The Giants

Wow!  Has it been THAT long since I posted?  Well, that also represents how long since I've sat at my computer.  Oh, don't go too crazy.  I do check my email.  On my phone.  But I've just been too distracted to sit down and write a blog.

But in a good way.

On the fourth anniversary in this town, I've come to a startling realization.  I am actually starting to put down roots.  Studmuffin is a little freaked by this revelation.  "We don't put down roots.  We move on."  Sure, he was joking.  But there was a small grain of truth in his statement.  Move away from home to college.  I actually changed colleges three times (long story).  Move to Arlington.  Move to San Antonio.  Move BACK to Oklahoma, yet go on various job interviews disguised as vacations...

And I think that's been my problem here.  Studmuffin has been unhappy in his job, and I've felt that at any moment he could find a better job, and off we'd be.  So, I've kept my emotional distance.  I'm done with that now.

I think...

I've been trying to be purposeful about alone time with God.  Each morning as my water runs in my various flower beds, I sit on my newly painted chair with it's bright red cushion, cup of coffee near at hand, dogs at my feet and cats clamoring up the side of the lattice, and open my Bible.

Right now I'm in the book of Joshua.  I can't say as I've ever sat and studied Joshua.  Sure, I've read the common stories, and I knew the gist, but there are big things that God is telling me in the little passages.  Not that I think any passages are "little."  But they can slip by you if your heart is not listening...

Want to hear something crazy?  I've been burdened by a new movie release.  It's titled "Magic Mike."  When I first saw the previews I thought, "Yuck.  Who would go see that?"  And I've been appalled at just who WILL go  see it.  And it is saddening.

It is not okay.  It is not "just a movie" and it is a saddening reflection of our society as a whole.  I once heard a preacher (I think it was John Macarthur) say that when women have given into sexual depravity as a thing of normalcy, the society has reached rock bottom.  If it wasn't him, I apologize, but he has plenty to say on what GOD says about sexual immorality and here's a quick link to a list of sermons if you want to peruse the site:  http://www.gty.org/search/homosexuality

Anyway, I have been saddened by the depravity I see in our nation.  Yet I have felt a strange joy in spite of the things I see around me.  I know it's because of the time I've been spending with Him.  And I've been listening to what He has to say to me...

Right now he's hammering home the importance of seeking out and eradicating sin.  All sin.

WHAT?  ALL of it?  Surely not.  I mean, my sins arent' that big of deal.

 Right? 

In Joshua 11 & 12 I read of Joshua's leadership of the Israelites into battle.  It took me a few minutes to read it.  But this total eradication of the enemy through these territories took Joshua seven years.  Seven long years of brutally stamping out God's enemies.  Seven years following forty years of wandering in a desert...

Zoiks.  That is some serious obedience.  My Bible annotates:  Obedience is one aspect of life that each individual can control.

Okay.  I can't argue with that.  I may have no control over any other circumstance in my life.  But I CAN control my obedience to God.

As I read a few days later in Joshua 13:13 I saw that the Israelites failed to eradicate all of the people as God had instructed them to do...And again I was pricked by my own stubborn refusal to remove some sins because I view them as "no big deal."  And the rest of the world doesn't even see what I mean if I were to call these areas "sin."

In Joshua 14:6-15 I find the refreshing voice of Caleb, boldly stating that while is well into his 80s he is EAGER to take the land God has promised him and to face the giants he has already seen with his own eyes as a young man.  He knew God was bigger than any foe he would face.  Lord, help me have the strength of Caleb.

I will finish with these three verses Joshua 15:63, 16:10 and 17:12.  Each of these contain a glaring failure on the part of the Israelites.  They failed to remove all of the people of the land, as God had instructed them.  As I reflected on this truth, I was struck by one fact.  This small remnant of people that the Israelites considered not worth the hassle of removing from their land would be the source of suffering for generations to come...

On Saturday morning, I went to weeding my flower beds.  I actually enjoy weeding.  It is very rewarding and it gets me outside which is always a bonus.  However, in my newest flower bed that curves around the southwest side of my house there is a slow insidious takeover happening.  Not in the form of weeds, but in the form of grass.  Of course, I want the grass all over my yard.  Just not in my flower beds.  And it is a royal pain to remove.  That stuff creeps under and over things and those darn roots run deep.  I pulled up every twig that I saw.  And it will still come back.  And I will have to be diligent or before I know it, the darn stuff will have taken over the whole flower bed and choke out the plants I'm wanting to grow.

