Today I read Taylor's post about the scariness of choking. It made me reminisce over my own experiences with choking.
And they aren't actually FOND memories, but they are now funny stories, and that's all that really matters right? Because, clearly sometimes the WORST experiences make the BEST stories.
And I'm all about the stories.
So, in my reminiscing, I read a few old posts regarding choking. They are a few years old, but I really wanted to share them with you again. I could just post links, but experience has taught me that readers don't always click on the links, no matter what the promise of laughter is dangled in front of them...
Well, at least I am too lazy to click on a link. Perhaps i shouldn't paint my children with the same brush as I myself, eh?
So, without further rambling, I will happily PASTE a previous post involving a humorously choking child.
And her hypothetical mom...
Let's pretend for a moment, shall we? Let's just say, that hypothetically
one child has a ring pop that she is eating. The other child wants to
taste it. Now, the latter child has a ring pop, but cannot eat it until
after her game. Child number one offers to let her sister taste it.
Hypothetically speaking, of course.
The mother of this
hypothetical pair pipes up, "No, you can't share your sucker, your
sister has a cold." The hypothetical mother in this hypothetical
situation then witnesses her hypothetical daughter, who is having a
surprising moment of a sharing spirit GIVE HER SISTER A LICK OF HER
SUCKER. Well, this hypothetical mother then said, "Okay, now you're
going to go throw that sucker away. I don't want you to get your
Hypothetical child of the ring pop disappears
around the corner....presumably to dispose of her sucker in the bathroom
Time is passing by...
Now, let's just say, hypothetically speaking, of course, that child of the ring pop comes bursting around the corner, face VERY red........................coughing..................... choking.................gagging.
Hypothetical Mom: Are you choking?
Child makes gagging and coughing sounds, but is moving air, so hypothetical mom, who could possibly be, hypothetically, a nurse, tells child to go to the bathroom, and follows her.
Just to add a little interest to this purely
hypothetical situation, let's pretend it's picture day for basketball,
and child with a cold's entire team and their parents have witnessed all
of the above exchange.....If this were not a purely....hypothetical situation, you can imagine the gasps and murmurs of concern....
Mom and child who is not choking on her sucker
(so she is vehemently denying at this point) quickly make their way to
the bathroom. Child who is not choking, continues to cry and make
Hypothetical mom: Did you go around the corner and chew your ring pop as fast as you could instead of THROWING IT IN THE TRASH?
Child shakes head emphatically no, but continues to cry and cough.
mom, now holding coughing child's face in her hands and looking as mean
as she, hypothetically, can.....IS THERE A PIECE OF SUCKER STUCK IN
YOUR THROAT THAT IS HURTING, THAT IS MAKING YOU COUGH, MAKING YOU GAG,
AND MAKING YOU CRY!?!
Child, no longer meeting Hypothetical Mom's eyes, slowly nods yes.
Mom (with, quite possibly, hypothetically speaking of course a look of
smug victory on her face): Well, that's what happens when you don't
mind your mommy. Drink some warm water, the candy will dissolve, and
stop hurting in a little bit......
And with that she leaves the bathroom, hypothetical crying child in tow.
let's say Hypothetical Mom and child round corner to find everyone
anxiously watching for them and asking after the well being of this
Hypothetical Mom in all her hypothetical
nurseyness replies, "She's fine, she just had to learn what happens when
you don't mind your mommy"....quiet laughter is heard in the hallway
from various other hypothetical parents.....
So, in the above
hypothetical situation, one might assume that the hypothetical child of
the ring pop would have learned to mind her hypothetical mom. Sadly,
one would be VERY wrong in making that assumption....
Hypothetical child of the ring pop had received a juice pouch from her hypothetical teammates after her hypothetical game....
Mom: Do not open your juice pouch. We don't want to spill juice on
the church floor. You can drink your water....
You can see where this is going, can't you? No one ever accused you of being slow Dear Reader....
about this time Hypothetical Dad is back with sandwiches to share with
his hypothetical family between 2 games and 2 sets of team pictures....
Hypothetical Dad: I thought I heard your mom telling you not to open it....Oh well, it's open now, hurry up and drink it....
pretend, just for a moment, now humor me here....that the hypothetical
mom's head spun around so fast it nearly broke the sound barrier, and
saw this hypothetically EXTREMELY DISOBEDIENT child sucking on a juice
pouch....Now, let's pretend that hypothetical mom RIPPED the above juice pouch out her hypothetical child's hand and carried it to the trash herself.....
You see, Dear Reader, the hypothetical mom can learn a hypothetical lesson....Never trust a hypothetically EXTREMELY DISOBEDIENT child to actually throw away her treats!
Hypothetically, of course.
is a hypothetical situation. Names, characters, places and incidents
either are the product of the hypothetical author's imagination or are
used hypothetically, and any resemblance to actual hypothetical persons,
living or dead is entirely coincidental. Hypothetically speaking, of
Now, wasn't that fun?
For more choking fun, how's about I post a few more jollies for you to enjoy? Of course, you will have to actually click on the links and FOLLOW them. That may require more fortitude (read here: time) than you have at the moment. If that is true, I will understand. Barely.
How to Perform the Heimlich Maneuver.
Rasslin' Attention: this post has NOTHING to do with choking, but it popped up in my "choking" search for my blog. And it made me laugh all over again. So, I'm linking it. Because it's my blog, and I can do that.