Rodents on the Run

Studmuffin can be pretty smug. He read my True Love Story. He said he knew I was in love with him that night. So much for thinking he's modest! He reminded me that he gave me a little peck good night, and I grabbed his face and planted a big ole smacker on him. I'm sure he exaggerates. That seems more forward than friendly....I'm sure I was just....friendly!

My mom saved me from complete Valentine Chocolate deprivation. She showed up with some Lindt truffles. Thank heavens. Now I don't have to harbor secret bitterness about that for the next 12 months!

Our day got off to an exciting start yesterday. Ava was missing from her cage. It seems her cage door was left open at some point Saturday. Studmuffin had been dreaming about hearing a mouse chewing....We found a gerbil dropping in the hallway...Another in the living room. It was almost time for church, and I was really dreading spending my Sunday nap time looking for a gerbil that could really be anywhere. I had finished getting everyone ready and was ironing my shirt. A dark object ran out from under our bed, then darted back. I screamed. Of course. Then I cheered. Yay, now I know where Ava is! Apparently that dream about a mouse chewing was Ava chewing under our bed! She ran back out and under again. I couldn't help it...I screamed again. I couldn't help it. I'm not at all frightened of Ava. It's just the suggestion of a rodent running out from under my bed that makes me squeal like a girl. Studmuffin came in, and caught the little booger. She's normally very slow and awkward. It seems she had the taste of freedom, and she wasn't giving up without a fight. We ran her out from under the bed. She ran behind the night stand. Then she ran under a pile of pillows. Studmuffin trapped her, lifted her, and she LEAPED out and dove under the chest of drawers, but fortunately came out the other side. We finally got her cornered under the flap of a box. Studmuffin reached in and grasped her very firmly while returning the little escape artist to her cage.

So, the trauma of Ava's escape reminded me of a story....Aren't you excited?

When I was in high school, I always slept until the last possible moment. My mom was my bus driver, so I had to be on the bus at 6:50 in the morning. I would do my makeup on the way to school, and even had a butane curling iron to help me achieve the appropriate 90s big bangs. I would usually eat a very nutritious breakfast of chocolate cake, or something equally healthy. Anyway, I am not a morning person. I don't do well with intelligent thought in the early moments of waking...This particular morning was no exception.

I woke up to my alarm, and my mom's usual chipper "Good morning!" Sometimes she even SANG! Ugh!I resisted the urge to throw something at her, and stumbled out of bed to the smell of fresh pancakes and hot maple syrup. My mom made pancakes every morning, and she used to even make her own syrup...But, by this point she had fallen from her tower of idealism, and resorted to buying maple syrup and heating it in the microwave. I hated the smell and taste of maple syrup for years. Remember, I'm not a morning person, and I associated that smell with early mornings and chipper parents...Not a good combo for a cranky teenager.

So, I digressed. Forgive me....

I stumbled out of bed, and went directly to the bathroom across the hall. I assumed my usual position. Elbows on knees. Head in hands. Eyes closed. Something ran across my foot. I cracked one eye open....There was a mouse between my bare toes and the wall. I shrieked. This startled the monster, and it ran BACK across my foot, and squeezed between the hamper door, and disappeared (we had a built in hamper.)

I totally freaked out at this point. I jumped up on the toilet, with one foot on either side of the bowl and continued to scream and shriek. My dad came busting in the bathroom, sure I was dying a horrible death, to find me in my Donald Duck nightgown, with my panties around my ankles, standing on the toilet, screaming....For no immediately apparent reason.

"M-m-m-m-mouse! Mouse! MOUSE! MOUSE!!!!"

"Where?" he asked.

"It r-r-r-r-rannnn u-u-u-u-under th-th-th-the h-h-h-hh-h-h-h-hammp-p-p-p-perrr!" More crying and wailing and general hysteria.

Dad opens the hamper. No mouse. He unhinges it, so it can open up flat. No mouse. You see, the access to get under the house was under the hamper. The little devil had done his duty of scaring the daylights out of me, then disappeared under the trap door (okay, this is really just a piece of plywood over the opening), to make me look like an over reactive crazy teenager. Which I'm sure I wasn't.

Dad started laughing.

And laughing.

And laughing some more.

Tears rolled down his cheeks.

His face turned red.

His laughter went all silent, like it does when he's so tickled he can't even breathe, his face turns purple, and you are sure he is going to have a stroke right then unless he stops and breathes.......which he finally does with a little gasp, and then this begins again with the only sound escaping being a little whine of air that comes out occasionally. The laughing goes on and on and on....Until it is finally finished with the official family finale... A big sigh.

I did not laugh. I was not amused. I was horrified. I was mortified. I was embarrassed. I was furious. My DAD had seen me standing on the toilet with my panties around my ankles, screaming about apparently.....NOTHING!

Dad laughed every time he looked at me that morning.

I was so embarrassed. Eventually I recovered. And even laughed......A little.

So, there you have it. A story to brighten your Monday morning. Hope your day is humiliation and rodent free!