Birth Order, KP, The Help, and Laziness

Okay, first things first, you need to go read my sister's blog over here.

Then you need to realize that I am hoping she will bring lots of eggnog to Thanksgiving next week, and I will provide Captain Morgan spiced silver rum.   And then we will pretend we are pirate wenches as we make some Christmas crafts Mom has planned for us.  Dawn will be the good one, and she will no doubt be cleaning the kitchen as we are living it up and letting her assume her God given role as older/responsible sister.  And while that role may sound sarcastic, you can't beat birth order, and she is undoubtedly chosen to be the oldest.  Therefore, she is the most responsible.  Poor her.


You know, I used to feel bad when my siblings talked about how spoiled I am as the youngest sibling.  Then I decided that I have no control over birth order.  And if I was spoiled, then it wasn't my fault.  So now my response to the fact that Dawn was never allowed to have Barbies because Dad thought they were trashy is "Sorry about your luck.  I even owned the Barbie town house, complete with elevator.  So there."

Doesn't she appear to be beleaguered and overworked?

 And as for Paula being the middle sister in a family of four kids with one boy, it just is what it is.  Surely that means she can relate better to my mom, who is the middle of three sisters also.  And it means that since her feelings are never considered, she is more aware of how others feel, so surely she's a better person for being a middle child.  Again, this may SOUND like sarcasm, but I'm just citing birth order theory and lately it's been hitting me how REAL the characteristics are that develop as a result of birth order.

Yes, this woman is obviously never noticed or considered.

My oldest wants to adopt a child.  Not like an African child, where you are committed to $25 dollars/month, but a child that will come and live in our house.  Forever and ever.  That was a bolt out of the blue.  And it would turn my youngest into a middle child, and let me tell you, she does NOT have middle child tendencies, so it would be a struggle for her.

And speaking of siblings, a few weeks ago the girls and I were having a random conversation about something.  I know it related to Brent never being at the table when the rest of us were ready to eat.  And somehow that evolved into disappearing acts for kitchen clean up.

"I don't know which of you it will be, but one of you will be shirker of kitchen clean up at family dinners.  The shirker will either suddenly develop the urge to use the bathroom, or breast feed a baby, or possibly even sit in the living room to 'visit with grandmother.'  Do not think for a minute that those in the kitchen are unaware of your shirker ways.  They WILL be aware, and they WILL be talking about you."

And I was honest enough to admit I myself have been the shirker of kitchen duty.  And I was also honest enough to admit that it has probably never been Dawn.  Because, again she is the oldest.  And therefore the most responsible.  Her burden is immense.

Anyhoo, that random conversation has lead to the fact that if one sibling leaves the kitchen to visit the facilities, the other sibling stops all kitchen duty until the absentee sibling shows up.  I acknowledge this was an unintended consequence.  But it is an amusing one.
 
Speaking of lazy,  I AM LOVING WORKING TWO DAYS PER WEEK!!!  I have moments where I feel guilty because I actually have free time.  But then I get over it.  It is so awesome to not have to clean my entire house on Wednesday, along with grocery shopping and car washing and seven loads of laundry.  Now I do a chore every day, along with a load every day.  Well, I was doing a load about every day anyway, but Wednesday was also bedding day.  Now, I wash one person's bedding per day and my back is not in misery at the end of sheet day!

I have time to work out!  I have time to coupon!  I have time to actually stroll through the store and see things that I never saw before because each trip to the store was simply a marathon sprint of tunnel vision where I only got what was needed and did not allow myself to browse as there was no time!  And now I'm realizing that browsing the store can lead to unexpected purchases....

Leading up to Christmas this is expected.  But I will have to be sure I don't let it become the pattern or Brent will make me start working more.

Speaking of sheet day, have you read The Help by Kathryn Stockett?  I thought it was so funny how Minny hated "damn sheet day."  And I always said a little "amen" in my head every time she bemoaned washing sheets.  And my task is not near as onerous or hands on as hers was!

Okay, this post has gone entirely too long.   Have a happy weekend!

P.S.  In FOREsight, this post could possibly come back to haunt me.  As in next weekend at Thanksgiving when we will have a family dinner, complete with big kitchen clean up.  *sigh*   Perhaps foresight isn't a good thing when one ignores it?

And Then It Happened.

I just read a post over at Best of Fates.  I recently discovered her.  Can I say she's hilarious?

Anyway, Megan posted pictures of her jumping on a big platform thingy...

And she was mocking herself about falling down.  Isn't it always the MOST fun to laugh at people who are laughing at themselves?

