Thursday, June 9, 2011

Compassionate? Yeah. Umm. Sure.

We have a hectic day tomorrow.  Since we knew our day was going to be nigh impossible tomorrow we decided to do a few cases late in the day today so we wouldn't be even crazier tomorrow.

Good planning, no?

Tom is the 6:30 am nurse.  We were at our lockers changing into our "going home" shoes.  Tom was digging through his disaster of a locker, because Tom is a nonrecovering hoarder.  I'm grabbing my purse, emptying my pockets, and shoving a piece of Dove Special Dark Chocolate in my mouth. The following conversation went down.

Oh, by the way, our lockers are in a shared area with a men's and women's restroom on either side.  Just thought you might need clarification on why I'm in a locker room with a male coworker.  You should also know that Tom is infallibly polite.  Our elderly patients love him because he begins every statement with "Pardon me," or "excuse me for a minute."  Seriously.  If you are talking to him, nearly every statement he begins starts with those two phrases.  As you will see, I suffer from no such compunctions.

Moving on.

Tom:  Well, Andi as of right now, I will be in tomorrow, but my ear is bothering me, and it's infected.  I'm going to go home and take some medicine...(dang nurses and their self diagnosing, I don't need no stinkin' doctor attitudes)

Andi:  Tom.  How do you know your ear is infected?

Tom:  Well, it hurts, and I feel pressure when I put my finger...

Sadly, I didn't let him finish his sentence as I know that a symptom of an ear infection is pain with manipulation of the ear.

Andi:  You need to go home and take 1200mg Mucinex and some pseudoephedrine, and drink plenty of water.  It's probably just congestion.  You don't have an infection.  (Translation: he is on call, and he better not be sick or I will have to pick it up for him.)

Tom:  Well, I...(he begins to gesture towards his nose.)

Andi:  Tom. Don't do your nasal rinse when you have fluid on your ears.  That's bad.  Take the Mucinex and Sudafed.  You will be fine.

Tom:  Well....Pardon me.  I was going to say Afrin.

Andi:  Oh.  Okay.  You can take Afrin.  But you better take the other too.  Mucinex.  1200 mg BID (twice a day to civilians).  Sudafed.  30mg every four hours.  You will go like this, (and I jerked my body around in  a convulsive manner and made my eyes all googly) but you will be at work.

At this point my supervisor chimed in.

Julie:  You will be at work on time, or possibly 3:30 am, because you won't be able to sleep taking all of the medicine Andi said to take.  But she won't care, because you'll be here and yelling: Hurry up!  Let's go!  Get these people on the table!

Andi:  That's right.  And that's the most important thing.  That you will be here.  Tomorrow.  At 6:30am.
And I slammed my locker door shut and headed to the exit...See you tomorrow Tom!  Hope you feel better!

Do you think I meant that for purely selfish reasons?


Paula said...

You are so compassionate...NOT. Love you anyway!

Emily Sue said...

This post made me laugh... possibly because I am equally compassionate. :)

I did, however, recoil in horror when you recommended 30mg Sudafed every four hours. You know how they say "pseudoephedrine MAY cause sleeplessness in some people"? In my case, one Sudafed is enough to keep me awake for about three days.

Marilyn said...

Well of course it was for pure selfish reasons. Darn nurses.....No sympathy from them.

Dawn said...

So. How is Tom?

Crazy Sister said...

He'll keep his mouth shut next time he's sick!