the "Easter Basket Filler" signs at the store, and noticed all of the commercials telling parents what they should put in their children's basket, and put two and two together.

Bookworm tends to take everything at face value. She's probably going to be like me...I was in 4th grade, and I asked my mom who the Easter Bunny was. She said "The same person Santa is." I was horrified to realize Santa wasn't real. She thought surely I knew he wasn't real, but just played along for fear he'd quit coming. Nope. I believed in him. Turns out, my darling brother never spilled the beans because he was afraid that Santa wouldn't come anymore either. Anyway, I can see Bookworm believing in Santa until I point blank tell her he's not real. In all honesty, I practically have. Every time she says someone she knows said Santa isn't real, I say, "Oh well. It's no big deal not to believe in Santa." She is very adamant that she believes in him.

Well, that's all of the bubbles I plan to pop for today. Hope everyone has a very Happy Easter!

Spring Break

We have had a wonderful spring break. Especially since my kids have been at my parents since last Thursday night. I actually stayed there until Monday, since I had to work on Tuesday and Thursday.

While there, my girls are having a great time. Bookworm has been riding horses anytime she can nag an adult (Grandpa) into putting the bridle and bare back gear on the horse. My dad no longer has a kid saddle, and the grown up saddles set her so far back she has difficulty reining effectively. So, we just threw on some blankets and a cinch to hold them in place for her comfort. She loved it. Sunday she asked me when I was putting away the tack "Mommy, do some kids ever kiss their horses?" It made me tear up, because I totally understand that love for your horse. I was there too, and still would be if I had a horse of my own.

Mom told me a funny on Popcorn. Popcorn was telling her about getting her eyes checked. She hated having them dilated. "Grandma, I looked so stupid. My eyes made me look like a dog in a human costume!"

Well, that's all the news I have time to share with you today. I have to go meet my mom to get my kiddos. They wanted to stay until Sunday, but I told them they needed at least a few days at home before returning to the grind!

Oh yeah, we bought the bead board for our back splash, and I picked out the paint. I'll probably pick it up today, so we will start on that this weekend. Be on the lookout for pictures!

Memories and Verbosity

We started planting our garden this weekend. No, I didn't take pictures. My camera battery was dead. Planting the garden is one of our favorite things to do as a family. All of us get out there and get dirty. Studmuffin tills. I rake. The girls help plant, water, and do their share of raking too. We love it. Now, gardening reminded me of a story. Aren't you excited?

I went to the shop to get a hammer to drive the stakes we made to label our rows. I found the hammer Popcorn got Studmuffin for Christmas. She was so cute. She knew exactly what she was getting her daddy for Christmas. We walked in Walmart, and she said "I'm going to buy Daddy a new lawnmower!" I explained that her budget didn't really allow for a lawnmower. "Well, then, I'm going to buy him a hammer." And she did. She bought him the biggest hammer in Walmart she could find.

This Christmas Bookworm was equally decided on what she would get me for Christmas. I had strongly hinted at some warm socks *okay, I took them to the sock aisle and pointed to the exact socks I wanted.* She went with Studmuffin to buy my present. Guess what she bought me? The new Operation Game! How perfect! Every nurse needs their very own game of Operation, that now comes in a handy dandy doctor's case!

I don't know if I told you this story way back in December. The truth is, I'm too lazy to do a search in my own blog. Also, when you're as wordy as I am, your bound to repeat yourself at least 26 times. Your also bound to offer frequent apologies. Yep, when you have a mouth that moves as much as mine you offend people. So, I'm given to frequent apologies too. Sometimes I'll just randomly apologize for any offense I could have given during a conversation. Repeat and apologize, repeat and apologize. That's my system. You'd think I'd learn to just shut up, but that just doesn't work so well.

