Sunday, October 26, 2008

Lies We Tell Our Children

Am I the only one who lies to their kids? I don't mean the usual... Santa, Easter Bunny etc. I mean just outright lies. I gotta be honest here. My husband and I get a huge kick out of telling our kids lies. We like to pretty it up and call it "teasing" them, or telling them "stories" but really, they're all lies. I know you're dying to know what these atrocities we're telling our children actually are... Aren't you? Well, if not, please humor me, and read on. I need to share my thoughts, and my husband is tired of listening to my rambling....

Speaking of my husband and rambling, the most recent lie we told the girls was just last night. We were eating a lovely meal with my parents at my favorite restaurant...anything Mexican. Hubby mentioned his period of silence he had in the past. Honestly, I don't know what brought this up, but he told the girls he once went 3 years without talking. They both wondered why. To prove his love to me, their wonderful mother, he took a vow of silence that lasted 3 years.... Sigh... How romantic.

Of course he ruined the romance of the moment, and knocked the starts out of their little eyes when he told them that it actually took him that long to get a word in edgewise with me. Not to be outdone (I've never even pretended to be silent, not even when my dad used to tell me little girls were to be seen and not heard) I told them that it actually took me 3 years to realize that I was the only one talking. You see gentle reader, I have many important things to say, and a limited time on this planet to share all of the VERY important information I need to give to the world. You see the burden I suffer, and understand my plight, I'm sure.

We continued to enjoy our little deception to the little ones clear through the evening, and we were still chuckling about it in Sunday School this morning. Our teacher's wife, Denise, told me this would come back to haunt us. We laughed, and said "Oh that's nothing. You should hear about the first hockey game EVER!" That particular story will go down for all time into the archives of world's greatest tales ever told to 2 little girls by their parents off the cuff.

What could be this story? What?! You didn't even know we were hockey fans? Well, dear reader we are not hockey fans, although we've been known to go to a game when free tickets are offered. (We would like some any time you feel the need to pay your blessing of season hockey tickets forward... thank you.) But, back to the story...

It all began with an overcooked buttermilk biscuit long ago in a strange and mysterious place called Canada...

A certain gold miner (his name has been lost through the years) was breaking his morning fast (you see, it was so long ago, they still broke fast instead of eating breakfast.) This particular fellow, we'll call him, Paul (that seems very strong and lumberjack-ish, and I'm sure that implies great strength and willingness to brave the wilds of Canada) was eating a biscuit. Unfortunately, this morning it was particularly cold, and his already hard biscuit was frozen solid. In disgust, he flung the biscuit away from him where it skidded across a frozen lake, and landed at the feet of a bear.

The bear, never one to pass up a free meal himself, picked up the biscuit and tried to bite it. "This biscuit is too hard," he said in disgust. He threw that biscuit down and it skidded across that same lake again, and that was the first hockey game.

Now, here's the best part of the story....

Daughter #1: Who won?

Well, I must tell you we were taken aback by this question. Who did win? The bear, of course... Everyone knows the Bruins are great hockey players!

Daughter #2: I didn't know bears could talk.

Daddy: Well, sweetie, that's because bears can't talk anymore. They've eaten so much garbage that over the years their ability to speak has become impaired from the amount of cholesterol that they've consumed from human waste.

Well, believe it or not, this was all the information our little ones needed. They continued on with their meal as if conversations about talking bears occurred every day in our house. Oh, I'm laughing just thinking about it.

Sadly, Denise had an impact on my hubby. He told the girls today at lunch that we were only teasing them about the vow of silence... He even told them the first hockey game was a joke! It made me sad... There's just no mystery in this world anymore. I mean, if you can't lie to your kids about talking bears and vows of silence, what the heck is left? Honesty, truth, and edifying tales that help build their little characters into the individuals we want them to someday be? Yes, this sounds good in theory, but I ask you... Where's the fun in that?

Have a great day, and make sure there's some laughter in it!

A Cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Prov 17:22

Okay, and just for some balance...

The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools. Prov 15:7

5 comments:

Dawn said...

I knew that this blog would be a good thing--maybe Brent can talk now. HAHA! Love ya!

Andrea said...

I love your blog! And no, you aren't the only one who lies to your kids. I do it all the time! It's very entertaining! Slightly evil maybe, but very entertaining!

Sarah Castor said...

OH MY GOSH! WHY DIDN'T YOU BLOG BEFORE! I love reading your ramblings! They are magnificent! I can't wait to lie to my children! As I was reading along, I thought the 3rd paragraph was great, but NO! As I continued the Hockey Story out-ruled the rest! I am sad as well that Brent knelt to guilt and told them the admitted to "trickery." Jones women are fantastic!

Anonymous said...

Ohmygosh!!! Where did I fail? And look what kind of example you are being to your readers. Regardless, I love to read all about it. One more chore for me to do everyday on my lovely dial up system. M

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

Those stories are hilarious, of course the bear won and I'm totally bummed you fessed up!