Dear Prospective Employer

Allow myself to introduce myself. My name is Andi. I am a nurse. I love my job. I know I was called to be a nurse, and I always give my very best when I am at work. I have been an RN for over 10 years. I have been in the nursing field for over 15 years. I have worked cardiovascular, surgery, med/surg, and even radiology departments. I love try new things, and I love learning new things about medicine. I am sure you are now intrigued to meet me, just based on my amount of experience in nursing. However, as so many of you are looking for full time employees that you can squeeze every other weekend and 2 major holidays per year out of, I feel compelled to offer you further incentive to hire me.

Now, maybe you are not aware of it, but I have been mistaken for Linda Carter. Now, clearly, I am not truly Wonder Woman, but having the very mirror image of her at your hospital is sure to boost patient morale!




Second, I am able to provide entertainment for both your patients and employees as I go about my day. I will happily sing for you throughout the day. Whether you want me to or not... But surely, you want me to. Just simply turn your radio station to the genre of music you prefer, and I will quickly learn the songs and join in, adding my own harmonies to each song. Of course, if I'm unable to remember the words, I am very skilled at creating my own lyrics off the cuff...

Here is a very lame example of my lyricism: Accompanied by the tune of Singin' in the Rain:

I'm drawing up the meds, into my syringe!
I'm strolling down the hall to give you a small pinch.
Now, please just relax, and don't even flinch,
Or it will really hurt, and maybe even burn,
But for now, I'm drawing up my meds...

Seriously, how often do you find a nurse like that?

Next, I am bossy. Surely you realize how integral this is to have in a nurse. I am willing to give your patients instruction on their medications, their diet, and their exercise. Heck, with very little prompting, I will probably be ready to discuss why they no longer feel the "Spirit moving them" after leaving a Pentecostal church to join LDS! Only after they initiate the conversation, of course!

But, wait! My bossiness doesn't only include my patients...No, I'm perfectly willing to extend my bossiness to the physicians. Of course, after 10 years of nursing, I've learned the art of gently nudging. I will charm, I will nudge, and in desperate moments I will down right badger until the problem is addressed, or they can explain to me why it can't be done. In which case I will smile, be glad to learn something new, and say, "You can't blame me for trying!" After all, it never hurts to ask.

I will provide laughter. It will probably be mine. It will probably be loud. But, yes there will be laughter.

There will be prayer. Prayer when I start IV's. Prayer when the patient is having a procedure. Prayer when I start my day. Prayer breathed over the first sip of my coffee. Prayer as I call the doctor because something didn't go as planned. Prayer when I am at my wit's end, because really some patients take every last ounce of patience! Prayer, prayer, prayer. There will be prayer.

I will provide stories. Stories about my children, my family, what I saw on TV, my life growing up on a farm. You name it, I probably have a story for it. Even if it involves making myself sound like a total goofball who rips out her pants at church! If the story must be told, I. Will. Tell it.

And coffee. Coffee, hot black and strong will be brewed at the beginning of each shift, and again at 4pm, for the evening exhaustion that is bound to set in. And, of course that evening cup of coffee will be enjoyed with a single piece of dark chocolate. The simple sweet with the caffeine jolt will revolutionize the remainder of the shift.

So, in summary, you really, really need to hire me for a part time position. I will faithfully work 2 twelve hour shifts per week. I'm willing to pick up 2 Saturdays a month, and even a couple of minor holidays. Of course, I am really only willing to work one major, but in light of the obvious benefits you will receive by hiring me, surely you can find someone else, or even offer bonuses to cover the shifts I will be missing? Or perhaps find another part time nurse who wants one 12 hour shift per week, and will flip-flop holidays with me. Either way, I hope you understand the vast benefit you get in hiring the singing, laughing, praying, storytelling, cartwheeling, albeit bossy nurse, who can very occasionally be mistaken for Wonder Woman.

Thank you for your time.

A forgotten random conversation...

Some of you commented on the name thing. It reminded me of a conversation I had planned on blogging with the rest...

We had a nurse that was coming to work for us, but ended up not. She seemed extremely nice and enthusiastic. I love enthusiasm. I loved her smile. I loved her sense of humor. However, I had a hard time with her name.

It was Tijuana.

Yep. Tijuana.

