I'm not fat

At least that's what Popcorn says.

It all started about 2 months ago. That stupid Nutri-System commercial came on. You know the one...it has the woman who works in Hollywood, and she had ballooned up to, like, a size 10 *gasp*. Then, she found Nutri-System, and lost weight. Now, she's a disgusting size, like 4 or something. Those details are foggy in my memory.

What's not foggy is her outfit....zippered shirt, unzipped to down there, tight jeans...sandy blond hair, perfectly tousled with artfully arranged highlights to give the California sun-kissed look...I'm getting nauseous thinking about it... Let's move on, shall we?

Popcorn pipes up "Mommy, you need to do that, so you can look like her!"

Imagine my look of horror. Steam starts rolling out my ears...My eyes are glowing red (or was it green?)

Studmuffin quickly steps in to save the day. "Ummm, honey, even Daddy doesn't go there."
Popcorn: I'm not talking about you, Daddy, I mean MOMMY!
It's about this point that she actually makes eye contact with me. Nobody ever said Popcorn was slow to catch on. "At least, I think you should...I don't know that's just what I think.... I think."
When you hear this conversation in your head, remember my little ones lived in TX long enough to get the accent down. Think is actually tha-ink. Try it in your imagination, it helps, I promise. Much more impact.

But back to the point. You know me, I didn't say a word. Not a word. I composed myself, smiled at her, and faked a brittle laugh. I tried to be okay with it, really I did.

I blew it off...

I did...The whole thing never crossed my mind again....

Why don't you believe me? What is wrong with you people?! I moved on...

Of course that little kernel of information has been sitting in my subconscious for these past months. She redeemed herself yesterday. We were lying on the floor, rolling around.

Popcorn: Hey Mom, you're flat here!
Me: What do you mean?
Popcorn: Here. (Oh, Dear Reader she rubbed my STOMACH!..be still my heart)

Yep, she redeemed herself. I have a flat stomach. (Dear Reader, what we are not focusing on here is the fact that I was lying flat on my back, with gravity to help me out.) My 6 year old said so, and 6 year olds don't lie...well sometimes they don't lie...at least, I'm sure she wasn't lying this time...I think. ....

*sigh* Excuse me while I go do some Pilates....