Sin is the same way.  I can yank it out by the roots.  I can weed it and hoe it, and in extreme cases I can spray it to kill the whole dang plant.  And yet it will come back.

Just like the sin in my life.  It may seem small and insignificant.  But if it interferes with my obedience to God and therefore my fulfillment of God's purpose for my life it is a giant in the making.  As I sat on my knees in my yard Saturday I was overwhelmed with the thought that the small sins of today could be the giants in my future...

Or worse-the giants my children must face.

Lord help me live a life of full obedience.

In Your Face? Maybe so.

I had a reader send me an email a while back.  She said she thought she might be friends with me, but she was unsure as I seem to be an "in your face" Christian.  I was shocked.  She was basing this on my old side bar that had steps of how to become a Christian.  I was actually tired of that sidebar and had been thinking of changing it for months, but couldn't come up with anything...

Anyway, that sidebar was basically a spin off of the "ABCs" that our church teaches every single child that walks through the door during Vacation Bible School.  Call me crazy, but if it's unoffensive to children, I think that adults can handle it.  Other than maybe kids are more willing to admit they've done wrong and the only way they can ever get to heaven is acknowledging that they have sinned and they need a savior. (Romans 3:23)

But that is not what this post is about.  This post is about conversations at work.  Conversations that perhaps paint me as an "in your face" Christian.

One of my coworkers was asking how to join our church, "Do you have to take a class or something?"  My response led to a discussion about salvation, and my belief that once saved, you can never lose your salvation.  It is always secure. (Romans 8:35-39, and here's a great article on secure salvation) God promises us an eternity spent with Him in heaven...

I guess that's a pretty bold conversation to have in front of a mixed crowd.

Yesterday I had a very trying patient.  He did not want to be there.  He was adamant that nothing was wrong with his dialysis graft, and that we were wasting his time.  I told him that if the dialysis unit was wrong, then he could go gloat to them, but if they were right, he would be glad we saved it before it failed completely.  There were many, many conversations with him that day.  Trying conversations.  Conversations where I struggled to be patient and kind...

When we were back in the procedure room, and I was getting the patient situated with monitors and warm blankets, and asking my last minute safety questions (which I had already asked as soon as he arrived, but we double check in procedure) he began to be belligerent and confrontational saying he'd already answered those questions and he wasn't a liar, so I needed to quit asking the same questions over and over...

The doctor walked in.  "Andi, would you like to do a time out now?"

Translation:  Would you like to do the time out (a safety tool where we all verbalize what procedure is being done and I compare the information with the patient ID band and consent form to be sure we are all doing the right procedure) so you can give this fellow some sedation and SHUT HIM UP?

At least, that's how I interpreted his wink and smile...

So, I gave the patient his sedation.

A few minutes into the procedure I realized I'd forgot to offer up prayer before we started, so I just paused a moment in what I was doing and said a quick blessing over the patient...

Fast forward about 20 minutes into the procedure.  The doctor had failed to mention he was about to stretch open a narrow spot in the fistula.  Or I hadn't heard him say it, which is a real possibility.  Angioplasty in a dialysis fistula is very painful.  There is really nothing I can do to make it not painful, other than a dollop more of pain medicine mixed with some Versed to make him forget he ever felt it...

He woke up when that balloon inflated and started yelling and was very angry because he claims we said it "wouldn't hurt." Which is totally untrue.  We would never say that because, as I said, angioplasty hurts.  You can't numb the inside of vein walls.

I gave him a little more medicine.  He went back to sleep.  And this time I tried to be more diligent about watching my monitor, the patient, and to see if the doctor had the tool out for angioplasty (I do not remember the name.)

I noticed he was reaching for it.  I asked if I could premedicate before he stretched.  "Sure.  I know you don't want to have him wake up again."  Again the wink and smile.

"No.  This is just me being Jesus here."

"BEING Jesus?  What does that mean?"

"Now, don't go thinking I'm being blasphemous.  That's not what I was saying.  As a Christian, I'm to be the hands and feet of Jesus to those around me.  (Philippians 2:3-7) That includes taking good care of my patients and making sure they don't feel/remember when we hurt them.  You know, show the world who Jesus is."

He looked at me slightly askance.

"Testify, Andi.  Testify," the scrubbed in radiology tech said.

And the doctor had no comment to offer to that.

So....

In hindsight maybe I am an "in your face" Christian.  If being an "in your face" Christian means I pray with patients before procedures, and any time I sense they are scared or nervous about results.  I talk about my relationship with Jesus, and what He is talking to me about right now.  I put up index cards with the memory verse I'm working on memorizing next to the computer at the nurses station.  I talk to my coworkers about what Jesus means to me, and I will call us out to "have a little Jesus in our hearts" when we are being cranky and having a rough day.

