Remember our cat named Mitts? Did you ever wonder where she came from? After I told you about her love for Studmuffin did you lie awake in bed wondering where we obtained such a cat, and how could I have failed to tell you even the most minute detail of my life? Were you shocked that I actually left a stone unturned in my open book life? Well FEAR NOT!!! I am here to relieve your curiosity regarding a cat named Satan....I mean Mitts.
Studmuffin and I immediately moved to the big city after getting married. Well, a few days after getting married. First he had to receive his ceremonial circumcision (click here to learn more) by my pet rabbit, Buster, then we moved.
I had never envisioned myself leaving the farm, much less leaving the Grand Ole State of Oklahoma. I was soon startled to find myself living not only in Texas, but in an apartment in the big city of Arlington (smack between Dallas & Fort Worth for anyone who doesn't know.) I was working in a bridal shop (big failure for me...but I'll refrain from that story until another day) and I was home sick.
I had been hiding my misery from Studmuffin for weeks. I didn't want him to know the pit of despair he had flung me to when he took me away from wide open space to a place of cars, smog and humidity. He asked me one day, "Are you okay? You don't seem yourself lately."
"I'm fine. I don't really want to talk about it." Sensitive, romantic, caring soul that he is, he sensed perhaps I wasn't really "fine."
Now, this is the point where Studmuffin learned what he claims to be his most important marital lesson to date. He said "It's okay. Let's talk about it. Tell me how you really feel."
I responded with "BWAAAAAAAA!!! I hate living in the city. I hate living in an apartment. I hate my job. I hate Texas. I have no friends. I have no family here, and I WANT MY MOMMY!!!" Booooooo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoooooowooowooowoowoowooooooooO!!! Sob, sob, sob, waa, waa, waa, hiccup, sniff, sniff, snort,and on it went.....
Well, to say he was shocked and completely unable to handle the situation is not at all an understatement. He held me and let me cry my tears out. He was very sweet, even though he did tell me to never tell him how I really feel again, if it was anything like this, because he really didn't want to know.
Fast forward a few days.....
I came home from work. Studmuffin met me at the door. "Close your eyes! I have a surprise for you!" And he placed a warm ball of fur in my hands.
"A kitten! It's white! With Blue Eyes! And it has fleas! How........sweet!"
It seems Studmuffin had decided that the perfect cure for my loneliness would be a kitten. So, he went to a pet shop and picked the feistiest kitten they had. And he brought her home. Fleas and all.
There was only two little hitches in this brilliant plan of Studmuffin's. First, the cat was white. Now, in my experience of farm cats, the white ones with blue eyes and the ones with Siamese markings were always the least friendly. So, that was immediately a strike against her. Strike two? She loved Studmuffin. Not me. In fact, she rarely loved Studmuffin, unless he was asleep, or attempting to draw, then she had to be on top of him, or whatever work he was involved in.
Oh, she had some interesting idiosyncrasies. She loved to fetch. She lived for the seals off of milk jugs. She was fascinated with touch lamps, and would spend forever batting them off and on. She was a good hunter. One apartment we lived in had a gap under the door, that no matter how many times the maintenance man "fixed" it, roaches could still crawl under it.
Do you know about the roaches in Texas? They are huge. Think of the Madagascar hissing cockroaches on Fear Factor, and add an inch. They would crawl under our door at night. Mitts would sit at the door, twitch her tail, and wait for them to come in....then POUNCE!!! She would always bring her trophy over for us to see. Yuck. If they got past the cat, you could hear them fly and hit the wall with a whack. I would wake Studmuffin up at night and insist he find the roach and kill it before we could go back to sleep....I hated those things.
So, there you have it....The saga of Mitts, the Satan cat who hated everyone but Studmuffin.
Oh! You still aren't sure why I call her evil are you? Well, she hated the kids. When Bookworm was born she immediately went into hiding. She only came out from under the bed when Bookworm was asleep. Then, when Popcorn was born, she'd had enough. She came out of hiding with a vengeance.
She peed in the crib. She pooped on the floor in the nursery. She attacked Bookworm. And on and on.....One day I called Studmuffin in all of my post partum calmness and abundance of patience and serenely screamed "EITHER YOU GET THIS CAT OUT OF MY HOUSE TODAY OR I AM PERSONALLY GOING TO KILL HER!!!!" And I meant it.
Studmuffin took her to the pound soon after that. Strangely we could find no one to take a full grown cat that hated children and had no use for anyone but Studmuffin. Imagine that.