Making Christmas Memories One Epic Fail at a Time

I love Christmas cookies. I love having the kids get crazy with frosting. I mix up the colors and hand the cookies over and walk away, or I will take over, criticize and offer all sorts of helpful advice.



This year as we were singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" at the top of our lungs Studmuffin was grilling some fish on the stove, and he volunteered, "I drove by the church, and wondered what was going on. Then I realized that one of the other schools must be having a Christmas program."

"OH MY GOSH!!! Popcorn, we forgot your Christmas program!"

And then I had a total meltdown, and she told me it was okay, and she wasn't mad. Then, we all sat down and tried to eat fish, but I moped.

My husband told me to get over it.

I decided that MAYBE we could make it, and perhaps 2nd grade sang before 3rd....

Gentle Reader, I snapped this photo right after we realized what we had done...Do you think she looks a tad sad?

I instantly turned into a crazy woman...Popcorn! Change into your dress! Where is your other shoe? Where is your gray tights? Everyone put on your shoes! Hustle! Hustle!

And, I proceeded to run around the house, screaming and clapping my hands, and telling my husband he doesn't need to lock up or get his wallet because we were in a hurry...

This is the result of my mad dig for tights and matching shoes...Which I didn't find. She went in black fringed knee boots...Because, clearly nothing says Christmas like suede fringed knee boots. Oh, and she informed me I had to clean the mess up...Since I made it and all.

And then, I realized I had no bra on, and I was barefoot....

Good grief! (Only I'm pretty sure that's not precisely what I said.)

I remedied that problem, then we all piled in the car and the garage door took no less than 25 minutes to open.

Then my husband refused to race through town.

I swear, he wouldn't drive over 50 mph, and we were clearly in a hurry! Truly, we have a four lane road through town. That 35mph speed limit is ridiculous on a normal day. In full panic mode, it is downright impossible! I clapped and twitched and patted her knee and apologized 50 jillion times and I rocked back and forth...And I wept...And I said, "Please, Jesus! Please Jesus!" over and over and over again.

It was pitiful and probably slightly annoying.

We arrived at the church. He dropped us off at the door and Popcorn and I dashed in!

Children are singing! Maybe we made it!

I step in and quietly ask the first person I see, "Has the 3rd grade sang?"

Oh, the sadness in my heart. They had went on stage at 6pm. We did not even think of the program until 6:40, and we were there by 6:59.

I was devastated. There was no more twitching. Or rocking. Just utter silence.

And Popcorn saying, "It's okay, Mom. It's just like an absence. I won't be in trouble. I know other kids missed it too."

And that made me feel even worse that my daughter is consoling me because I am an obvious total flake.

My ever helpful husband said, "Get over it. It's done. It's not like you left her in the car in the hundred degree heat and she died. We forgot one program. It's okay."

And I remained silent.

We pulled into the garage, and Popcorn unfastened her seatbelt. I turned around to tell her that I wanted her to sing her songs for me, and I would record them so I could at least have a private concert...

I looked back just as she hiked up her dress and started to pull up her tights...

That were down around her knees.

I can just picture it now...We dash into the church. She quietly slips into the side while her grade sings, her tights begin to slowly creep down. She is left with the dilemma of saggy baggy elephant feet, or pulling her tights up on stage. I'm pretty sure being 8 she would have just hiked them up.

Can you imagine? I had that child so frazzled and panicked she went to the car with her tights half up?





So we had a home concert. I am pretty sure it was more entertaining than anything the school would have shown.

And she made me laugh.

And now I feel better.

However, as I just prayed with her she talked about how excited she is to have 4 parties for her birthday...Cupcakes on Thursday for her birthday (I'm bringing cupcakes?), the class party Friday, her slumber party Friday night, and then we are celebrating Christmas with my family on her actual birthday on the 30th!

Four parties!

How exciting! (Or ridiculous, but you gotta admit she's pretty clever for throwing out the cupcake idea in the middle of a major mommy failure!)

P.S. I tried and tried to upload a video to this post. I finally gave up, and posted it separately, so please check out my next post to see Popcorn's rendition of "Jingle Bells!"

