Friday, December 3, 2010

ADHD Gardening

I took this picture a few weeks after we moved here.

I am a really good starter.

I am a terrible finisher.

Unless of course I can finish it right away, and then I am a FANTABULOUS finisher!

I had a spurt of energy yesterday afternoon, and after being cooped up in the house for 4 days, I decided I needed to pull the dead marigolds and zinnias out of my flower beds. These are the two flowers I am most successful at growing.

Only I don't really "grow"them.

Here's how it works.

I move to a house. They inevitably have at least some marigolds and zinnias planted. I leave them be, and splash a little water on them when I think about it. When I notice a dead head, I pull it off and drop it near where the original is growing.

Soon, I have several plants close to one another. I decide to transplant them to a new location. Say, an unsightly flower bed placed next to our shop, surrounded by concrete, that I really don't understand the purpose of.

See the flowers to the left of the tent camper? That was the result of transplanting some stray zinnias.

Now that it's fall, the next step is in place. I pull up the dead plants. I tug off the dead blooms, then scatter them wherever I want to have flowers next year. Like under Popcorn's window. And around the fish pond. Under the trees. In random pots that are really hopeless, as I will never be successful in growing anything that requires frequent watering.

Or attention....


Moving on!

Are you ready for the really genius part of all of this?

Hang on to your pants, folks because it's about to get crazy here....

I take leaves that are conveniently all over the yard. I gather the scattered leaves....and I PILE them on TOP of the dead flower heads. Then I kind of stomp around in them.

Not because it's necessary.

It's just fun!

My theory is that leaves should never be raked, bagged and *gasp* taken to landfills!

My thought is that the leaves hold the dead flower heads and scattered seeds in place, and help them to germinate and take root! Plus, those decomposing leaves make the soil happy.

Attention: Sorry for all of that extremely scientific jargon in this post. My mad gardening skills are legion. Legion, I tell ya!

Now, here's the next secret in my ADHD gardening arsenal: I leave the rest of my leaves in the yard!

I KNOW!!! Revolutionary stuff here!

Again, back to the sad state of leaves filling land fills...Plus, there is just nothing cheerier than the sound of leaves blowing and crinkling in the yard! So what if they blow up on your porch? Simply take your broom and sweep them back in the yard! It only takes a second, and when you've made your leaf strewn porch sparkling clean, you get the instant gratification of cleaning something quickly!

Kind of like running the vacuum.

Sadly, I had to stop my gardening after a brief spurt of energy. My lungs started to burn, and there is nothing sorrier than a nurse who has to visit the doctor because they failed to follow instructions...You do realize nurses make the absolute worst patients, right? I once had a surgeon tell me he'd rather have another surgeon laying in the bed than a nurse. I have to agree.

More ADHD Gardening Tips:

Kids forts made out of the limbs you trimmed from your trees are to stay put. Don't worry, your children will move them forty dozen times before spring is here, breaking them into smaller pieces as they reconstruct their masterpieces, and you can eventually throw them in your fire pit! Oh, and don't fret that YOU will be the one to gather these stray limbs, Gentle Reader. Never let it be said! Your precious offspring who have enjoyed them for an entire season will be responsible for cleaning up the mess they made in the yard BEFORE it is time to start running the mower, so you won't have to worry about flying bits of wood!

Nothing organic should ever land in your trash, thus ending up in your local landfill. Too impatient/disorganized to keep up with a compost pile? I just throw everything in my garden! It may not be as good as a smelly, steaming compost pile, but it's got to be doing some good when those rotted grapes finish their decomposition in the garden.

Got some meal scraps that you don't want to feed your pets? No problem! Simply scrape them out over the fence in your back yard! Some random hungry creature is sure to come gobble them up! When you hear your American dingo barking frantically in the back yard at night, rest easy knowing that it's probably just a coyote, badger, skunk, raccoon, or even possum enjoying the bounty that you provided for them!

And, feeding coyotes around here is always a good thing! It makes them less leery when Studmuffin wants to sit on the back porch and hunt them. I'm all about supporting my spouse's redneck ways here. Yep, that is me! Supportive wife!

Okay, I know I have legions more ADHD gardening tips to share with you. Unfortunately, my ADHD is kicking in, and I'm running out of ideas...So, I will end this post with one simple question.

What is your easy gardening tip that takes little or no time, yet yields beautiful results?

Hint: I truly am impatient and inattentive. Daily chores do not work well for me.

Just being real here.


Jen said...

This is quite funny. I laughed out loud several times, especially about nurses being the worst patients. Kinda like auto mechanics and their cars...

Thanks for brightening my day!

Marilyn said...

You said it all. Who was your coach?

Paula said...

I'm a deadhead gardener too...Andi I am soooooo jealous that we don't have trees big enough to put the leaves in our flower beds. We have told the town folk we would like some, but so far everyne has mulched their leaves in to their yard or hads bagged them and sent them to the landfill.

Caitlin said...

Ah, you and I sound like we have similar gardening styles. I posted a blog a few days back, "Gardening for the clueless." My secret is to grow big bushy things so you don't see the weeds. Plants in my garden also need to thrive on neglect. Luckily lots of Australian natives are independent souls.

Crazy Sister said...

You started sounding kind of manic there - how much medication are you on?

LOL, just kidding, and glad you're back on your feet.

Seven years ago I bought a HUGE packet of birdseed, and I'm still using it in the garden. Just throw out a handful whenever and either birds will eat it straight away, or it'll grow into random crops, and THEN birds will eat it.

The best are the sunflower seeds. So easy to grow, and they're the biggest, happiest flowers around.

So that's my gardening tip. Throw birdseed around all the time.

Michelle said...

My gardening tip is perennials. They just grow and look pretty. If you're lucky, they'll spread and fill in the holes. I'm a horrible gardener. I dislike weeding, but I love looking at my plants hence perennials. :)

Givinya De Elba said...

Loved your ADHD gardening tips Andi! I especially loved the idea of a fire pit. There's no way we'd be allowed to have one here in Australia. If anyone lit a spark anywhere in Australia, we'd set the whole continent on fire. Yeah sure, we've had a lot of rain in the last month, but fire bans won't be lifted anytime soon, I'm thinking.