Monday, November 14, 2011

And Then I Ran Into the Door

Saturday was a big day in humiliating moments...

Sooooo if we're judging a day's success in ratio to blog worthy moments, I think it was a rousing success!

To start with, Popcorn and I had to run to Walmart to pick up a birthday present.  She had two parties to go to, and we had to do an emergency gift change as we found out that one of the girls no longer plays Barbies, and Popcorn ALWAYS plays Barbies with her.... She was quite surprised to learn her friend had forsaken Barbies.

I must say I will be SO SAD when my kids no longer play toys...

Anyway, she was much speedier at picking out a new present than I had planned, so we had time to kill.  We wandered all over Walmart...

When it was time to meet the mom who was taking them for a movie/mall party, I got out of the car to go greet them...Because I think it's polite, and I'm a chatter...Christie gestured to my torso...

Oh, wait!  I must describe my uber cute outfit!  I had paired a hand me up shirt from my niece Sarah with black & white stripes and a wide black belt with a big shiny patent "leather" buckle that was sitting high on my waste!  Look at me and my fashionable self!!!  I knew Christie was impressed, because I've always had excellent powers of deduction.

So...Christie gestures to my torso and being the super cool chick that I am, I began to saunter to her...Because I was Luh-OOkin' GOOOODD!! 

Except Christie began to frantically shake her head no...And pointed more emphatically...and in all of my amazing reasoning skills, I deduced that something was perhaps amiss...

MY STUPID SHIRT WAS UNBUTTONED!!!

Good grief...

I laughed maniacally, buttoned up, and laughed some more...Because what else is there to do???

My only other thought was, "Please, God, I hope I didn't just walk all over Walmart with my shirt unbuttoned!"

So, I dropped off my beloved child and stopped to get gas...

And winds were at gale force, so even though I shook the handle before removing it from my tank, gas splattered all over me....

So.  I went home, showered and changed.

After feeding my family a highly nutritious lunch of bean and cheese burritos, I headed to Norman to do a little Christmas shopping and meet Popcorn at the mall to take her to a second party that was a slumber party at the Embassy Suites in town...

My back had started spontaneously hurting while we were in Walmart earlier, but I tried to convince myself that a good dose of Aspercreme rubbed in, a hot shower and two Aleve were going to fix what ailed me...

And my back continued to hurt...

It hurt to push the cart through Target.  Target is the store that I try to avoid as every time I go in, I spend a hundred bucks and wonder what happened...

I left with one measly purchase...

As I wandered in Target I realized that I had left the sleeping bag at home that Popcorn had told me at least TWELVE times to not forget!

Grrrr...

No problem.  Academy was up the road.  I ran in and found a sleeping bag for ten whole bucks...Which was probably cheaper than gas wasted to drive back home...I wandered all over Academy, trying to find gifts for a few people...And nothing appealed.  All I could think of was that my back hurt to stand still...I had to keep moving or just sit down...

So.  I left Academy and ran into a shoe store.  Because OBVIOUSLY everyone is getting shoes from me this Christmas!

And I left without purchasing or even TRYING on a solitary pair of shoes. Because every pair of shoes I buy for someone else must first be tried on...

I knew it was a dire situation when not one pair of shoes was even worthy of trying on. 

I spied a Dollar Tree...

Hooray!  The store where EVERYTHING is a dollar or less!  Surely I could find some great stocking stuffers in there!  Problem solved!  This day would not just be a day of agonizingly wandering through stores, staring at items, but not registering what I was seeing.  There was much joy and singing in my heart...

Only I didn't find any stocking stuffers!  However, as I was about to throw up my hands and leave in exasperation I found the most unthinkable thing of all!

I found food storage containers that WERE MADE IN AMERICA!

Shut! Up!  Yes they were!!

So, after joyously handing the lovely lady my money, I turned to stroll out of Dollar Tree, American made product firmly in my grasp, silently celebrating over my find on Veterans' Day weekend, no less!

And I walked smack into the door.

You see, I anticipated an automatic door, and I was so lost in my daydreams of jubilation/don't move to quickly or you will surely collapse in pain from your back that I failed to notice the door wasn't opening...

I mean, seriously people...Surely a store where everything is less than a dollar rates an automatic door!

*Sigh*

And as I limped my poor pitiful self to my car, I realized another fact...Not only had I exposed myself in public, forgotten a sleeping bag, limped through a basically unsuccessful shopping trip, and ran into a door...

I HAD WENT OFF AND LEFT THE PRESENT FOR THE OTHER PARTY HANGING ON THE BACK OF A CHAIR IN THE DINING ROOM!!!!!!

I did what any sane woman would do...

I called Studmuffin and told him the entire pitiful tale...

He immediately volunteered to bring Bookworm and her friend (who was staying the day with her so she wouldn't be lonely without a sister to play with.  I've learned that my kids get lonely quick without each other.) to town, meet me at the hotel to drop off the gift, then he would also generously treat me to dinner at the ever fabulous Chik fil A.

My hero!

3 comments:

KiteFlyer said...

I'm sure if you did walk all over Walmart with your shirt unbutton, it'll most likely end up on People of Walmart.

Nice find on the Made in America item. Bonus points for it being the day after Veteran's Day.

Dawn said...

At least you got Chick Fil A!

NaomiG said...

Just think. If all of that hadn't happened, you'd have never gotten Chick Fil A. So, really it was a blessing in disguise. Otherwise you would have had to do dishes.

I am forever walking into those stupid doors that are automatic open. They open SO slow! I walk fast. I stubbornly insist upon continuing to walk fast even though the doors all open slow, because I am a human, and they are a door. I rule. Or, I should anyway. Hasn't proven to be true yet.