Sugar Cookies

I love Hobby Lobby. Almost as much as I love Target. I have to limit my patronage to both stores or I fear we would have lovely clothes, and lovely decorations, but a sorely empty bank account.

Anyhoo, I was wandering through the Christmas aisles, sifting through their boxes and bags to wrap homemade goodies in, when what to my wandering eyes should appear?

Lollipop Sticks!

They didn't belong where I found them, some careless shopper had decided against them, and carelessly tossed them into a pile of treat bags.

I had an epiphany! When I lived in Arlington, Texas I had a coworker who loved to order cookie bouquets for her husband. I considered them frivolous yet delicious and I especially thought they were super clever.

Guess what I did? I rolled my sugar cookie dough out a little thicker than usual, and inserted the lollipop stick!

And does anyone besides me wonder why my stone is balancing precariously off the edge of my counter?

I must interrupt this post for a brief word from Popcorn "Mommy, I can't believe you are making a big mess on your counter! You always tell me to 'be careful not to spill sugar all over the counter' every time I make cookies." I quickly replied, "Well, I prefer to roll out cookies this way." She shot right back at me, "Well, you can use that wax paper in the pantry, and you won't make such a mess." Good to know, darling. Good to know.

Return to subject:

It worked great! Disclaimer: We have not decorated these cookies yet. I didn't get home until after 6, and by the time I fixed dinner, we ate, and cleaned the kitchen, there was no time for cookie decorating. I will let you know how that works out tomorrow night!

Hey! What about that apron? I got that for ten bucks. I saw it at Kirkland's and I had to have.

Had to. I'm tellin' ya.

Please, try to control your jealousy over my mad picture taking skills. Not everyone can own a fancy schmancy point and shoot camera like me!

I can't wait to decorate them! Is this a fun idea, or what? Now, what you've all been waiting for...THE RECIPE!

Sugar Cookies

2 c butter
8 oz cream cheese
2 egg yolks
1 tsp vanilla
2 c sugar
5 c flour

Combine butter, cream cheese and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla until combined. Stir in flour.

Refrigerate dough overnight (or a few hours in the freezer if you're impatient like me)
Roll out and cut into shapes.
Bake at 350 for 12 minutes.

Confession: I got this recipe off of All Recipes.com, and then a friend posted it on facebook a few weeks ago, and reminded me of it so I feel that I can't really take credit for the recipe....

But I'm totally OWNING the lollipop idea!

Ginger Cookies

Sunday I realized it was December 12th. I also realized that my beloved daughter had signed me up to bring sugar cookies to her "Winter Holiday Party" aka a Christmas Party, before we had to be politically correct.

We also had "Family Night at Christmas" at our church, and I needed to bring either a salty or sweet snack.

Did you know I'm ridiculously proud and hard headed about silly things?

Like cookies.

I refuse to buy them.

So, Sunday after I had my requisite nap, I endeavored to make sugar cookies for a school party, and ginger cookies for the church party.

Please notice the coffee cup in the background. A strong cup of coffee is a must for baking cookies. I noticed that hazelnut coffee goes well with this particular dough...Don't pretend you don't snitch some dough as you go. How else are you to be sure you didn't accidentally leave something out? Sampling dough is imperative to good baking!

These cookies are truly delightful. I don't know why so few people make ginger cookies anymore.

They resemble a ginger snap, but they are softer and chewier, which I love.

This recipe calls for oil, so they don't work well for rolling and cutting out. However, last year I substituted the oil with equal parts softened butter, and they rolled out fine. They were more crisp, like one would expect a ginger snap to be.

As I was not going to bother with rolling and icing cookies that would be in a giant buffet of treats, and I would get no glory for (just being real here), I decided to stick with the original recipe. Because, truly, although I do love a good iced cookie, if nobody's going to ooh and aah over the hard work I've done, I'm not putting forth the effort.

Now, here's the recipe that has been missing from your cookbook, and you didn't even know it. Try it. You will fall in love, and your family will "rise up and call you blessed"....

Ginger Cookies:

2/3 cup oil
1 egg
1 c sugar
4 Tblsp molasses

2 c flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ginger

granulated sugar for dipping

Mix first four ingredients. Combine dry ingredients and add to sugar mixture. Roll into balls by hand, then roll in granulated sugar. Place on ungreased baking sheet, and bake at 350 for about 8-10 minutes, or until done.

