We have a hectic day tomorrow. Since we knew our day was going to be nigh impossible tomorrow we decided to do a few cases late in the day today so we wouldn't be even crazier tomorrow.
Good planning, no?
Tom is the 6:30 am nurse. We were at our lockers changing into our "going home" shoes. Tom was digging through his disaster of a locker, because Tom is a nonrecovering hoarder. I'm grabbing my purse, emptying my pockets, and shoving a piece of Dove Special Dark Chocolate in my mouth. The following conversation went down.
Oh, by the way, our lockers are in a shared area with a men's and women's restroom on either side. Just thought you might need clarification on why I'm in a locker room with a male coworker. You should also know that Tom is infallibly polite. Our elderly patients love him because he begins every statement with "Pardon me," or "excuse me for a minute." Seriously. If you are talking to him, nearly every statement he begins starts with those two phrases. As you will see, I suffer from no such compunctions.
Tom: Well, Andi as of right now, I will be in tomorrow, but my ear is bothering me, and it's infected. I'm going to go home and take some medicine...(dang nurses and their self diagnosing, I don't need no stinkin' doctor attitudes)
Andi: Tom. How do you know your ear is infected?
Tom: Well, it hurts, and I feel pressure when I put my finger...
Sadly, I didn't let him finish his sentence as I know that a symptom of an ear infection is pain with manipulation of the ear.
Andi: You need to go home and take 1200mg Mucinex and some pseudoephedrine, and drink plenty of water. It's probably just congestion. You don't have an infection. (Translation: he is on call, and he better not be sick or I will have to pick it up for him.)
Tom: Well, I...(he begins to gesture towards his nose.)
Andi: Tom. Don't do your nasal rinse when you have fluid on your ears. That's bad. Take the Mucinex and Sudafed. You will be fine.
Tom: Well....Pardon me. I was going to say Afrin.
Andi: Oh. Okay. You can take Afrin. But you better take the other too. Mucinex. 1200 mg BID (twice a day to civilians). Sudafed. 30mg every four hours. You will go like this, (and I jerked my body around in a convulsive manner and made my eyes all googly) but you will be at work.
At this point my supervisor chimed in.
Julie: You will be at work on time, or possibly 3:30 am, because you won't be able to sleep taking all of the medicine Andi said to take. But she won't care, because you'll be here and yelling: Hurry up! Let's go! Get these people on the table!
Andi: That's right. And that's the most important thing. That you will be here. Tomorrow. At 6:30am.
And I slammed my locker door shut and headed to the exit...See you tomorrow Tom! Hope you feel better!
Do you think I meant that for purely selfish reasons?