I guess if you take those things into consideration...I must be a pretty "in your face" Christian.

And I'm okay with that.



As a Christian, I'm called to be like Christ.  Loving.  Gentle.  Compassionate.

But Christ was also honest.  He did not worry about offending people when He called them to Him. 

Sometimes I think as Christians we struggle with sharing the gospel, for fear that we will offend someone.  I worry that they will say I'm being self righteous or judgmental by saying "There is only one way to heaven."  But that is the truth.  The Bible clearly says "No man may come to the Father except through me."  (John 14:6-9) Translation:  The only way to heaven is through Jesus.  And Jesus calls us to confess our sins and profess Him as our Savior and Lord. 

If we claim Christ as the savior of our lives, yet fail to share that salvation message with others around us, then we are failing to do what Christ commanded us to do. (Mark 16:15) If I proclaim Christ is my savior, yet fail to show love to those around me, I'm failing to do what Christ called me to do.  (John 13:34-35)  If I proclaim Christ as my savior, and yet do not do my job to the best of my ability, (Colossians 3:23) giving God glory in every part of it, then I'm not doing what I was called to do.

Christ paid the debt for my sins.  He took the burden of my sins, even though I did NOTHING to deserve salvation, and carried them to the cross.  (Romans 5:8)  Because of His faithfulness and love, I have the promise of eternity in heaven.  He did not promise that the journey to heaven as a follower of Christ would be easy.  He promised me the exact opposite.  The Bible promises trials of all kinds.  And it promises strength to get through those trials.  (Philippians 4:13)

Not an easy journey.  Strength for the journey. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

So.  That's what God is talking about with me lately.  What's God been saying to you lately?

The Struggle

I listen to the radio on my way to work. I used to listen to Alistair Begg every morning, but since my time has changed, I only hear a few minutes of him. If you've never listened to his sermons, and you have a local Christian talk radio, I recommend you try to catch him. You will be challenged.

Anyway, this week I was listening to KLOVE. Their morning show has been discussing My One Word. It's like a non-New Year's resolution. You enter into a time of prayer with God, and you decide what He wants your one word to be for the year. This will be a word that you focus on to bring you closer to God and to see Him in more things. The morning show has Lisa and Eric, and he finally shared his word Friday after offering up teasers for what his word would be. He didn't want to share it until he was absolutely certain, but he did share that it dealt with relationships.

Friday he revealed that his word was Deeper. He wanted to have deeper relationship with God, his family, and his friends. He said he realized that he was using his own insecurities to prevent him from reaching out to others...

I was immediately struck by something.

I am not allowing myself any new deep relationships. I have allowed my own insecurities to keep me from reaching out.

I had fabulous friends in Texas. The best friends of my life are in Arlington and La Vernia. I always said they took better care of me than even my family could have. They were a large group and they were through our church, and we all really looked out for each other.

I don't know why I have lived here since July of 2008, and I have failed to establish those bonds here. The only answer I can come up with is fear. I don't want to bother them. I think they are too busy for me. Most people here have lots of family close by, so I have convinced myself that they don't need more friends.

So, I don't do all of the things I did in Texas. I don't call randomly through the week, just to chat. I don't want to bother them. I am at work during the day, and I don't want to interfere with family time in the evening. I hate to take up their busy Saturday with useless chatter...I know I talk too much, and I'm hyper, and I realize that I can be overwhelming for some. So I've completely backed off.

I rarely invite people over for dinner. When we lived in La Vernia I always had company over. I had a Bible study group that met at my house monthly that doubled as a "ladies night out." I would cook an enormous amount of food, brew pots and pots of coffee and we'd stay up until all hours of the night laughing and talking. In addition to that I would try to have at least one couple over monthly for dinner. I have always loved cooking for people. I never want to eat out or carry out because I truly love fixing the big meal and sharing it with people I love.

Since we moved here I work the same amount of hours, but since I'm no longer floor nursing, my days are shorter, so I work more days. That makes me more reluctant to invite people over because I'm so dad gum tired. I don't want to go through the whole rigmarole of cleaning the house for company. I don't want to cook the big extravagant meal. I just want to collapse on the couch.

So, today I went onto facebook and I committed to going to a Sunday school class party in February. Even if it does involve volley ball...Which I am terrible at. Even if I do hate to participate in events that I can't excel at. I will make the leap and go.