Makes about 4 dozen cookies.

Hey! I will share a sugar cookie post with you tomorrow! Complete with decorating ideas! How exciting is that? Maybe I will pretend to be Pioneer Woman and do an entire week of cookies....

Minus the gazillion readers.

And great pictures.

And ridiculous wealth.

But, other than that, I'm pretty sure we are two peas in a pod.

Delirium

It has been an exciting week around here.

Monday I returned to work after 2 weeks off, between Thanksgiving and measles.

I worked a 10 hour day and came home to find supper started and my niece Sarah, who was staying with us for a few weeks, had ran and emptied the dishwasher! Little things make me happy.

Tuesday I worked another 10 hour day, and returned home to find supper made again.

Amen.

Wednesday was my day off, and I told you all about that roller coaster ride of emotions.

Thursday was a "work" day. However, my hospital has 2 days of employee appreciation every year. They rent a theater in the Harkins downtown, give us breakfast in the form of snack bars and nasty coffee that they fool us into thinking will be great by handing it out in Starbucks cups, and hand out tons of awards. They show a video telling us how awesome Saint Anthony is, (click to view one of our commercials about believing in the power of prayer) and have a motivational speaker that is very entertaining.

Then they give us a ten dollar gift certificate to eat anywhere downtown we want. And we get an hour and a half to eat. After working most shifts with only 10 minutes to scarf down something quick, I love this part. We walked along the river, and had a great Mexican food lunch.

In the afternoon they give out more awards, hand out soda and candy, and show a movie. This year we got to see "Morning Glory." I highly recommend it. I laughed, got teary, and left totally relaxed.

And, get this. I got paid for an 8 hour shift to do all of that!

AND IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Side note: It is a bit touchy for a slightly hyperactive person to be offered free coffee and sodas, and sit still in a movie theater for 6 hours. It was not very pretty at times.

Friday I went to work, and the staff who had been unable to attend Spirit Day on Thursday went. This left us with a whopping 2 nurses and 2 techs and our supervisor to do what we normally do with 4 to 5 additional staff.

Good times. Good times. I got to work at 6:45 am, and clocked out at 6:45 pm. The group that had covered for us the day before had finished up by 1pm. And they got lunch. I had a banana, two tablespoons of peanut butter, a package of crackers, and a half cup of black coffee to get me through the day. At about 5pm, I was delirious and hungry. I was standing at the desk filling out paperwork, and listening to my patient and his family chat. I got so tickled at something he said, that I collapsed against the counter, head in my arms laughing hysterically.

And I couldn't even say why, or what was funny. But tears were streaming down my face and I was absolutely rolling.

Don't you wish I was your nurse in that state?

I went and brewed a strong cup of coffee, and came to my senses enough to sedate my patient and not endanger any lives.

As I pulled out of the parking garage to come home, I called my hubby to tell him I was finally getting off of work. "What's for dinner?"

"I didn't know what you would want. I figured after such a long day you would be hungry and vicious, so I thought I'd see what you want."

Wow. He knows me well. However, he was skating on thin ice, since he had no idea or plans on what to feed the ravenous beast...

"At this point I'm so hungry, I would eat whatever you put in front of me. And, I'm punchy instead of cranky. However, I will definitely be ready for food when I walk in the door."

He had an egg sandwich ready for me when I walked in and collapsed onto a bar stool.

I finished my evening off with my new Christmas treat:

Eggnog with a dash of ground allspice and a very generous splash of spiced rum.

It is almost certain to make everything right with my world.

Oh, and just to share my good news, I got a Nook for my birthday. I'm loving it, and so is my husband. He is reading the first book he's read since we got married. He is reading "Dracula." This has always been his favorite book, and it seems he is inspired to read now, and I fear we may come to blows over who's turn it is to use the Nook.

Not really.

But we may definitely exchange some words.

Just bein' real here.

Now, I shall end this long, boring post. Thank you for bearing with me.

Come Ride the Roller Coaster!!!

My niece Molly had a friend give her three FREE tickets to tonight's Michael Buble concert.

HAPPINESS!!!

Molly could not find one single friend to go with her, as they all had to study for finals.

