A Letter to Olay

Dear Olay,

I love you. I love the smell of you. Did you know that is what initially led to my love affair with you? It's true. A few years ago when I started to notice that the Grand Canyon started to develop on my forehead as the result of a hideous sunburn I received in my mid 20s, I decided I could do with some firming cream...

I remembered that Grandma Irene used you. I remembered watching her spread your pink creaminess on her soft face, and I loved to kiss her cheek just after using you... I loved the smell of that cheek, and I loved my grandma, and I determined that when I got old I was going to use you so I could be a wonderful grandma, and beautiful, and then I would smell beautiful too...

Only I discovered "old" was relative...Plus, I had decided to emulate Grandma Irene not only on her choice of beauty products, but on her determination to never have gray hair until the age of 80...I was determined to fight every sign of aging within my power...From wiry curly gray hairs that are determined to stick straight up off of my head, to craters developing in my forehead...

I decided to try you, back in the day when you were still "Oil of Olay." Only now, you have decided that having "Oil" in your name hinted at sliminess and blackheadiness, and all sorts of unsightliness, so you changed your name...

But I have remained faithful to you, my beloved. I have purchased you with diligence and regularity...

Only now, as I age even more, I'm beginning to depend even more heavily on you, my beloved soft smelling pink creamy friend...I have expanded from using you sparingly on my forehead and eye area, to covering my entire face...And now my neck. Should I have lavished you there sooner? Would that have stopped the wrinkles that appear like the folds of the Saggy Baggy Elephant if I turn my head?

And now I have even begun to generously apply you to my chest...When did that skin lose it's firm freckliness? It has instead become freckled and wrinkled...

Sigh...

So, last night as I lavishly spread you onto my cratered forehead, my crows feet eyes, and my Saggy Baggy Elephant neck, then down to my freckly, wrinkly chest, I began to ponder...

What other areas do I need to expand your use too? What about that crazy fold of skin on my elbow? The unfortunate dimple-age on my upper thighs? Will you firm up the loose skin on my abdomen that has stretched to carry two babies? Will you halt the progression of "game show contestant flap" on my upper arms? Your lovely little jar proclaims you to be "night firming cream." Will you firm up other areas of my body as well as my face? Should I perhaps forsake the Jergens Ultra Healing lotion that I currently use as it is the only lotion that does not cause hives to appear all over my body, and begin to fill my bathtub with you and soak in you every night for at least 45 minutes before turning in?

You see, you are definitely my beloved cream. I will remain faithful to you. I will never leave you nor forsake you, and may my skin deal with me ever so severely if I ever do...

I just need to know if I need to buy stock so that I can perhaps reap a profit from the giant vats I'm foreseeing in my future to control the aging process...

Greenhorns

Well, we got a new kid saddle for the kids to use on Sugar. She and Appy got lots of experience over Thanksgiving weekend. They were both rode for about 3 solid hours over Thanksgiving weekend. Believe me. Those two aren't used to that much activity...


Neither was my nephew. Of course, he is an adult sized 11 year old. In a kid saddle. He hasn't quite mastered moving with the horse. Consequently, he moved, well, err....I think the picture speaks for itself. At this point of the ride, he was getting, ummm, well...

Hmmm....How do I say this?

Sore? Yeah. Let's go with that. He was getting sore. So, he was trying new positions to relieve some....Shall we say "pressure?"


Now, these two goof balls got their fair share of riding too. Of course, neither one of them are capable of inactivity for more than 8 seconds, so they spent their "down time" on the hay bales.


After we were finished catering to the kids, Dad & I went for a little ride. Did I mention it was Thanksgiving? That means deer season. I'm pretty sure we were taking our lives in our hands by riding at this time of year. And, we didn't even have on blaze orange so we could be easily spotted. Do you see the deer in the distance in this photo? We scared them up while riding. You can barely see them because my camera was zipped in my pocket, and by the time I dug it out, they were nearly gone... My dad said there are more deer than rabbits now. Sure enough, we saw 4 deer and only 1 rabbit in all of that time riding. Weird. Maybe it's due to the mountain lions. Or coyotes. I don't know, but it sure is weird to not see rabbits. However, we did see one armadillo. That reminded me of my grandma, Shootsmanyarmadillos. Go read about her here.

After all their hard work, it was time for the horses to get a treat for reward. My dad tried to stay out of the picture, but I'm quick. See the horse in the front? That's Appy. Believe it or not, he used to be nearly as dark as Sugar. With lots of speckles, of course.

Anyway, as you can see we had a great day. Sugar is fulfilling her purpose in helping the next generation learn to ride a horse on a trusty mount.....