I also plan to invite friends over for next Saturday night. I haven't decided who yet. Mostly it will be whoever can come. Maybe I will bite the bullet and invite several couples over and we can play a round of games. (Games I can win, mind you.) It's ridiculous that I don't do this more often. Every time I have made myself invite people over, they always come. And we have a great time...

So, after reflecting on the revelation God gave me on Friday I think that my one word for this year will be closer. I have made friends here. I just haven't made close friends. They are good friends, but I have failed to make myself vulnerable to them. I have refused to depend on them, or make myself dependant on their support. I know God wants this for me. I know he wants me to be able to call someone close by when I'm having a "I can't take it anymore day, I'm calling....to talk about it," instead of someone hundreds of miles away. I just need to make the effort instead waiting for them to come to me with a crisis.

Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel that you will wait for a person to be vulnerable with you so you can feel safe to be vulnerable with them? It takes a lot of courage to be real with someone. But I'm going to do it. I'm going to reach out and throw up my feelings all over the next person I meet. I'm pretty sure we will be friends forever as a result...

Don't you agree?

How Cool is That?

God smacked me on the forehead today. Don't worry. It was a good smack. One of those, "WOW!" moments.

I'm reading Romans, one chapter a day. Chewing on it. Thinking about it. Really trying to digest what I'm reading...Is anyone hungry now?

Today's reading was chapter 5. Heavy stuff.

Do you have a commentary that you read along with your Bible? I love mine. It is called
Believer's Bible Commentary by William MacDonald. God used this book to bring home His truth to me this morning. It helps my feeble brain wrap around some big concepts.

God can have nothing to do with sin. Yet while we were all still dead in our sins, He sent Christ.

His only son. The God and creator of the universe.

To die for us.

For me....

He paid the cost of my sins.

If God called me while I was dead in my sins, and I know that sin makes me an enemy of God, if He called me to Himself in that condition, how much more will He do for me as a precious child?

Wow.

Next came verse 12. Death came through Adam. Sin was now in the world. All man now lived in separation from God due to their sin, which all began with Adam. Even before the law was given. They were still sinners....

Hmmm....

Okay, I gotta say it. My brain asked the question that every "good" Christian shrinks from.

Why did God allow sin? If He had never allowed sin, then He would never have had to make the immense sacrifice of dying and bearing the burden of the entire world's sin!

Why did He allow it?

Then, God gave me this answer: THROUGH ADAM'S SIN, AND THE EVENTUAL DEATH, BURIAL AND RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST, GOD RECEIVED MORE GLORY. AND MAN RECEIVED MORE BLESSING.

More blessing?

That's right! More BLESSING.

All Adam had to do was follow God's one command to him "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." (Genesis 1:16b-17)

We all know he ate it.

The big dummy. I get irritated with him and Eve every time I read it. Probably because I'm just like them. My husband says a sure fire way to get me to do something is tell me I can't do it. Don't you just hate when you are all mad at some idiot, then realize you are a whole lot like them?

But what if Adam hadn't eaten the fruit?

Man would still be living in the Garden of Eden. Life would be easy. Every little need provided. We'd still be meeting up with God every so often for an occasional stroll and chat.

BUT man would not have hope of eternity spent in HEAVEN with Jesus Christ, as an heir of Christ, being like Christ forever.

These blessings came only through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ.

Which would never have been necessary without the fall of man.

So through one tragic event, the first sin of man, God planned the blessing of every man who will come to Him through His son: Jesus Christ.

How cool is that?

Say Tennis Ace Teen King Lyre

We have an evangelist at our church this week. The title of this here post is on a t-shirt my daughter bought from his ministry...Say it really fast, and you will figure out the riddle...

Anyhoo, we have GREAT news to share with you!

Remember Popcorn, my little homebody?

She did NOT want to go to church Tuesday night.

Satan did not want her to go to church....

I drug her little complaining tale to church and told her "you have fun once you get there, and this is only for two more nights."

"I know. I just don't have time to play this week! And I want to play!"

"I know Baby. It will be over soon."

So. We went to church.

We ate a delicious meal of spaghetti and salad with french bread and sugar cookies for dessert.

We heard a fabulous sermon with the theme "It's all about the heart. What is in the heart comes out of your mouth. What you say is what you mean." It was great...

At the end of the sermon, we had an invitation... Of course. What would be the point of a crusade, if you don't invite people to know Jesus personally?

Every head bowed, every eye closed...

At the end, I looked up, and what do I see? Yes! I see a crowd of people. I think over 25 made decisions for Christ...But guess which one I was most excited about!