Oh, I've tried to be quiet. Truly, I have! Don't think I don't see you rolling your eyes and murmuring "yeah, right!" I did try to be quiet. But then the pressure started to build. I started trembling. My tongue started to have spasms. My jaw became tense. My brain began to spin and whirl in such a way that I could no longer keep up with my thoughts. My chest became tight. My lungs were over filled with all of the hot air I usually exhale so freely in my dialogues. And then.......I exploded.

It wasn't pretty. I started to talk. And talk. And talk. I talked to my family. I talked to the grocery store clerk. I talked to the poor unfortunate soul trying to buy yogurt and be on their merry way. I talked to the young man who obviously needed my coaching on picking appropriate produce. I chatted up the lady slicing my Virginia brand ham in the deli. I fellowshipped (there's a good Baptist word for ya!) with my checker. I flagged down my neighbor and asked them about their day, then proceeded to tell them every minute detail of mine. I talked to the dog, the cat, and of course Studmuffin. Eventually I went to bed with my thoughts continuing to whirl and twirl in my brain, where I'm sure I talked in my sleep.

So, I learned a very valuable lesson......

I will talk.

I will talk a lot.

I will talk fast.

I will talk loud.

I will talk erroneously.

But. I. Will. Talk.

I will be teased for my talking. My beloved family will feel the need to point out my tendency towards verbosity. I will agree with them. (after all, to deny it is ridiculous). But I will continue to talk. I must. I have a vast fount of information that I must share, and I must share it quickly. So, I will talk.

It's truly an unstoppable force. It's quite sad, really. Yep, I learned my lesson. I will never take a fifteen minute vow of silence again. The world is just not ready for the consequences.

Bookworm-isms

We had an awards banquet for the end of basketball season. It was fun. They had a juggler for entertainment. He shared the story of man's fall into sin while he juggled, and then told the story of Jesus's birth, death and resurrection. It was really neat to watch him integrate different objects and methods of juggling to illustrate his story. At the end he had a pitch fork, and 2 giant knives he was juggling. He had one of the coaches come to the front. He had him lie on the floor then placed a blindfold over him. He said he was going to juggle the knives over the guy, and that the coach trusting him reflected our faith in Christ. We may not always see what's going to happen, but we have to trust it will be okay. Well, the juggler switched the knives out for toilet plungers. It was funny and thought provoking.

On the way home, Popcorn was talking about that mean trick the juggler played. I said I wasn't even sure if the knives were real. Bookworm said "Yeah, he should have sliced a tomato to show us they were real. He could have sliced thousands of tomatoes, and we could have given them to the poor. We would say 'Here you go, poor.'" I guess the poor would just show up, plates in hand ready to get fresh juggler-sliced tomatoes. Or maybe we would have to post a sign at the church: FREE sliced tomatoes for the poor. I don't know, but "Here you go, poor."

Last night Bookworm registered for softball. Don't tell Popcorn, but I did a happy dance inside when she said she didn't want to do softball. Well, Studmuffin picked Bookworm up at piano, took her to register for softball, and headed straight to Acadamy to get all of the paraphernalia she will need. She has never played softball, and truthfully, she's a wimp. I'm not sure how she's going to handle a ball flying at her. Or sliding into base. Or anything that risks injury. But, Studmuffin was a baseball player, so I know he can help her.

FYI, my kids both have crazy skinny feet, but Bookworm's are worst. It was a challenge finding a baseball cleat that was long enough, but wouldn't fall off of her heal. She had to have cleats, a helmet and face guard, a bat, glove, balls, a tee to learn to bat correctly, and some sort of thing that you practice batting with that involves tying something to the basketball goal, and it will swing around. I don't get it, but then it's sports....I typically don't get sports "stuff" and that's fine with me.

At the check out Bookworm expressed concern over the amount. She asked how much everything cost. Studmuffin told her the total of registration and the equipment. She was quiet for a minute and then...."Do you need me to help you pay for that?"