Seriously. Pronounced just like Tijuana, Mexico. What were her parents thinking?

I would never name a child something that might turn out prophetic.

Might as well name your child Hooligan!

Now, I'm back to filling out online job applications....

I'm tellin' ya. I gotta get back to 12 hour shifts! These 8 hour days are KILLING me! How do people stand to go to work every day?

Randomness

How many posts have I titled Randomness?

First of all, what does it say when your husband emails you this link?

Second, I will share some of the random things that we discussed at work today. It was a busy day. A day where if it could it did go wrong. First of all, the biplane quit in the middle of our first procedure. Simply put, the biplane has 2 cameras that shoot live x-rays while we do procedures. So, you can have 2 views. But, since the biplane went kaput we had to stop, move the patient to a stretcher, take them to the single plane room and rescrub, drape and all...Very frustrating. That single procedure took over 3 hours. Ugh.

The biplane was repaired. We decided to use it to do a drainage of an abscess that had accumulated around a newly transplanted kidney. Clean, prep, drape...

My monitor blew a fuse or something. It would only operate on battery. I thought I threw a breaker in the wall because I had also plugged a sonogram machine into my cart, which I then plugged into the wall. I figured it was too much power on the single outlet. The sonographer moved her plug to another outlet and hers worked great. Not mine. I drug my cart all over the room, repositioning wires and leads to be able to continue to monitor my patient, trying to find an outlet before my battery died. The battery life on our monitors is minimal at best. I finally decided that my monitor had a malfunction, called another nurse to bring me a portable monitor, and Oila! I had full power!

No sooner did I realize that, than the doctor decided that due to the positioning of the abscess it was too risky to do the procedure under plain x-ray, so we had to undrape, move her to a stretcher, go the CT scanner (cat-scan as you may know it) and do the whole rescrub, redrape, resedate, the whole shebang....

However, we had some very interesting discussions during all of this drama:

The founder of a major grocery store in South Texas, called H-E-B, was named Harry E. Butts. No joke. The doctor insisted I was lying. I wasn't lying, but it turns out I was wrong. Woops. His name was Howard E. Butts. Guess it was some sort of urban legend I heard. I still stand by H-E-B as one of the best stores you can visit. They are beautiful. And affordable! Here is the link to that: History of H-E-B

Also, yesterday at lunch I read in The Chicken Fried News section of the Oklahoma Gazette, I believe, that a man had a remote control sphincter placed to replace the ostomy he had to deal with as a result of his quadriplegia. Again, the doctor said I was pulling his leg. Here's the link for proof of that little gem here. My first thought was, "What happens if you lose your remote? Or your kids get ahold of it? Or you tick off your spouse, and they stash it under the couch cushions until you're literally full of it?" It turns out I was wrong about the type of remote.

Mind you, the doctor told me about two twins with the last name Hogg. One was named Ima, and the other Urra. Well, as it turns out, there really was an Ima Hogg. She became known as the first lady of Texas. Who knew? Read all about her here.

Yep, we had some very meaningful discussions. Such as, all nurses are bossy. It's practically a job requirement. Tell patients what to do. Instruct families on home care. Gently nudge the doctor to write the orders you want him to write...It all comes with the territory of being a nurse. We are a bossy species. Except the single male nurse in our department. You never met a more reserved person. He actually asked me if it was okay if he went to the bathroom last week! Can you imagine? Seriously, most nurses are pretty bossy. But, for any of you who know me, I'm sure that's no surprise.

Speaking of that: By the time I finished with my procedures for a break I was suffering from the dreaded, but strange trifecta of nursing: I was dying of thirst, hungry enough to eat the first morsel of food I find...Even if I'm unsure of the origin...And, finally, I had to pee. Isn't it weird to be thirsty and need to pee desperately at the same time?

This same doctor and I had a very exciting case last week. He was trying to open up the artery in the right foot of a gentleman with gangrene. I had a hard time getting my patient to settle down and lie still. I kept giving him a tiny bit more medicine, and a tiny bit more. He finally relaxed and started snoring. Until he stopped. I said his name. No response. I yelled his name, and cranked up his oxygen. Minimal response. I started rubbing his chest and calling his name. He groaned, then drifted back off, and quit breathing again. I said, "Shonda! Get me a mask and crank it up to 15 liters! Jared! Keep him stimulated!" Then, I went and grabbed some narcan, which reverses the pain medicine I was using. I gave it in his IV...He immediately woke up and started yelling at me that he was hurting.

