Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Okay, I'll tell you my secret...
I have a scar in my belly button. No, I didn't have laparascopic surgery. No, I didn't have liposuction...I wish. Mine is way more romantic than either of those.
Many years ago, way back in 1998, there was a young married couple. They were deeply in love. Studmuffin decided to prove his love on a romantic camping trip to Turner Falls, OK. After a day of hiking Studmuffin decided to build a camp fire for his lady love. Oh, it was going to be a beautiful fall night. He had even complied with state regulations and brought his own wood that he had bought at his local Albertson's. No chopping down the local forest for this romeo. Nope... he followed the rules.
Hey, did you know that the wood you buy at your local Albertson's is sometimes green? Yes, it's very hard to light. But Studmuffin persevered, and after dousing the green wood in approximately 2 cans of lighter fluid he triumphed. His lady love was chilly, and he wanted some romance...and he was pretty darn sure that wouldn't happen if she was cold. His lady love hated to be cold.
Well, after getting the fire started, things started progressing quite nicely for Studmuffin. Ooolala, the romantic fires were burning...did I say burning? What is that burning sensation? Lady Love let out a screech of pain, and scared poor Studmuffin to death! What did he do? Was there a fire breathing dragon that needed to be slain? Yes! But not in the expected manner! You see, the aforementioned green wood had popped... and popped a burning ember, out of the fire, and as Studmuffin's luck would have it, right into his lady love's belly button. She tried to flick away the burning sensation. Unfortunately, that only pushed it further in. She began to screech and thrash...Dear Reader, it was NOT romantic. She had to resort to grabbing the glowing ember, and plucking it out! Now she had burned fingers too!
The story, sadly, gets worse. Lady Love was not yet a nurse, she was a student nurse, and unprepared for the risks of adventurous living. She had no burn cream, no antiseptic, no pain reliever...nada. And let me tell you, she was in pain.
Oh, she tried to be strong. She tried to ignore the pain, but alas, she was weak. She had to be taken to the first aid station.
Did you know they want to SEE your burn when you show up in the middle of the night asking for pain reliever and antibiotic ointment? Aack! Lady Love was so humiliated. The park ranger wanted to know HOW she managed to burn her belly button. "None of your beeswax, bucko! Now just give me some ibuprofen and neosporin!" Of course, she was more gentle than this (she was humiliated after all, and wanted to get in and out by bringing as little attention to herself as possible.)
Well, Lady Love and Studmuffin got their supplies and returned to camp, but the romantic atmosphere was no more. They enjoyed the remainder of their trip (minus the flames of love.) But... was it their imagination or did the park staff all chuckle when they happened by them on their hikes? Alas, the paranoia became more than Lady Love could bear...They packed up and returned to their safe little apartment in Arlington, TX. The end.