Isn't that sweet? She has some money in a savings account, and she keeps asking when she gets to use it. We keep telling her it's for college and maybe a car when she's older. She asked me how much college will cost. I said about $20,000/year. I know that's a big number, but I know it's not getting any cheaper, and I want her to realize that it's important to save for it. I also want her to realize that she will have to make good grades and work hard to go to school. She said "Ummm, Mom? That's a lot of money. You may have to help me pay for that. I don't know if I can save that much by then." I laughed. Of course she won't have enough money! And, she'll go to college no matter what. But, I'm glad she's thinking about it. Poor Bookworm. She's so earnest, and she usually has no clue why I burst out laughing at her deep thoughts. But, she's learned to be a good sport and laugh with me.

Oh! One more thing. My brother's kids stayed the weekend with us. They are 13 & 14. We were talking about being weird. Me, specifically, being weird. I told Kris that I have no problem with my weirdness-I've come to embrace it. Popcorn piped up, "Yeah, my mom's really weird. But I don't care. I like it!" Good to know.....Good to know. I may need to remind her of that in a few years......

Winter Fun

As many of you know, we had an ice storm a few weeks ago. Bookworm and I built this seal. You see, it wasn't snow, just inches and inches of ice with a little snow peppered in here and there. The day it started to thaw, we worked quickly to form this little cutie. And for anyone who doesn't remember, Bookworm hates the sun in her eyes, so we settled for a closed eye shot to document her creation.
Kelsey was put to work. I had the girls hold one leash and I lead her with the other and she easily pulled them on the ice. This shot is on an old box, but we ended up using a laundry basket and it seemed to work the very best. And, for any animal rights activists, we did this just a few times because I was afraid it would hurt her neck. I'm totally considering a harness for next year. The dog really didn't seem to mind as long as she was pleasing me, and the kids loved it!
Of course, the puppy tended to get in the way. I scolded her twice for getting in the way, and the third time I scolded her, Kelsey took discipline into her own hands. Holly stayed out of the way after that!
Believe it or not, the pool floaty was the best sled we had. Of course we didn't have a sled, so we were making do with whatever we could find. Unfortunately the floaty only lasted about 30 minutes before it popped. You'd expect more from a dollar store floaty!
Yep, Holly stayed out of our sled dog's way....But she still ran around like a maniac the rest of the time....And most of that time she had Popcorn's stocking cap in her mouth!

Holly update: She is not house trained. She stays outside. She does come in the garage to eat, so I can be sure she gets to eat. She is actually well mannered. She sits politely while you scoop her food, and then doesn't actually eat until you scratch her, then tell her to eat. Then, when she's done eating, she sits at your feet with her head cocked to the side, waiting expectantly for her scratch behind the ears! Yep, she's turned out better, so far, than I expected. I think having an older dog who is well mannered helps. Also, it helps that we refuse to pet her if she's running and jumping all over the place. So, all in all, she's pretty good for a bird dog. But, she does have that unfortunate "bird dog" smell. Oh well, I guess I can't have everything!Holly showing her good manners while she waits to be let out of the garage.

Kelsey, wondering why anyone would be even remotely interested in a pesky puppy when she is obviously more trustworthy and better mannered! Quite frankly, she's disgusted by the whole thing.

Cleaning a Shotgun

Bookworm was full of smiles and sparkling with excitement when I picked her up. She was practically glowing.....I was smiling just looking at her....but then she told me......And my smile became a little more strained.

Studmuffin is cleaning his shotgun.

Guess why?





A FOURTH GRADER WANTS TO BE HER BOYFRIEND, THAT'S WHY!!!!



Bookworm: Hey Mom! Guess what Tyler said today! *giggle*
Me: What?
Bookworm: Well, we were on our way to pick up Nanna (Tyler is the babysitter's son...Nanna is the grandma), and Brady had Tyler ask me to be his girlfriend, *giggle* but I said 'I'm not allowed' so Tyler told Brady *giggle* and then Brady had Tyler ask me if I would like him if I was allowed to have a boyfriend, and then I said 'I don't know!' *giggle, giggle, giggle*

Okay, so I'm inwardly freaking, yet of course, there's this little burst of happiness because she's so excited that a boy wants to be her boyfriend. But, I don't want my 3rd grader to have a boyfriend....