Whew!

The doctor started laughing, and said he was glad I needed him around. You see, I had just done everything, and failed to ask for orders. Oops. But, it worked, and after all he was standing right there and could have cancelled what I was doing at any moment. He called me "Dr. Andi" for the rest of the day.

But that is not the end of the drama for this poor fellow. The doctor had to enter through the left groin to access the vessels he needed in the right foot. This fellow had severe vascular disease, kidney disease, and just had crappy health in general...As it turns out, the man had blockage in the artery near the point of entry. The doctor tried to use angioplasty, (a balloon) to widen the artery so he could access the area he originally needed... A risk for this is knocking plaque loose, which can lead to all sorts of trouble. I'd never actually seen it happen. Well, it did. It immediately blocked off the artery almost completely. This resulted in all sorts of extra chaos that we and the patient neither one needed.

So, the point of that story is after the drama that unfolded with the 2 of us last week, and our troubles this week, I think we may avoid any partnerings for a while...But I love working with him because he's quirky and crazy and he actually encourages me to sing with the xm radio during procedures! Who wouldn't love that?

Next random statement: Isn't it creepy when you go outside in the dark in your front yard, and you can hear something scampering in the yard out of the reach of the light, and your cat and both dogs are in the house? Yikes. Who knows what that was.

Oh! And one last random conversation at work. I was called to the CT department to help with a difficult IV. One of the techs was talking about the fresh eggs her hubby had brought home when he took their daughters to a family member's house who, apparently, has chickens. She was discussing how dark yellow they are and how, "eggy" they taste. You know I had to join the conversation, right?

Well, I volunteered that my mom raised chickens. She had to buy eggs for the first time in a long while recently, and was disappointed in not only the flavor but the price! I told them that her last chicken was recently killed, although she didn't know if coyotes, bobcats, or what were getting her chickens....

Scott died laughing. "OF COURSE Andi would have a story about chickens...And one that would include bobcats and coyotes!" They all laughed. I did too, but I secretly pitied them.

Poor kids. They just don't know what they missed out on living on the farm!

Studmuffin is Half Samoan

Are you surprised?

My sister isn't. She realized that Studmuffin was "different" from the rest of his family at our wedding. Of course, hers was a strictly visual judgment. You see, Studmuffin's brothers have red hair. And they are both fair complected. She knew his father had died when he was growing up, so she just decided that he must have had a different dad than his brothers. That was a completely wrong assumption. They all 3 share the same 2 parents.

But, despite their completely shared heritage, Studmuffin is half Samoan.

That's right. Not only is he 25% veterinarian, he is also 50% Samoan.

He has to be. That is the only rational explanation for some very interesting facts. First, there's his complexion. He has brown hair, eyes, and has dark skin. When we were dating, and he spent many hours driving a cabless tractor he was as brown as a berry. His teeth and whites of his eyes practically glowed in his face. However, now he has a desk job, so he will never reach that level of tan again. Of course, I don't have a picture of those days, but I do have this picture:


Now, if that isn't the face of a Samoan, I don't know what is!

The second piece of evidence I present to you is this:

Studmuffin's parents went to Hawaii. I have seen the coconut they mailed to the kids. I have seen the photo of my mother-in-law with a handsome dark complected man who placed a suspicious necklace of flowers around her neck. Studmuffin was born the year that this trip occurred....Coincidence? I think not, Gentle Reader. I think not....

The third piece of evidence I would like to provide you with is this:


You see, Studmuffin has an unusual midnight snacking habit. Whenever he wakes up and is unable to return to sleep, he wanders to the kitchen and grabs his favorite midnight treat. He eats cans of pineapple. That's right. Pineapple. I find this totally bizarre. Who gets up and eats pineapple?

What about cookies? Wait. I don't buy cookies. Over the lips, onto my hips and all that jazz...Scratch the cookies.

What about ice cream? Wait. I don't buy that either. His cholesterol is sky high, so we buy strictly sherbet or frozen yogurt.

What about a bowl of cereal? Yes! We do have cereal! And it's whole grain, so that can totally lower those vicious LDL scores that are so frighteningly high....

