Tuesday, February 23, 2010

One Step closer to the Trophy Wife

Remember my desire to be a trophy wife? Remember that my husband is completely delusional and thinks that a trophy wife is someone who works and cooks and cleans and generally makes life more comfortable for her family? Remember that bit of insanity? Well, if you happened to forget, please go and read this post before proceeding....

Are ya done?

Good.

Well, then, without further ado, I inform with joy and singing in my heart that I am one step closer to being a trophy wife...

Now that I have a nanny!!!

Yep, I just heard the collective gasps and "Shut Ups" from all over the blogosphere (not that there is anything like an entire sphere of readers here, unless you count four as a sphere).

But I am serious!!

We now have a new "nanny." That's right, a new "nanny." The girls now ride the bus home from school where the "nanny" meets them. She gives them a snack. She then has them DO THEIR HOMEWORK. Last night she had them help her complete a poster for my work. It's doctor appreciation week, and somehow I, the noncrafter was volunteered to make a poster with the Superman logo. Only, instead of an S it had IR, and then said "Our doctors have x-ray vision...and cat scan, and ultrasound, and MRI....

Get it? I work in interventional radiology. We use radiology equipment to, well do interventions...biopsies, stents, angioplasties, whatever...Anyhoo, we thought our idea was pretty cute..

Returning to topic:

So, last night she had them eat a snack, do homework, and complete a project... and then, hold on to your panties people because this is H.U.G.E...

She had them practice piano.

I know.

Pretty stinkin' amazing...

I'm thinking of having her take over laundry and discipline! Before you know it, she'll be my very own Alice from the Brady Bunch...

If Alice were only 16....

That's right. My "nanny" is only 16. But, I'm so dad gum excited I'm skipping (not that it takes much to get me to skip, mind you, or cartwheel, which may or may not result in ripped pants...)

I had visions of sugar plums dancing in my head all day today at work...

This summer I can leave her with just a few chores a day to complete. I mean, she's going to be there anyway right? She might as well be busy. After all, my worst days at work are slow ones. I would rather run nonstop with barely a break for bathroom and food than be slow....

So, truly, I'm thinking of her. I'm just considerate that way!

Maybe I can get her roped into the whole planned menu agenda...

SHE COULD HAVE DINNER STARTED WHEN I GET HOME!!!!

*yes, that is the Hallelujah chorus you hear ringing in your ears.

Perhaps, just perhaps, if I play my cards right, she will weed my garden this summer! Nothing too serious, mind you. I'll try to keep the weeds under control on her days off so she won't have too much mess to deal with...Again, I have only her best interests at heart.

Do you think it's overstepping to give her my grocery list? I mean, you already know how complete, and easy to read my grocery list is. Remember this?

I mean, clearly, if the list is arranged in order of the store, complete with a c next to it for coupon, and the coupons also stacked in order they will be used, it's not at all a big deal to do my grocery shopping. I think it will be a great way to teach her some very important life skills. Since we use the cash system, she will quickly come to realize that you have to keep track of exactly what you've purchased, or you may overspend. She will learn about planning a menu, and understand how to make a list off of it...

Again, I'm pretty sure that by having her doing all of my grocery shopping I will, in fact, be saving her from financial struggles in her future...

I know. I know. My giving spirit is absolutely astounding.

I have shocked myself too, Gentle Reader. The sheer generosity and consideration of others I harbor in my heart is overwhelming...

Now. I'm off to work on the remaining Fruits of the Spirit, since I obviously have goodness and kindness down pat...

*Disclaimer: I may or may not have lingered at work today, resting in the knowledge that my kids would have homework done before I get there...

Shameful. I know.

Additional Disclaimer: I fear I harbor a smidgeon of resentment over the after school snack thing. I always love getting the girls home and giving them a snack while I eat a banana with peanut butter and have a cup of coffee. They sit at the bar while I stand on the other side and we chat about their day...I miss that terribly. working on that.

3 comments:

Paulette said...

Good for you! Glad to hear you are moving up the ladder. :)

Jaime Kubik said...

Hilarious post....I need a cook and a nanny...I didn't know they came in the 16 year old model! ha! Did you see that I gave you a Beautiful Blogger Award? Just making sure....

Dawn said...

You're gonna have to get over the snack thing!