Anyway, all I could think of was "Wow.  I really need to pee.  If I was jumping up and down right now, I'd totally pee my pants."

And then I remembered that today at work I was giving a puny cough on my way to the break room...One of my coworkers joked about it.  I said, "Well, I've needed to go pee for like two hours and finally have time, so I don't dare cough too hard."

And then I remembered that this affliction is all my sister's fault.  Many many moons ago before the time of my child bearing, Dawn said, "Stop it!  You're making me laugh so hard, I'm going to wet my pants!"  And I laughed because I had heard that saying but never really understood that it was a real thing.  Nor did I understand that my sister could suffer from such a horrific malady.

And then she said, "Just wait until you have kids.  I am so going to laugh at you."

And then she did.

Pitiful...

That's what I am today. I am pitiful.

I've had a sore throat since last Thursday. I stayed home from the festivities for my 15 year reunion Saturday to try and get well. Yesterday I decided I would be better today. I like affirmative decisions...

What I don't like is when my body refuses to cooperate with my decisions. I went to work today and tried to pretend I was well. They sent me home, and I called the doctor.

I called a doctor...

That is a sign of my level of pitifulness. As a nurse, I firmly believe I don't need no stinkin' doctors. I can self diagnose and treat most maladies with over the counter remedies...Just like any other self respecting nurse. However, doctors have a very important power that I do not possess. It is the power of RX. I drug my pitiful tutkus to the doctor, hacked and coughed, hacked and coughed, and informed her that I have bronchitis, and I was pretty sure I might have to give up the healing powers of endless glasses of hot water and chamomile tea, as those did not seem to be healing me. She did a peak flow test on me, and sure enough my lung function was about half what it should be...She gave me a breathing treatment and a steroid shot, called in an inhaler and steroid pack, and sent me home to "sleep and drink orange juice."

So, it seems I did need a stinkin' doctor today. And I have slept most of today. Except when I wake up coughing, unable to catch my breath, and have to drink more hot water to get my larynx to relax.

I had to email Studmuffin the grocery list, so I thought I'd take time to tap a quick post to you, Gentle Reader, and share my woes...

Hey, here's an interesting tidbit for you:

Okay, most of you will know this, but those of you who have not had the privilege of birthing babies will not understand. Drinking endless glasses of hot water and gallons of chamomile tea results in one thing: Frequent trips to the bathroom. If you don't go as soon as you have the slightest twinge from your bladder, a coughing spasm will hit, and you will sure wish you hadn't ignored that twinge.

Now. Wasn't that a lovely image?

Your welcome.

Oh, and I must add here: Once upon a time in the land of before I had borne children, my sister mentioned laughing until she wet her pants...I rolled my eyes, and mentally said, "That will never happen to me." And then, I had a baby, and got pregnant again when my first was 8 months old. Did you know it takes your vaginal wall a full 2 years to regain its previous muscle tone? My gynecologist informed me of this after I was pregnant again. I had the unfortunate experience of not only laughing until I wet my pants, but coughing, sneezing, and of course, vomiting several times a day, all with the risk of wetting my pants if my bladder wasn't good and emptied... I actually got to where I would go to the bathroom because I was having premonitions of vomiting... Good times. Good times. Thankfully, this went away for the most part after I had given my body enough time to tighten back up after Popcorn was born. So it appears, that again, I have my sister to thank for any physical malady that I develop, because I'm pretty sure she has the gift of prophecy, or the gift of hexing me, or something....

And, excuse me, Gentle Reader, but was this post too much information for your delicate constitution? If so, please accept my apologies...

How may I help you?

I need to help people. Wait! That came out wrong. What I meant to say was people need my help. Unfortunately for them, they don't always realize it.

I picked up an extra shift yesterday. One of my coworkers has a mother who is terminally ill, so of course we need help to cover her. I'm your gal for that! Oh, and another coworker wants a long(er) weekend this weekend. So, I picked up her Friday for her. Of course, I'd already agreed to pick up her shift when I was asked to help my other friend, and how do you reneg on helping?

Then I help our music minister get music ready for Sundays and Wednesdays. No big deal. It only takes a few hours a week, plus I get to chat with my friend, and we go eat together. Glad I got to help out there!

What is truly sad, Dear Reader, is that many of you do not even realize the help that I can provide you. I went shopping Saturday with my niece Sarah. She needed new cowboy(girl?) boots. I had a wonderful time spending her money for her. She said from now on I am her personal shopper. No prob!