Me: So, do you want to have a boyfriend? If you were allowed, of course.
Bookworm *giggle*: I don't know!

Oh....Gentle Reader.....I think I know....

I think she's flattered that someone wants to be her boyfriend....Yep, my baby is growing up.....

Just a few short months ago she didn't think it was funny that someone wanted to be her boyfriend... In fact she was furious that some boys asked her if she was Ethan's girlfriend. She told the teacher that "2 boys in the hall were being mean and said that she was Ethan's girlfriend, and she's not, and you don't say that to someone when it's not true!" And then, she "gave them the meanest look ever and she showed them!"
Yep! Those boys didn't mess with her anymore!

So, we've gone from giving boys the "meanest look ever" to giggles. Yikes.

Excuse me now....I'm going to go drown my sorrows in a giant bowl of ice cream. Thank you.

Popcorn and Bookworm

My beautiful girls need online names. I've been pondering this for a few days. When they were littler we referred to them as Number One and Number Two when they were in the room and we didn't want them to understand who we were talking about. I originally thought this would work online, but where's the fun in that? And, what does that tell you about their little personalities?

When you name your child, you have no idea what kind of person they'll be. The amazing thing is, that once you meet them, and their little personalities develop, you can't imagine calling them by any other name. Well, I'm saying you, but I guess I better take ownership of my feelings, and quit pushing them off on you, dear reader. I think my little darlin's names are perfect for them, but today I get to be creative and give them new names. So, welcome to the christening of Bookworm and Popcorn... Aha! You already have an immediate image based on these descriptive names, yes? Well, let me tell you a little about my little girls.

My oldest daughter, Bookworm, is... a bookworm, and all of the personality traits inherent in bookishness. She is intellectual, careful, and has a very dry sense of humor. Did I mention she's a tad dramatic? Don't know where she got that from! She actually has a crazy sense of humor, but not everyone gets it. I, of course, being a master in humor fully understand her.

Now, don't you need a story to fully grasp her? Of course you do! Take the Loch Ness monster. The amount of knowledge about a mythical creature in her little noggin is amazing. "Did you know it is probably a plesiosaur? It lives in a lake, called a loch in, like Ireland, or Germany, one of those places." I ask you, how many 8 year olds know that if Nessy exists it's probably a plesiosaur? Or, how about this one. "Mom, the reason my hair looks like I don't brush it is because it's swept." Hmmm....not sure I understand...."You know, it's windswept!" Is that a bookworm word, or what?

Now for Popcorn. She also loves to read, but she is much more...explosive... in her personality. I decided on Popcorn, because I'm never sure when she's going to explode into action. Why walk? Skipping is better. Why sit on your bottom for a movie? Lying on your back and continuously bicycling your legs in the air is way better. This is also the best way to practice spelling words. I guess this helps the blood flow to her brain. She can spin a tale out of almost nothing... It's a mystery where that comes from.

Let me tell you about the "Tricked you now I gotta stick you game." She told me all about it today. The rules are still a little fuzzy. "First, you trick someone, then you say the rhyme. Then, they run away, and tag the mailbox. You must open and close the mailbox... but everyone has to see you do it... Oh, and you have to spin around three times... no four...NO! NO! You do jumping jacks, that's it! JUMPING JACKS!" I asked her if she just made this up. "Yes, but I'm not sure about the rules yet, but it's REALLY FUN!" Of course it is!

Well, dear reader, I hope you have a blessed day. Thank you for sharing my ramblings. I'm sure you feel more complete having learned about my little munchkins? Of course you do!

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."