Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'm totally ready to live in a castle now

Unfortunately, it wouldn't be as a princess. I have discovered the grueling work of hauling water. What does hauling water have to do with living in a castle, you ask? Well, you see, I was emptying the girls bath water last night, and I had this thought: Thank God I don't live in a castle! Those poor maids had to carry buckets of water up the narrow, stone staircases, then heat the water over a fire, then poor it into the massive tub that I'm sure the king felt he deserved...

Wretched king.

Who the heck does he think he is? Making those poor maids carry all of those bloody buckets of water up the steps. Then, they had to get all of that dirty, dingy water OUT of the tub...I pity those maids...Truly I do.

So, it was with these bizarre thoughts (which I have more often that I can admit) that I realized how similar my situation is to castle life...Or perhaps life on the frontier....But I like the castle fantasy more right now.

So, today I'm going to share all of my vast knowledge of castle life...Aren't you just too excited for words? I thought so.....Moving on...

How to wash dishes in your castle:

Place a large mixing bowl of water in both sides of your sink. Fill one with hot soapy water and the other with clean hot water. Wash your dishes as usual. Pick up the bowls of water. Dump them into your large 14 qt mop bucket. Carry the bucket out to your front yard and dump it.

How to wash your hands in your castle:

Place a medium sized mixing bowl in all of your bathroom sinks. Wash hands as usual. Keep your mop bucket handy. When the bowl is full you will simply empty the contents into your handy dandy mop bucket. When the bucket is full carry it to your front yard and dump it.

How to bathe your kids in the castle:

This one is easy on the surface. However, you may have realized by this point that carrying all of those blasted buckets of water can be tiresome. Consequently, you will suddenly begin to assist your children in all bathing. Turn the water on. Wet hair. Turn water off. Shampoo. Turn water on. Rinse hair. Turn water off. Condition.......You get the picture. This method is relatively effective in the sense that you will only carry approximately 10 mop buckets of water to your front lawn for emptying. Plus, by this point you are filling 2 buckets at a time to save time and trips. Amazingly, this helps to not only develop your strength, but it also develops balance. You will quickly learn to stand on one leg, raise the other and use your knee to push the lever on your storm door....Talk about multitasking!

How to brush your teeth in the castle:

Seriously, I doubt this needs further explaining.....

How to wash 10 loads of laundry in your castle:

Gather all of your laundry that you have been procrastinating doing since you are on water rations. Perhaps it's better to phrase it "waste rations." Go to your local bank and get $30 in quarters. Realize you left your soap and dryer sheets at home. Return home to get these supplies since you can't see dropping any more money on laundry. Spend 2 hours at the laundromat. This is actually pretty impressive considering you got 10 loads done! Plus, you will actually fold all of your clothes on the spot. And, as I've mentioned before, when you do laundry at the laundromat, laundry is all you will do. No housework nagging at your conscience when you really just want to sit and read a book.

I can totally feel the outpouring of pity from you, my Gentle Reader. I'm okay with that. I will take your pity. I'm pitying myself right now. You see, it has continued to rain every blessed day except Saturday. Our septic tank has not filled up yet (since we last dropped big bucks to have it emptied TWICE in 3 days), but last time we peaked it was 2/3 full, and I knew 400 gallons of water (40 gallons per load of laundry) would probably cap the darn thing off, and I'm guessing the laterals are still pretty saturated with rain water. So, for now, I'm hauling water out my front door, at the furthest point from my laterals to avoid another drop in the financial bucket.

But there's good good news! All of this work is sure to build up my arm muscles. I will continue to make this sacrifice as long as necessary, because as long as I'm conserving water waste

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I can flush the potty!!!!!

Every.

Single.

Time.

Yes, that is the hallelujah chorus you just heard in the back ground.

By the way, I just finished the book I bought for my laundry time. It was James Patterson's "Sundays at Tiffany's." It was a really fun read, and it's easy and fast. I totally recommend it.....

5 comments:

Sarah Castor said...

haha how funny! Well I'm glad you can flush your potty now!

Becky said...

If I could choose only one drain to use the potty would be it. You are a wise woman.

Dawn said...

You know all that water hauling never fit in my fantasy picture of castle life! I want a plumbed and electrified castle! I'm glad the potty works! and you did get all your laundry folded! And you can look back at the drought of 2008 and laugh..... And I want to read that book!

Dawn said...

OH and hauling buckets of water eliminates wings on your arms--something of which you are too young to know about of course!

Marilyn said...

You are sooo funny. I think that is why people who lived in a castle were so dirty.I don't think bathing regularly was an issue with them.Didn't Queen Victoria's maids tea stain their collars because hers were so dirty and they didn't want to shame her?Maybe it won't rain for a week or three!!!