SADNESS....

She decided to invite her favorite sister, and the aunt her sister is currently staying with.

HAPPINESS!!!

Sarah realized she did not pack anything but sloppy college clothes. She had nothing to wear.

SADNESS...

We decided that shopping was definitely in order. AND we had a coupon for Old Navy, and we each had gift cards to Victoria's Secret so we could totally surprise our husbands with "gifts" for them as well.

HAPPINESS!!!

Molly called while we were in the changing room at Old Navy. You know I could not let Sarah try on clothes alone! That is no fun. Her friend who gave her the tickets backed out on the offer and decided to give them to a family member instead.

SADNESS...

Molly was so depressed she didn't even have the energy to get herself out of bed and get dressed up with no place to go...

MORE SADNESS...

I decided that we must get all dolled up and go out to eat. Just the three of us. Studmuffin will have to fend for himself and the girls.

HAPPINESS!!!

We found Sarah the cutest out fit Ev-UH and she is totally wearing it for our night on the town.

MORE HAPPINESS!!!

She got a sweater and Old Navy had a sale of buy one get one sweater free. I got a gorgeous royal blue argyle sweater. And, since we split the cost of the sweaters it only cost $12.50!

MORE HAPPINESS!!!

We came home with our purchases, stashed the few gifts we decided to grab in our dash to the mall, and I ran to pick up the girls from school....

I had a revelation.

Today is Wednesday.

Wednesday means choir practice. The Christmas program is December 18th...

I am trying to convince myself that I don't need to go as I literally dang near have the entire music memorized and we get to use it, but I realize that people who know their part are helpful to those who struggle.

I should probably go to practice.

SADNESS...

I picked the girls up. Bookworm informed me that the teacher made her take a test for the spelling bee, and she qualified. I love this teacher for doing this. Bookworm is crazy smart, and she has refused to do the spelling bee every year...

HAPPINESS!!!

And, now I will stop this emotional roller coaster and go fold some laundry.

SADNESS...

ADHD Gardening

I took this picture a few weeks after we moved here.

I am a really good starter.

I am a terrible finisher.

Unless of course I can finish it right away, and then I am a FANTABULOUS finisher!

I had a spurt of energy yesterday afternoon, and after being cooped up in the house for 4 days, I decided I needed to pull the dead marigolds and zinnias out of my flower beds. These are the two flowers I am most successful at growing.

Only I don't really "grow"them.

Here's how it works.

I move to a house. They inevitably have at least some marigolds and zinnias planted. I leave them be, and splash a little water on them when I think about it. When I notice a dead head, I pull it off and drop it near where the original is growing.

Soon, I have several plants close to one another. I decide to transplant them to a new location. Say, an unsightly flower bed placed next to our shop, surrounded by concrete, that I really don't understand the purpose of.

See the flowers to the left of the tent camper? That was the result of transplanting some stray zinnias.

Now that it's fall, the next step is in place. I pull up the dead plants. I tug off the dead blooms, then scatter them wherever I want to have flowers next year. Like under Popcorn's window. And around the fish pond. Under the trees. In random pots that are really hopeless, as I will never be successful in growing anything that requires frequent watering.

Or attention....

*SIGH*

Moving on!

Are you ready for the really genius part of all of this?

Hang on to your pants, folks because it's about to get crazy here....

I take leaves that are conveniently all over the yard. I gather the scattered leaves....and I PILE them on TOP of the dead flower heads. Then I kind of stomp around in them.

Not because it's necessary.

It's just fun!

My theory is that leaves should never be raked, bagged and *gasp* taken to landfills!

My thought is that the leaves hold the dead flower heads and scattered seeds in place, and help them to germinate and take root! Plus, those decomposing leaves make the soil happy.

Attention: Sorry for all of that extremely scientific jargon in this post. My mad gardening skills are legion. Legion, I tell ya!

Now, here's the next secret in my ADHD gardening arsenal: I leave the rest of my leaves in the yard!

I KNOW!!! Revolutionary stuff here!

Again, back to the sad state of leaves filling land fills...Plus, there is just nothing cheerier than the sound of leaves blowing and crinkling in the yard! So what if they blow up on your porch? Simply take your broom and sweep them back in the yard! It only takes a second, and when you've made your leaf strewn porch sparkling clean, you get the instant gratification of cleaning something quickly!