Hey, funny story here. Dad asked me early in the day if I was brave enough to try riding Sugar double later on. "Sure. Why?"

"Well, I just want to see how she does with two riders." This statement mystified me, and I failed to ask for more details.

Fast forward to my cousin Beth showing up with her kids. Her son Sawyer was afraid to ride alone. My niece Sarah was on Appy, and I tried to assure him that Sugar would just go where Appy went, but he was not sure. His brother Seth, who I think is a Senior, volunteered to ride with him. Initially Seth was going to sit up front, but obviously he couldn't fit the kid saddle, and I didn't want to change gear. I completely forgot my earlier conversation with Dad and though Seth tried to balk, I bullied him into riding behind his brother.

Fast forward to about 4pm. Dad said, "So, are you game for trying to ride Sugar double?"

"Yeah. Why do you want to see how she does with 2 adults?"

"It's not two adults. I want to see how she reacts to the weight and legs dangling down her back. Remember when we bought her they said she pitched with saddle bags."

*Crickets chirping*

"OOOOoooh....Well, I'm not really worried about that any more." I said, laughing.

"How come?" I explained that I hadn't paid close enough attention to what he was trying to say earlier that day, and she did just fine with Seth and Sawyer. Sawyer knew absolutely nothing about riding, and Seth has maybe ridden 3 or 4 times before that day.

Dad just laughed and decided he wasn't going to worry about that any more.

That's what I'm here for Dad. Got a worry? I'll blithely blaze through life, never even considering what might happen. I had a friend in South Texas who told her parents that any time she was afraid to let her kids try something, all she had to do was send them to my house, and I'd have them do it without even thinking about it...

Outspoken

This morning one of the techs in our hospital's CT department asked me if my entire family is as outspoken as me. Because she would think, "they would have to be." I'm not sure how to take that. Does that mean I would walk all over everyone around me if they aren't outspoken? Or perhaps a person as outspoken (read here, bossy) as I am, must have been raised around people with similar personalities.

You know I have stories for you, right? Well, the first story just happened yesterday. My boss is a lovely lady. I just love her. She is always smiling, she has a zany personality, and SHE'S ASSERTIVE!!! If she sees something wrong with her world, she will bulldoze over whatever/whoever is making her world out of kilter. I love that about her.

She is also very careful with her appearance. She is always manicured, with hair just so (she typically straightens her curls, but her hairdresser has forbidden her to until after Christmas), uniform starched, full makeup, the whole shebang...Unlike yours truly who shows up with a hint of eye shadow, if any, mascara and chapstick. And starching? Helloooo! I say pull those suckers out of the dryer and hang immediately, baby. My hair is always curly with the exception of the days after I get it cut & colored, when the hairdresser straightens it. I just can't be bothered with those details...

So, I got to work yesterday, and I immediately noticed a difference in her appearance. Her lips were about three times the size they were last time I saw her. Which was 2 days ago. You know I had to ask. "So, Carol, what did you have done? Did you get botox in your lips?" She looked at me, laughed, and said, "NO!!! I decided to get them tattooed yesterday so I wouldn't have to wear so much lipstick. I just about died when I saw them after she was done. I had no idea they would be this swollen or this dark." They were indeed swollen, and she had about an inch of lipstick on them, so I was unable to ascertain the color. She said that it would take 3 days for the swelling to go down and the deep bruised burgundy color to become the intended color, and the skin to slough off. Today her lips were back to their normal size, but now they look severely chapped. I asked her how she was feeling today. She said, "much better." Another nurse was with us when we were talking about her horror with the swelling and color. She said, "I really expected everyone to ask me about it and give me a hard time. But as it turns out, Andi was the only one who had the gumption to ask me about it!" We all started laughing, and then she said, "but I totally would have been asking anyone who came in with lips swollen like mine." That made me feel not so bad about my nosiness. But, seriously, how does one pretend to not notice lips 3 times their normal size?

My next story is from about a year and a half ago. We were camping with my mom's family over Memorial Day weekend. I posted pictures of our adventures doing that last spring here. Anyway, the year before that, one of my family members brought a "fiancee" with him (they never got married). She was a cute little thing. She was blond, petite, and just cute as a button. Unfortunately she was also drunk as a skunk. I wasn't there when they arrived, but apparently when they arrived that morning, she was already drinking, and had not stopped all day long. It was hot outside and the kids had water fights. My Aunt Barbara always brings lots of water guns for the kids to play with, and she always joins in the shenanigans. Well, the date/fiancee/drunk girl joined in the water fight also. However, when it was over, she wished she had dry clothes. She asked me if I had a dry shirt she could borrow. Being the giver that I am, I loaned her one of Studmuffin's oldest t-shirts he had packed to go fishing.