We were in American Eagle, and I was fiddling with some moccasins (I love moccasins). I stepped back to see Sarah in her jeans. Another lady was trying on jeans, and consulting with a random stranger (to her and me) about the fit. Of course I chimed in. The jeans were stretch. They looked great on her, but I reminded her that stretch jeans grow, and sometimes by the end of the day they are a nuisance to try and keep in place. She totally ignored me and bought them anyway. Pfft! Did she not realize I was helping her?

Later we were in Old Navy. Sarah was again trying on jeans. All of the clearance was an additional 50% off. Sadly, I was completely out of money, so I had to avoid even looking. However, there was a group of women shopping together. The music was blaring, and they were all talking at once. One friend was trying on clothes. They were all giving her advice. She couldn't decide between 2 pairs of pants. I pointed out (because I'm helpful) that they are an additional 50% off. So, really each pair was only $7! She bought both pairs...

Then another of the group was trying on the first girl's rejects. She really loved this red skirt, but was unsure of the waist band. It was a little muffin top-ish. But, the print was adorable, and it was red. I love red. She was trying to convince her friends that she needed the skirt, and with a looser shirt it would look okay (the waist was elastic, so it was really more a matter of where she put it on her hips.) Of course I chimed in. How could I resist? "You know, it would look great with a denim jacket," and she finished for me, "with the sleeves cuffed!"

Her friends rolled their eyes and said she didn't need any more clothes in her closet. She pointed out it was only $4. I said, "You could totally own that skirt and never wear it for a measly $4!" She, the wise woman that she was, also took my advice, and bought the skirt!

I tell you, I love helping people. I can't seem to help myself. If I'm in the store, and I see someone debating 2 brands, looking at labels, and I myself have any crumb of knowledge about either item, I feel compelled to chime in. If someone is struggling to reach something on a high shelf, I feel compelled to offer and grab it for them...the list goes on and on.

I open sodas for people as I hand them over. I have been known to butter and jelly perfectly capable adult patients toast. I will even start adding salt and pepper to their food and cutting it up without thinking! I get towels and drape them across their shoulders so they don't spill food on their gowns. I hold their arm and brace their lower back as I escort them to the bathroom. I fluff their pillows and tuck their blankets, and heaven forbid if they don't want at least a sheet. That drives me bonkers! Every time I look at them, it is as if they are naked, and they really need a sheet to be fully clothed.

WAIT: Total topic change, but I need to make a public service announcement. Men, please, please, please, by all that is good and gracious, when you are in your hospital gown, and you sit on the edge of the bed, you simply must drape a sheet across your lap. I don't care if you are not the least bit cold. It is for your own good, and the peace of mind of every nurse that walks by and worries that you are, well, you are, ummm, we're afraid we might catch a glimpse of well, you see, umm, uh, well...you get my meaning surely? Please, just wear the sheet. It truly is for the better of all society if you do. Thanks.

Return to topic:

My need to help others: It's a sickness, truly it is. I've had people look at me as if I'm crazy, and mutter a "thank you," as they run away from the crazy lady who suggested they try the whole grain Goldfish crackers, which are the same price, tastes as good, blah, blah, blah, as quick as possible. I've embarrassed my husband when I strike up conversations with random strangers in the spaghetti sauce section. *Lucky for him, he's gotten over that.* I offer assistance and advice at the check out, the gas station, the grocery store, school, church...You name it, I've probably stuck my nose in, er, excuse me, HELPED a person there.

So, that's it. I may have a sister who suffers from "one more thing-itis," but I totally suffer from "may I help you-itis"...Or maybe it's "I'm going to help you, so deal with it-itis." Whatever it is, I know I'm perfectly capable of walking away from mountains of chores...Like I did today to have lunch with a friend. Oh, and the chores are still all there...Because I'm about to wrap up this post and head to dinner at church...which means they will still be there next Tuesday because I work the next 2 days, and then we will be gone, and I am usually exhausted after a day at work, plus my back hurts because yesterday I helped move too many patients over the 300 pound mark, and now I'm paying for it (but what the heck else can you do when the patient has to be moved and can't move themselves). Anyhoo, my back hurts every time I stand up, so housework is really unappealing right now...

Hey, maybe I suffer from "why I can't do my houswork-itis" instead of "how may I help you-itis!"

Personalities

It always amazes me how kids show personalities in ways you never expect. The girls went and stayed a few days with my parents last week. They had a great time visiting all of my old haunts. They worked on the fort down at the trees. They hiked around the cliffs and carved their names in the side. And they found the owls nest. Apparently the owl builds her nest in a tree now and not under a ledge on the cliff wall anymore. They called home and told us all about the wonderful souvenirs they found. Of course, they brought their new treasures home.