But, no. He chooses pineapple. Truly, it's a mystery of epic proportions....

One that can only be explained by one answer.


My husband is clearly half Samoan.

Don't you wish you could be fly on the wall for the completely insane conversations we have in this family?

What Makes Me Happy.

Well, I was blessed with an award from The Lumberjack's Wife. She is a lovely mother with 4 children, and she has a great sense of humor. Go check her out here.

So, there are rules. I HATE rules. Unless the rules are important to me, in which case the rules are imperative and everyone simply MUST follow them, and if they don't follow them they are ridiculous. But, moving on, here are the rules:

I must list 10 things that make me happy and try to make at least one of them part of my day.
After that, I'm to pass the award on to 10 bloggers who brighten my day. The problem with this, as usual, is that I don't actually know 10 bloggers, as most of the bloggers I know are much higher on the echelon of blogging than I am, and they can't be bothered with the likes of me. Also, there's the fact that I don't tell a lot of people that I blog, because I'm afraid they'll think I'm more of a freak than they already know I am. Weird. I know.

So. Let's begin, shall we? I'll start with 10 things that make me happy...

1. I love that I am a child of God and can rest in the security of eternal salvation.

2. I love my Studmuffin who makes me laugh on a daily basis. Unless he's deliberately making me angry because he thinks it's cute. Of course I still love him, but I do not love when he deliberately tries to make me go berserk.

3. I love my kids. They give me more laughter than I ever thought possible from 2 little bodies.

4. Chocolate makes me happy. Specifically Godiva chocolate that Santa graciously put in my stocking makes me happy. The very same chocolate I refused to share with my children. Yet, Popcorn persevered in asking for some of it. Studmuffin said, "Give up, honey. There is no way your mom is going to part with a single piece of that chocolate." To which she promptly replied, "Hide and watch, Dad. Hide and watch." I laughed so hard I ended up giving her a bite.

Okay a nibble.

More like a sliver.

But still, parting with even a crumb of Godiva chocolate is a sacrifice of immense proportions!

5. Coffee makes me VERY happy. Hot, black, strong coffee. Coffee brewing and spreading it's pungent aroma through the entire house. I love the gurgle of the coffee as it brews. I love cupping the mug in my hands and holding it near my face with my eyes closed. It is truly an experience. Yes. I could go on and on and on about coffee. But, I will stop there. Just please believe me. I. Love. Coffee.

6. Naps. I love naps. I try to take one every Sunday. I used to take one every Wednesday too. Alas, that has to go by the wayside now that I'm working 4 days a week. Dang it...Wait! I won't dwell on that. That is not something that makes me happy, so moving on...

7. Books. Lots and lots and lots of books.

8. Kelsey. I love my dingo. Seriously, everyone should have a dingo. You can read all about them here. But you can read all about my dingo here. Oh, and I love Holly. Even if she makes me crazy. And of course, who can resist Oliver the garage cat?

9. Hot baths. Long hot baths go well with books, chocolate, and even coffee! And naps! Hey, you can combine a lot of the things that make me happy with a long hot bath. Except a dog. And kids. And Studmuffin. My baths are to be alone. That's just the way it has to be.

10. And finally, I LOVE BLOGGING!

So. There you go. 10 things that make me happy.

Now, for the hard part. Ten friends to pass this happiness award on to. Let's see. I'll choose

#1. Dawn. She's my sister. So you know she is hilarious. Of course, she's craftier and more organized, but hey, in spite of those things, she's still pretty hilarious.

#2. Mom. She's pretty funny too. Of course, we had to learn our story telling and sense of humor somewhere! I guess she probably deserves some credit for that...

#3. Sarah. She's my niece. She's a photographer. She runs late most of the time. She is beautiful. And, of course, funny. And you should totally contact her for your next photo needs.

#4. Sandy. She's a blogging friend who inspires me to stop and listen to God's voice. She is great for encouraging you to remember that God is still speaking to us today, we just need to listen.

#5. Southern Gal. I haven't gotten to know her well. Of course, we only met through blogger land, but her posts make me smile, and she could use a pick me up since her son has pneumonia!

#6. Becky. I miss Becky. She doesn't blog much any more, but she is still my bloggy friend. Even if she is a trekky. I love her anyway. How can you not admire a woman who has 4 children, homeschools, and works at a pizza parlor to help out with finances? Talk about heroic!

