Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A G20 summit meeting with the ants
Ummm...Excuse me! Excuse me? Mr. Big Red Ant? I need to speak with you......
Oh! There you are. I was wondering if we could speak. Actually, I would like to speak with the queen, but I understand she's too busy to bother with me right now. Could you spare a minute of your time? Don't worry, I'll wait while you round up your advisers and press secretaries.
Yes...Yes, I understand you're very busy. It's just you seem to have forgotten a few terms of our agreement.
Terms? Oh, now Mr. Big Red Ant, don't play ignorant with me. You know the agreement. The one where I agreed to let you stay in your 2 dens at the back of our property if you promised not to venture closer to the house?
Still don't remember? Let me refresh your memory. You stay in your 2 original dens, and I don't unleash a big nuclear pesticide bomb all over your den.
Yes. That agreement.
I understand how important you are Mr. Big Red Ant. I like you. I truly do. I used to love to watch you at my Great Grandma Jones' house. She had a giant den. I loved to single out one ant and just follow him around. I was always fascinated by your work ethic. I also happen to love horny toads, and one thing I learned in Texas is that killing all of you seems to greatly effect the horny toad population. Since I love all things toad and froggish, I'm sure you understand.
What's that you say? You don't particularly care for horny toads? Well, under the circumstances, I can understand that.
How about bed bugs? I know that if I ever have an infestation of bed bugs I can put my Original Prairie Woman hat and throw all of my bedding and mattresses out for you, and you will gladly eat the bugs, eggs and all.
You like that example better? Okey dokey. But I gotta tell you, I prefer to think about horny toads.....
So, Mr. Big Red Ant, here's the problem. You have started a 3rd den. Closer to the house. This is in clear violation of the original agreement. Please understand that if you act quickly to abandon this 3rd den, I will gladly defer any further actions at this time.
However, if you fail to meet our terms, I'm afraid I will have to take drastic action....
And nobody wants to see that.
Thank you for your time Mr. Big Red Ant. Please convey my greetings to the queen and have a good day.