Bookworm gave her treasure careful consideration and she brought home...




Some lovely rocks to enjoy and use for decoration in her room! Aren't they lovely?




Popcorn gave her treasure equally earnest consideration.....


Yep. You guessed it. She brought home mouse bones and bird feathers. How exciting. How precious. How....how.....how....Well, it's typical Popcorn.

Popcorn may go a million miles an hour, but she sleeps hard. When she was a baby she slept 18 hours a day. I took her to the doctor because she slept so much. She was running around on her little chubby baby legs, laughing, and talking gibberish. He looked at me with exasperation and said, "Your baby is fine. Just be glad that she sleeps and doesn't go like this more hours in the day."

She still sleeps hard and needs more sleep than her sister. One time when she was 4 I found her asleep in a doll crib. It was maybe the size of a baby bassinet, and she was hanging out on all 4 sides, but she had crammed herself in there and was fast asleep.



Bookworm on the other hand hasn't taken a nap since she was probably 3. I always made her lay down for quiet time until she started school, but she would just lay in her bed and read. I made her lay down to rest before her slumber party, and that is what she did that day. Until she heard me coming, then she crammed her book under her pillow and tried to fake a deep sleep. When she heard the camera, she immediately sat up and asked me what I was doing....

BUSTED!!!

Doppelgangers

On my way home from dropping my girls off at my parents today, I stopped in to chat with my sister Dawn. Of course, we discussed blogging, and that led us to discussing our blog friends. AKA, people we have never met, but are obviously just like us in every single way.

Actually, I have to say this revelation is completely my own. You see, I was reading April's blog, and had opened some links to listen to her and her sister Rechelle's laugh. Studmuffin was in the room. He said, "That's you." when he heard Rechelle's gasping laugh....

And that's when it dawned on me...No, no, not my sister's blog...I had my very own epiphany...

April & Rechelle are obviously our doppelgangers. They are sisters who both blog. They are very different, yet obviously share the same sense of humor. They have a family laugh. We too have a family laugh. Alas, I have no laugh recording to play for you, so I will do my best to describe it in words.

There are actually 2 forms of the laugh. The first laugh is loud. And kind of cackling. The kind of laugh that a mom lets rip and you can hear her over every other person in the auditorium, theater, school hallway, ballgame...You get the picture. It's loud. It's cackling. It's horribly embarrassing for children, but it's very liberating to let rip as an adult....It's one of those, "Oh crap, I turned into my mother, but oh well, I might as well embrace it" sort of things. Do you follow? Good.

Then there's the 2nd family laugh. This particular laugh was inherited from our father. It's a special laugh and is reserved for moments of extreme hilarity. It is best experienced with the entire family in attendance, because kind of like an audience clapping, the entire laugh sequence from beginning to end will become synchronized. Aren't you just dying of curiosity?

Well, here's a run down of how it goes...

Silence. Tears begin to run down our faces....Our bodies begin to convulse and we develop a strange back and forth rocking movement that involves clutching our stomachs...

My brother-in-law Les begins to narrate the laughter (I guess the silence gets to him). "Here it comes! It's coming! Get ready! It's the wind up...Wait for it. Wait for it..."

And then we all simultaneously inhale in a long high pitched dolphin call that sucks nearly every molecule of oxygen out of the air, and just when innocent bystanders think they will die of oxygen deprivation we all simultaneously let out a blissful sigh.....

We all get tickled that we all laughed in the same bizarre way and that starts the whole cycle over again until we feel like our heads will explode and our stomachs ache as if we've done 100 crunches and we are simply too weak to laugh anymore.

It's great. I promise.

So, it hit me today, that April and Rechelle are just like Dawn and I.

They blog.

We blog.

They are sisters.

We are sisters.

They are both extremely hilarious.

We are both...Okay, I hate to brag, but let's face it, we are hilarious.

Seriously, we are practically the same people.

Only they live in Kansas and we live in Oklahoma! But, that is practically the same thing! Bible Belt and all that you know. Plains, grasslands, wind...

Oh! And of course, they could never be mistaken for Linda Carter or Wonder Woman....

But, nonetheless, other than these two finite details we are practically identical.

So. There you have it. Dawn & I are not only best friends with people we have never even met, these people are obviously our doppelgangers.

Requirements for fighting with your sister

Her existence.

That is all that is required to fight with your sister.

But on the bright side, they both are equally inept at matching clothing!