As the day wore on, the family member that brought her wanted to run into town and do some errands. She was feeling, well, nothing much at all by that time, and she had decided she wanted to stay at the campgrounds with the family, and get to know all of us better. Her escort tried to encourage her to leave with him, but the date/fiancee/drunk girl refused to be budged. She said, "I don't want to go with you.", then she turned to my Aunt Barbara and said, "You'll let me stay, won't you?"

Okay, before I tell you my aunt's response, I need to tell you who else was there at that precise moment in time. The cast of characters were: My Aunt Patty, Aunt Christina, Aunt Barbara, Grandmama Dolly, my mom, me, and of course, date/fiancee/drunk girl. My Aunt Barbara, looked that girl dead in the eye and said, "I don't know. You have to ask Andrea." WHAT!!!! Ask Andrea? There were 5 women older than me, and she had to ask ME if she could stay. Well, as you can imagine date/fiancee/drunk girl turned to me to see what my response was going to be. I put on my nurse face, used my best nurse voice and said "I think you need to go. You now, my husband will be needing his shirt back. If you go into town, you can change into dry clothes and bring back his shirt later on."

Oh, Gentle Reader, if looks could kill, I would not be posting this today. She was some kind of angry with me. But, I thought I handled it pretty tactfully. I didn't even mention, "You are disgustingly drunk and obnoxious, and I think you need to go home and sober up before you show your face here again." I held back, and was gentle with her. In a no-nonsense bossy nurse sort of way.

My question to you is why the heck the 5 other women were incapable of sending her on her way? She did end up leaving (after shooting several dirty looks my way over her shoulder on the way to the car.) And of course she came back, no longer angry, and suddenly my very best friend. So, what was so scary about that?

All of that to say, I guess the girl in CT is right: I AM outspoken. However, I don't know that I can say the rest of my family is as outspoken as me. My Grandma Irene is pretty darn outspoken. The first time I brought Studmuffin to a family function she was heard (by Studmuffin) saying, "Oh, I'm not worried about that boy. She's going to college in the fall, and we'll probably never see him again." Guess she was wrong there! It took Studmuffin a long time to let go of that statement. My mom is bossy. But to be honest, she's probably not as outspoken about things as me. I think I always had the tendency towards "sharing my opinion," but after being an RN for 10 years, and routinely confronting people with things they don't want to hear, or teaching them about how to better take care of themselves, I've become pretty willing to talk to anyone about just about anything.

Whether they want to or not.

Chocolate Malts

The cure-all from my grandma was a chocolate malt. I was reminded of this last Friday. I was leaving work, and a man had Braum's in the break room. He was eating a cheeseburger, crinkle cut fries and had a chocolate malt with strawberries and bananas in it. I started obsessing about a chocolate malt on the spot. So, after I got the girlie-ohs from school we went to Braum's where I indulged my fantasy. It was divine.

My mom worked at the school when I was growing up. She drove the bus and worked as a teacher's aide during the school day. The principal she worked for would not let her have sick days. I remember one time I threw up in the hall, and Mr. Mills, the assistant principal took me home because my grandma was unable to come get me. The principal himself took me home one time because there was no way to get me home. That was a trip I shudder to remember! I can assure you, I was really sick if I had to ride home with them. I think I would have suffered through if it was at all possible.

However, the best times were when I was sick, and maybe not as sick as I could have been....My grandma would drive the 26 miles to town and get me. She usually had to make a stop before we could go home....at the drug store. The drug store complete with a soda shop. It was just like the ones you picture in old movies..they had all sorts of wonderful things you never knew you needed. They had toys, makeup, jewelry, cards, home decorations, medication (of course), and best of all A SODA FOUNTAIN! Grandma always got us each a chocolate malt. Yum...I thought I satisfied the craving, but thinking about those chocolate malts shared with my grandma make me crave one all over again....

Of course thinking of my grandma also makes me crave canned tomato soup, Totino's frozen pizzas, and chocolate cupcakes. The cupcakes were actually from scratch, and she was known to make these for supper. She also makes egg noodles that are to die for. And broccoli cheese and rice casserole. And deviled eggs. Pea salad (okay this may not sound good, but if you saw the quantity of cheese in it you'd understand). Oatmeal cookies. A never ending supply of snack size Snickers. Werthers. Brach's butterscotch candies...Oh, I could go on and on...But I think I just gained 5 pounds thinking about it! Sadly, not one healthy food reminds me of my grandma.

Go to your local Braum's and get a chocolate malt today! You'll thank me for it. I PROMISE!!