Kind of like running the vacuum.

Sadly, I had to stop my gardening after a brief spurt of energy. My lungs started to burn, and there is nothing sorrier than a nurse who has to visit the doctor because they failed to follow instructions...You do realize nurses make the absolute worst patients, right? I once had a surgeon tell me he'd rather have another surgeon laying in the bed than a nurse. I have to agree.

More ADHD Gardening Tips:

Kids forts made out of the limbs you trimmed from your trees are to stay put. Don't worry, your children will move them forty dozen times before spring is here, breaking them into smaller pieces as they reconstruct their masterpieces, and you can eventually throw them in your fire pit! Oh, and don't fret that YOU will be the one to gather these stray limbs, Gentle Reader. Never let it be said! Your precious offspring who have enjoyed them for an entire season will be responsible for cleaning up the mess they made in the yard BEFORE it is time to start running the mower, so you won't have to worry about flying bits of wood!

Nothing organic should ever land in your trash, thus ending up in your local landfill. Too impatient/disorganized to keep up with a compost pile? I just throw everything in my garden! It may not be as good as a smelly, steaming compost pile, but it's got to be doing some good when those rotted grapes finish their decomposition in the garden.

Got some meal scraps that you don't want to feed your pets? No problem! Simply scrape them out over the fence in your back yard! Some random hungry creature is sure to come gobble them up! When you hear your American dingo barking frantically in the back yard at night, rest easy knowing that it's probably just a coyote, badger, skunk, raccoon, or even possum enjoying the bounty that you provided for them!

And, feeding coyotes around here is always a good thing! It makes them less leery when Studmuffin wants to sit on the back porch and hunt them. I'm all about supporting my spouse's redneck ways here. Yep, that is me! Supportive wife!

Okay, I know I have legions more ADHD gardening tips to share with you. Unfortunately, my ADHD is kicking in, and I'm running out of ideas...So, I will end this post with one simple question.

What is your easy gardening tip that takes little or no time, yet yields beautiful results?

Hint: I truly am impatient and inattentive. Daily chores do not work well for me.

Just being real here.

Random Feeling Betterness.

Don't you love how it's okay to make up random words on blogs, and people are totally accepting? However, I do fear for my children's grammar and spelling as they grow in this age of texting, blogging, and tweeting.

Bookworm informed me "chillax" is being added to the dictionary.

Apparently "unfriend" is too.

Not sure how I feel about these newfangled changes.

I feel better today. I decided to brave a blog post as I was able to wish my nephew a happy birthday on facebook, and my eyeballs didn't feel they were going to explode.

I felt well enough to put out some of my Christmas decorations yesterday. As I was unpacking, then repacking stuff that was displaced, I had multiple genius blog ideas.

They have all left my brain. My sister suggested I write them down as I thought of them, so I wouldn't forget. However I failed to follow her suggestion, and my thoughts were like dust in the wind.

Am I the only one disturbed by the Charmin commercial with the little bear sitting on the toilet reading the business section, complete with toilet tissue sticking to his bum as he walks away? Really. TMI.

I did not lose one single solitary pound with this illness. How wrong is that? The reward of any illness should be pounds lost!

I am still contagious, so I will not be going Christmas shopping today. Or going to work this week to pay for any Christmas purchases.

My darling husband decided Tuesday that I would be unable to attend their company Christmas party on Saturday at the Petroleum Club in OKC. He told them we would be unable to attend due to my measles, and they should give our slot to someone else who would like to go. Not that I'm resentful, but I was totally looking forward to the excuse to buy a new outfit complete with shoes and to dine in a restaurant that does not have prices on the menu.

But again: I'm not bitter.

No sirree Bob. I'm pretty sure I'll have countless opportunities to eat at such places as this.

Or not.

Here's a fun measles fact for you: Measles is transmitted by air droplet, when the infected person speaks, sneezes, coughs etc. These air droplets can remain suspended for two hours after the person has left the room.

So, no. I have no idea where I contracted measles.

But I'm blaming work. Because it's convenient.

Well, my eyes are exhausted. I will sign off for now, and perhaps do some online shopping later.