When to Remain Silent

I haven't figured this out.

I'm actually quite terrible at it, as you can imagine...

Unless, of course I should be speaking up, and then I am entirely too silent.

Last week one of our doctors asked me about a former coworkers husband. He has pancreatic cancer and a very short time to live. Her first husband died of cancer as did her current husband's first wife. Naturally, they are both devastated. Someone mentioned that they were going on a trip, to which my doctor replied, "Well, of course! You have to grab life while you can before you're floating around in some ethereal space with no chance to touch the things that matter!"

What? I was stunned at his statement. I KNOW Dr. S knows I'm a Christian. There is no way he hasn't noticed me praying with patients as we begin procedures. At least, I hope he realizes I'm a Christian. Have I been too silent about my faith?

Then, he continued, "That's what gets me about Christians. They are scared of dying because they aren't sure where they'll go. Muslim KNOW where they're going, so they will blow themselves up to get there. But Christians don't really know where they are going."

"Well," I said, "Actually, Christians do know where they are going, and J and K know where he's going, but that doesn't mean they aren't scared of what will happen before he gets there!"

"That's what I mean, they are not SURE that's where he's going. Otherwise they wouldn't be afraid!"

"Well, if you told me I was going to die tomorrow, I would probably be scared. I'm a Christian, and I know where I will go, so the fear is not for myself. It's worry for my husband and my kids and my parents. I wouldn't want them to suffer because I'm gone."

And sadly, the conversation ended there. I was silent too soon. I kick myself that I did not say, "You know,everyone can know for certain they are going to heaven to spend eternity with Christ where there will be no sorrows, no pain, no suffering ever again. I can tell you how YOU can know that for yourself."

But, I didn't. We were actually in the middle of a CT guided liver biopsy and the CT scan was complete, so we went back into the room with the patient, and I did not pick the topic back up after the needle was placed in his liver and we were repeat scanning to ensure accurate placement for the biopsy...

I let the moment slip by.

I was silent too soon.