Wednesday, September 2, 2009

How may I help you?

I need to help people. Wait! That came out wrong. What I meant to say was people need my help. Unfortunately for them, they don't always realize it.

I picked up an extra shift yesterday. One of my coworkers has a mother who is terminally ill, so of course we need help to cover her. I'm your gal for that! Oh, and another coworker wants a long(er) weekend this weekend. So, I picked up her Friday for her. Of course, I'd already agreed to pick up her shift when I was asked to help my other friend, and how do you reneg on helping?

Then I help our music minister get music ready for Sundays and Wednesdays. No big deal. It only takes a few hours a week, plus I get to chat with my friend, and we go eat together. Glad I got to help out there!

What is truly sad, Dear Reader, is that many of you do not even realize the help that I can provide you. I went shopping Saturday with my niece Sarah. She needed new cowboy(girl?) boots. I had a wonderful time spending her money for her. She said from now on I am her personal shopper. No prob!

We were in American Eagle, and I was fiddling with some moccasins (I love moccasins). I stepped back to see Sarah in her jeans. Another lady was trying on jeans, and consulting with a random stranger (to her and me) about the fit. Of course I chimed in. The jeans were stretch. They looked great on her, but I reminded her that stretch jeans grow, and sometimes by the end of the day they are a nuisance to try and keep in place. She totally ignored me and bought them anyway. Pfft! Did she not realize I was helping her?

Later we were in Old Navy. Sarah was again trying on jeans. All of the clearance was an additional 50% off. Sadly, I was completely out of money, so I had to avoid even looking. However, there was a group of women shopping together. The music was blaring, and they were all talking at once. One friend was trying on clothes. They were all giving her advice. She couldn't decide between 2 pairs of pants. I pointed out (because I'm helpful) that they are an additional 50% off. So, really each pair was only $7! She bought both pairs...

Then another of the group was trying on the first girl's rejects. She really loved this red skirt, but was unsure of the waist band. It was a little muffin top-ish. But, the print was adorable, and it was red. I love red. She was trying to convince her friends that she needed the skirt, and with a looser shirt it would look okay (the waist was elastic, so it was really more a matter of where she put it on her hips.) Of course I chimed in. How could I resist? "You know, it would look great with a denim jacket," and she finished for me, "with the sleeves cuffed!"

Her friends rolled their eyes and said she didn't need any more clothes in her closet. She pointed out it was only $4. I said, "You could totally own that skirt and never wear it for a measly $4!" She, the wise woman that she was, also took my advice, and bought the skirt!

I tell you, I love helping people. I can't seem to help myself. If I'm in the store, and I see someone debating 2 brands, looking at labels, and I myself have any crumb of knowledge about either item, I feel compelled to chime in. If someone is struggling to reach something on a high shelf, I feel compelled to offer and grab it for them...the list goes on and on.

I open sodas for people as I hand them over. I have been known to butter and jelly perfectly capable adult patients toast. I will even start adding salt and pepper to their food and cutting it up without thinking! I get towels and drape them across their shoulders so they don't spill food on their gowns. I hold their arm and brace their lower back as I escort them to the bathroom. I fluff their pillows and tuck their blankets, and heaven forbid if they don't want at least a sheet. That drives me bonkers! Every time I look at them, it is as if they are naked, and they really need a sheet to be fully clothed.

WAIT: Total topic change, but I need to make a public service announcement. Men, please, please, please, by all that is good and gracious, when you are in your hospital gown, and you sit on the edge of the bed, you simply must drape a sheet across your lap. I don't care if you are not the least bit cold. It is for your own good, and the peace of mind of every nurse that walks by and worries that you are, well, you are, ummm, we're afraid we might catch a glimpse of well, you see, umm, uh, get my meaning surely? Please, just wear the sheet. It truly is for the better of all society if you do. Thanks.

Return to topic:

My need to help others: It's a sickness, truly it is. I've had people look at me as if I'm crazy, and mutter a "thank you," as they run away from the crazy lady who suggested they try the whole grain Goldfish crackers, which are the same price, tastes as good, blah, blah, blah, as quick as possible. I've embarrassed my husband when I strike up conversations with random strangers in the spaghetti sauce section. *Lucky for him, he's gotten over that.* I offer assistance and advice at the check out, the gas station, the grocery store, school, church...You name it, I've probably stuck my nose in, er, excuse me, HELPED a person there.

So, that's it. I may have a sister who suffers from "one more thing-itis," but I totally suffer from "may I help you-itis"...Or maybe it's "I'm going to help you, so deal with it-itis." Whatever it is, I know I'm perfectly capable of walking away from mountains of chores...Like I did today to have lunch with a friend. Oh, and the chores are still all there...Because I'm about to wrap up this post and head to dinner at church...which means they will still be there next Tuesday because I work the next 2 days, and then we will be gone, and I am usually exhausted after a day at work, plus my back hurts because yesterday I helped move too many patients over the 300 pound mark, and now I'm paying for it (but what the heck else can you do when the patient has to be moved and can't move themselves). Anyhoo, my back hurts every time I stand up, so housework is really unappealing right now...

Hey, maybe I suffer from "why I can't do my houswork-itis" instead of "how may I help you-itis!"


Becky said...

Oh Andi, Andi, And-deeeeeeeeeee,

I suffer from the same affliction but to a much lesser degree. I get my fix at work now so I have complete self control the rest of the time... well, for the most part.

You always make me laugh. So between work and shopping advice... when do you sleep?

Dawn said...

Hah! You are right on the money! I also have "let me share my knowledge-itis. I'll have to consider that for another blog post! You little helper you!

Heidi said...

OH the helping at the store with the top shelf is SO ME! OMG! I thought I had issues with that - but you are the queen of it! LOL I totally lost it when you wrote about the guy in the hospital gown and his sheet.... That was tooooooooo funny....