Did you go vote today?
Well, I sure as shootin' did.
I made sure and left the house in plenty of time to drop off our overdue movies at the library and still get to the poles BEFORE they open so I could high tail it to work...
Did I mention my coffee maker is broken? This statement may seem irrelevant, but hang on, you will soon understand, Gentle Reader.
I turned left at the light in our little town, and was surprised to see several cars heading toward the library.
"Well, lookey there! There is a big ole sign saying, 'vote here!' I thought I had to go the church to vote! How convenient is this?"
I dropped my movies in the drop box and be-bopped myself to the voters' line. There were already at least 10 or 15 people in front of me...And it was only 6:50 am. I smugly patted myself on the back for being so prepared and clever to beat the crowds.
Guess what? I was at the wrong place!
"I don't have you on my list ma'am," said lovely helpful voter lady.
In a rush, I realize my blunder.
"I think I'm supposed to be at the church..." I began to blush. And sweat. I suddenly regretted the fleece jacket I had thrown on over my scrubs.
"Are you sure? Do you want me to call and make sure?"
"No, that's okay. I think I voted there last time." Read here: I voted there the last 2 times I voted. Reader, I have no idea WHAT I was thinking!
So. I get to the proper polling place.
SCORE!! No line.
I fill out my ballot. I was feeling quite smug. I had done my homework, Gentle Reader. I had a list of who I was voting for, and I had a list of answers to the ELEVEN state questions on the ballot. I picked it up, and began to scan it as I walked to drop it off.
I had filled in one of my votes WRONG!! Really. What is the point of the cheat sheet if you still can't get it right? I asked for a new ballot, filled in the appropriate blanks for a destroyed ballot, and went back and voted correctly....
THEN, I drove to work.
I clocked in.
Went in the door that leads DIRECTLY to the break room.
And I brewed myself a cup of coffee.
Amen and Amen.
BUT WAIT! That's not the end! Oh, no!
I had a small child care issue today. As in, the girls rode the bus home but had to come home to an empty house. We had the whole plan for that in place, including emergency drills... It went off smoothly. I ended up getting home about 10 minutes after they did.
I sat down and read through our mail. I snarfed down some corn chips. Had a moment of self loathing for choosing those over a banana. I ate a banana. I debated a cup of coffee...I scoffed at my lack of exercise recently...
I realized it was time to head to piano. I thought of the lovely walking track that circles our church. I changed out of my scrubs, and into my workout gear, then tossed my scrubs in my bag lest I get called to work (I take call on Mondays and Tuesdays.) I grabbed my shoes, yelled at the kids to get in the car, and left for the church.
That's right. The church.
Where we have piano.
AND voting is taking place.
AND, as it happens, directory photos were being taken.
Guess what I was wearing? I was planning on walking the outdoor track and doing a disgusting amount of lunges. I was not planning on seeing a soul except the piano teacher.
I had on skin tight workout pants.
Seriously. Skin tight.
I ended up just doing half the track. All of the back half so as not to be seen.
I came in to grab the girls after piano. Bookworm was still in her lesson. In a moment of silliness, I was carrying Popcorn around....
A man in a suit walked by me...said an awkward, "hello" and darted into the bathroom...
You see, I was holding Popcorn spread eagled upside down...She had been standing with her legs spread. I swooped down and ducked under her legs, picking her up, so that her head was at my rear, and her feet were up in the air on either side of my head. She was yelling things like, "Mom! You really let one rip! Peeeyoooo! That is raunchy! Oh man, that REALLY stinks!" And so on.
No. I had not done any such thing.
But man in the suit did not know that crazy lady in the skin tight pants holding her daughter in a MOST improper way did not decide to let one rip.
And that, Gentle Reader, is the end of my humiliating chronicles.
For today at least.