Post Note: I'm sorry for any of you who do not have a Braum's where you can partake of their fabulous ice cream and dairy story. I feel your pain. I lived apart from Braum's for nearly 4 years. It was a sad, dark period...but we are now happily reunited. Thank goodness.

Rainy Morning

Don't you love rain? I mean, of course, when you don't have to be out in it. Rain is wonderful.

Let's set up the scene, shall we? Lets.

The kids are off to school after being home for 4 days due to last week's illness. (picture me doing cartwheels of joy to get my day going.)
The dog is curled up on her bed by the fireplace. (Thanks to my sister Dawn (click to learn more) for buying my doggie a bed-what a great aunt!)
I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop on my newly refinished coffee table, and I'm reading blogs.
Okay, here's a side trip, (my blogs would not be complete without at least one, or maybe a dozen) but I got this great old children's school desk from Studmuffin's aunt. I sanded it lightly (this means not to Studmuffin's standards, but I wanted a rough look) and put a light cherry stain on it. It has scratches galore, and crayon marks inside the cubbies (which I didn't bother to sand or anything, just wiped out the cobwebs) and it has the teacher's name written in black marker on the bottom. Thank you Mrs. Martinson from Rm 5-whoever you are, and wherever you were from. I love my new coffee table. Studmuffin continues to point out that it's actually 4 inches too high for a coffee table height. He is such a rule follower! Don't get me wrong...I like rules! Rules are IMPORTANT! Unless, of course, I don't like the rules, and then the rules are just SILLY! The coffee table height rule, in this case, is silly.

Okay, where were we?....Oh yes, setting the scene...

I am drinking Earl Grey tea from my lime green Fiesta Ware tea cup on a salmon Fiesta saucer. I love Fiesta. I have 16 complete place settings, and 2 more incomplete. I also have 8 place settings of Desert Rose stoneware that The Original Prairie Woman, aka my Grandma Irene gave each of her grandaughters a few years ago-thank you Grandma Irene! Hey, would anyone like to have dinner at my place? I've got the dishes if you've got the food!

Back to the scene (again): There is a beautiful candle burning, vanilla hazelnut-yum.

I have absolutely nothing to do, but sit here, type on my blog, and get sucked into other bloggers worlds. *sigh* This is the life.

I think I'll turn on some classical music and complete the scene...excuse me please, I'll be right back....










Oh!

Oh no!

Huge mistake!

Huge!

Giant!

Gargantuous!

Cataclysmic!

The Agony!

The Pain!



I should never have lifted my face from the computer screen. When I went to put in the CD I made the mistake of letting my eyes wander... Don't ever do this Reader if you prefer to live in fantasy land, as I do. I was sadly reminded of all the things I must do today. There is a mountain of laundry to be done (why must my kids go through 2 outfits minimum a day, and manage to get food on both outfits, therefore doubling that days laundry?) The dishwasher needs emptied, then reloaded with breakfast dishes. I hate dishes, they never go away.

We're out of food...

No, seriously, we're out of food. My kids had to eat cereal for breakfast. They like a hot breakfast, that must include peanut butter and some form of syrup. I am out of both. They were not happy with me.

The floors need swept, and mopped for that matter, but I REFUSE to do that on a rainy day...it'll just get messed up again at 3o'clock!

I need to plan my menu for the next 2 weeks before I go to the store so I don't have to return. Of course, the every 2 week shopping trip is the reason we run completely out of food. I only buy what I need for the 2 weeks. It works great economically, not so great for sudden munchy or craving attacks...I have lots of those, and so does Studmuffin. Why do men get up and eat at 2o'clock in the morning? This is a mystery to me. How can he go back to sleep after eating a bowl of ice cream? Or a bowl of cereal? Or a can of pineapple? Of course, he hasn't done any of those for several days, because, as I said, we're out of food, and snack food is the first to disappear.

I need to go to the bank. I need to work on our budget. Did you know budget is an acronym for depressing? Look it up, it's there, I promise...Okay, so it's not there, but darn it, it should be!


Well, now that my fantasy bubble is completely popped, I must get to work Dear Reader...

In just a few minutes...I think I need to check out Pioneer Woman, or maybe the Country Doctor's Wife, or maybe I should see what's happening in the REAL world. Of course, the blogger world is way more fun.... Maybe I'll .....


Hmmmmm....................

Ummmmmm.........................

Let's see..........

Oh. Forget. It. The moment is ruined! Ruined I tell you! I must return to the real world! Wish me luck, and don't worry, I'll be back to my fantasy world as soon as my real world lets me! just as soon as I peak into a few blogs, just a few, I promise...


Ephesians 6:7
Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.

Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.