Thursday, October 29, 2009

To My Darling Husband,

I know you are fretting about what to do with yourself while I'm at Women of Faith this weekend. As your loving wife, who hates to see you in any distress, I realize it is my duty to help you. Out of concern and love for you I have compiled a brief list of things to occupy the eternal hours between Friday morning and Saturday evening. I'm just a giver that way.

1. Fix the toilet in our bathroom. In addition to the problem you are already aware of (it's not bolted down) there is a slow trickle of water running continuously. I know you are oblivious to this, as it can only be seen if your face is practically in the toilet, as when scrubbing it.

2. This second task will be a surprise, because with all that you have on your plate at work and weekends being burdened with providing sustenance for your family (I know the sacrifice of fishing and hunting and how you despair of leaving your family, but I do appreciate the the food you bring to the table) I have refrained from pointing out the leak in our bathroom window. There is always a tiny puddle on the lip of the frame of the window. If you could discover the leak and caulk it, or however you repair it with your manly knowledge of such things, I would be grateful.

3. Build the doghouse. You have the plans. You have the wood. I am in complete confidence that you can complete this project in a mere hour or twelve.

4. Winterize the pool. Yes, I realize Popcorn has visions of a Polar Bear swimming party on December 30th, and as much as I hate to not indulge her every whim, I feel the wavers we would have to obtain in throwing such a party may be a tad burdensome.

5. Find out if the headlight on the Saturn is covered under our warranty. I have looked for the so-called warranty papers you claim we have, but as you are in charge of all filing with your superior organizing abilities I have been unable to find the aforementioned papers. Please deal with this at your earliest convience as I despair of driving the dumb car with one headlight any longer. I fear driving the Dakota anywhere because the tags are out of date. I realize you are very busy at work and fulfilling your many, many hunter/gatherer duties, but I would also greatly appreciate you reminding me to go to the tag office to get new tags so I don't have to worry about getting a ticket every time I drive it for out of date tags, or for driving a car with only one headlight. You see, I understand your need to provide for me in every way. So, I'm patiently waiting for you to remind me to go to the tag office for the Dakota, and to find the mysterious warranty papers so we can fix the headlamp on the Saturn. Thank you. I love you, and I love that you are so prepared to deal with every detail so that I don't have to worry my pretty little head.

Well, I know that you could achieve so much more, if I only requested it. However, I want you to spend some special time with the girls this weekend too. Please feel free to use the remaining time to enjoy the time with them.

You can paint the house, stain the deck, and extend the roof out over our front walkway(I know you share my dream of a giant covered porch out front) another weekend.

Your loving wife,