#7. Heidi. She will make your jaw drop and you will laugh your socks off. She is the Milk Man's Wife. She makes me miss farm life. Seriously. You can learn tons from this lady. Check her out.

Hmmm. That's it. It's not 10, but I'm impressed I came up with 7! Have a wonderful day! And now, I'm going to bed. Good night.

Toes in the Freezer

Just now I had the most amazing conversation with Popcorn.

She was preparing a bowl of ice cream. Because, after all, ice cream is apparently necessary when it is a whopping 28 degrees outside.

I was preparing myself a cup of organic green tea. The organic is not really necessary to my existence. Neither is the green part, for that matter. Really, the only necessary ingredient to my existence is the caffeine. And the heat. Coffee would have been preferable.

However, I am out of coffee.

Well, that's not strictly true. I have some disgusting Walmart brand coffee that I made the mistake of buying. I plan to return it the next time I make a 6am run to Walmart. That's truly the best time to go because nobody else is there. But, other than truly disgusting Walmart coffee, I am out of coffee.

Because my wretched family drank it all when they were here.

Not that my family is wretched. As a matter of fact, my family is wonderful, and I'm more than happy to share a cup of coffee with them. It is only when I'm desperately needing my 4pm cup of coffee, and remember I'm totally out until I run to the store tonight that they become a wretched family. Because, clearly, it's all about me.

But the point of this post is not that I'm out of coffee. It's not that it's cold outside. It's not even that my child feels the need to eat ice cream when it's cold outside. The point of this post can be summed up in one statement made by Popcorn as she got out the ice cream:

"That feels good. You know, there's just never a bad time to stick your toes in the freezer!"

There you go. Next time your wretched family has drank all of your coffee, and it is time for a 4pm caffeine fix, just stick your toes in the freezer and all will be right with the world.

Ice Skating

Popcorn turned 8 last Wednesday! Happy belated birthday, Popcorn!

Of course, I didn't forget her birthday, I just haven't had the chance to blog about our adventures! we started the day with a birthday wish on OK43 from the news crew there. Yes, I am fabulous. I will not mention the fact that I kept submitting it wrong, and I finally got it in at 8:55 am, and the very last thing they mentioned as they went off the air at 9am was "Happy 8th birthday Mindy." But, hey! It was said, and she heard it!


We met Studmuffin at CiCi's for lunch. I was so excited when she picked an all you can eat pizza, pasta, salad, and DESSERT buffet. I just love it when my kids are practical...And cheap. It brings a tear of joy to a mama's eye, I'm tellin' ya.



We invited a little friend to go skating with us. My girls had ice skated once before, but now that they have roller blades, they seemed to pick up the ice skating pretty quick. They each claim to have hardly fallen at all. If that is the case, I ask you to please disregard the wet spots on their jeans.


Have you ever noticed that kids will tramp through the snow even if there is a perfectly cleared sidewalk right next to them?


Also, this little birthday girl is practically incapable of walking right next to me anywhere. However, she is VERY capable of posing prettily at the sight of a camera.

We finished the day with her favorite supper: Spaghetti. We had store bought cupcakes since we were having a party for her on January first. She was just as happy with them as homemade... But I wasn't.


Oh! I'm sure you're wondering how I did ice skating. I did pretty well over all. I only had one big fall. But that was enough. When I hit the ice on my knees, my stomach rolled, and I seriously thought I was going to puke. But I didn't. I got up as quickly as I could so as not to draw attention to myself, and "skated it off." Of course, I didn't stop. I'm just not much of a spectator. Now, I fell a few other times. Once just to my hands because I hadn't realized my skate had come untied. I quickly remedied that. Another time I fell on my bottom. Popcorn had stopped to talk with me. As she skated off, she cut behind me. She lost her balance and grabbed my by the back of my coat. My skates flew out from under me, and I landed on my bottom. Of course, the only evidence of my scrapes is my knees.



Now it's a lovely shade of yellowish-green and purple. It was originally a 2nd knee cap on the inside of my knee. It looks a lot worse now, but it feels much better.

By the way, for any of you who may be wondering. It sure did hurt a lot worse to fall as an adult than I remember.