Saturday, January 9, 2010

Dear Prospective Employer

Allow myself to introduce myself. My name is Andi. I am a nurse. I love my job. I know I was called to be a nurse, and I always give my very best when I am at work. I have been an RN for over 10 years. I have been in the nursing field for over 15 years. I have worked cardiovascular, surgery, med/surg, and even radiology departments. I love try new things, and I love learning new things about medicine. I am sure you are now intrigued to meet me, just based on my amount of experience in nursing. However, as so many of you are looking for full time employees that you can squeeze every other weekend and 2 major holidays per year out of, I feel compelled to offer you further incentive to hire me.

Now, maybe you are not aware of it, but I have been mistaken for Linda Carter. Now, clearly, I am not truly Wonder Woman, but having the very mirror image of her at your hospital is sure to boost patient morale!

Second, I am able to provide entertainment for both your patients and employees as I go about my day. I will happily sing for you throughout the day. Whether you want me to or not... But surely, you want me to. Just simply turn your radio station to the genre of music you prefer, and I will quickly learn the songs and join in, adding my own harmonies to each song. Of course, if I'm unable to remember the words, I am very skilled at creating my own lyrics off the cuff...

Here is a very lame example of my lyricism: Accompanied by the tune of Singin' in the Rain:

I'm drawing up the meds, into my syringe!
I'm strolling down the hall to give you a small pinch.
Now, please just relax, and don't even flinch,
Or it will really hurt, and maybe even burn,
But for now, I'm drawing up my meds...

Seriously, how often do you find a nurse like that?

Next, I am bossy. Surely you realize how integral this is to have in a nurse. I am willing to give your patients instruction on their medications, their diet, and their exercise. Heck, with very little prompting, I will probably be ready to discuss why they no longer feel the "Spirit moving them" after leaving a Pentecostal church to join LDS! Only after they initiate the conversation, of course!

But, wait! My bossiness doesn't only include my patients...No, I'm perfectly willing to extend my bossiness to the physicians. Of course, after 10 years of nursing, I've learned the art of gently nudging. I will charm, I will nudge, and in desperate moments I will down right badger until the problem is addressed, or they can explain to me why it can't be done. In which case I will smile, be glad to learn something new, and say, "You can't blame me for trying!" After all, it never hurts to ask.

I will provide laughter. It will probably be mine. It will probably be loud. But, yes there will be laughter.

There will be prayer. Prayer when I start IV's. Prayer when the patient is having a procedure. Prayer when I start my day. Prayer breathed over the first sip of my coffee. Prayer as I call the doctor because something didn't go as planned. Prayer when I am at my wit's end, because really some patients take every last ounce of patience! Prayer, prayer, prayer. There will be prayer.

I will provide stories. Stories about my children, my family, what I saw on TV, my life growing up on a farm. You name it, I probably have a story for it. Even if it involves making myself sound like a total goofball who rips out her pants at church! If the story must be told, I. Will. Tell it.

And coffee. Coffee, hot black and strong will be brewed at the beginning of each shift, and again at 4pm, for the evening exhaustion that is bound to set in. And, of course that evening cup of coffee will be enjoyed with a single piece of dark chocolate. The simple sweet with the caffeine jolt will revolutionize the remainder of the shift.

So, in summary, you really, really need to hire me for a part time position. I will faithfully work 2 twelve hour shifts per week. I'm willing to pick up 2 Saturdays a month, and even a couple of minor holidays. Of course, I am really only willing to work one major, but in light of the obvious benefits you will receive by hiring me, surely you can find someone else, or even offer bonuses to cover the shifts I will be missing? Or perhaps find another part time nurse who wants one 12 hour shift per week, and will flip-flop holidays with me. Either way, I hope you understand the vast benefit you get in hiring the singing, laughing, praying, storytelling, cartwheeling, albeit bossy nurse, who can very occasionally be mistaken for Wonder Woman.

Thank you for your time.


Sarah Castor said...

I LOVE IT! SOUNDS GREAT! If only all resumes could really be accepted in this light of awesome-ness. Fixin to head to see you guys! Yay basketball!

Southern Gal said...

You and my mama. Wonder Woman look alikes. Awesome.

Is the singing decent? You can pick out harmonies? Seriously? I'm impressed.

You will make an awesome employee for someone.

The Lumberjack's Wife said...

I, too, enjoy singing. And praying. You can't get enough of that!

marymary said...

you just wait...the offers are gonna come flying in! if for nothing else, everyone loves a good story!

Marilyn said...

Yes this girl can sing and sing. She has a most wonderful voice and it is BEAUTiful. Now dear, have you attached this wonderful letter to your resume. It would really get people to thinking about what they are missing by not hiring yo.

Jaime Kubik said...

How do you NOT have a job yet?? Such benefits...such excitement...who wouldn't want you as an employee? Love this! If only we could TRULY apply for jobs in this form!