Popcorn asked Jesus into her heart!

Hallelujah!

Now, just for background, when Popcorn was 5 on Good Friday of 2008, she told me she wanted Jesus in her heart. I blew her off, initially, because I wasn't sure she truly understood she needed a savior. However, she said to me, "But Mommy, how do you know if I die I won't go to hell?" Well, I decided she had a good understanding of her need of a savior, and figured I'd better not try to quench the Spirit.

Well, I know why Satan did not want her to go to church Tuesday night.

Tuesday night, she felt the Holy Spirit.

Calling her.

She went and spoke with one of the counselors, who happened to be her first grade Sunday School teacher, and she said that while she always understood she needed Jesus, she never felt Him in her heart. She prayed with the pastor that night during the invitation, and she wept big drops of tears down her cheeks, off her chin and onto her shirt as she told me, "Jesus is my savior."

She got Jesus out of her head. She moved Him into her heart.

And that, Gentle Reader, is worth a big ole Hallelujah!

Prayer

I had an interesting event at work today...

We have a new nurse who is orienting to our department. She is a beautiful woman both inside and out. She teaches 5th grade Sunday school, has two beautiful boys, is an amazing nurse.....

And she told me that she wishes she had the courage to pray in front of any doctor the way I do...

I was taken aback.

It's been a long time since I worried what others would think about me stopping to pray with a patient.

But I wasn't always so bold.

It kind of started gradually, and I think God had a progression of lessons to teach me about praying with patients, which then extended to family members, and has now reached the point that I will pray for anyone, at any time.

Before we start our procedures, I pray with my patients. If I'm called to a department to start an IV for certain tests, I offer prayer to help ease their minds as they await results. If I'm walking through the CT holding area, and I find a woman in a neck brace, on a back board, weeping and crying because she has to pee so bad she is miserable, I pray with her after I call her nurse in the ER and ask if she can get an order for a catheter to relieve this woman's pain...

The point is, I feel no fear offering prayer.

I have to say that this journey to boldness in prayer began with one defining moment.

Isn't that weird? Something as simple as making prayer with my patients as routine as starting an IV, has a defining moment...

We were still living in Arlington, TX. I had a two year old and a three year old at home at the time. A woman in my Bible study group decided she was being called by God to teach, specifically in the public school.

I remember the conversation so clearly. She was calling me to offer me hand-me-downs from her daughter (yes, indeed, I've always loved hand-me-downs). She was sharing her story with me about her desire to become a teacher, and she said to me, "I know you really don't understand this, because you just have a job."

I was confused by this statement. She then elaborated. "You know, you just go to work as a nurse to do a job. You don't feel called by God to be a nurse."

WOW!!

That was a pretty harsh statement, but I have to say this lady had never pulled any punches with anyone, so I guess she was just stating facts as she saw them.

And that was truly a sad thing.

I was obviously not pursuing my career as a nurse with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I was obviously not doing all things in my job as I was doing it for the Lord. I was obviously not sharing the joy that I had received from my Savior at work.

She did not work with me. She had never even been in my hospital. However, her observations of my attitude towards work (I had trophy wife fantasies even then) had left her with the impression that I did not have a calling to be a nurse.

Therefore, I could never understand the passion she felt for becoming a teacher.

OUCH.

I can never remember a time when I didn't know I was going to pursue a career in health care. That being the case, and the ease with which I fell into the roll of nurse, I knew that I knew that I KNEW that God had called me to be a nurse.

I was simply failing to fulfill my calling.

Oh, I was going to work.

I was doing my job. I was doing it well.

But, I was not doing it with the mindset of being the hands and feet of Jesus.

That conversation transformed my patient care. It began with carrying note cards in my pocket with scriptures of encouragement. It turned into me saying a silent prayer as I bathed bedfast patients, and changed adult diapers...

This led to me hugging my patients, and their families. Kissing foreheads. Squeezing hands. Grabbing an extra blanket for their bed and folding it neatly within reach should they need it...

It slid into me becoming vigilant for opportunities to pray with anxious patients.

It led to joy.

Now I receive immeasurable blessing through my service of patients and families.

But, the boldness to offer a prayer to any person who walks through my door did not come over night. It has been a process six years in the making.

And it all began with a brutally honest conversation with a woman I only casually knew.

I'm so thankful God softened my heart to hear what He was saying to me through her.

In closing, I will share with you my life verse. I started carrying this verse after I had my youngest child, and I was working nights and days both, whatever I had to do to not put my kids in child care. I was living on coffee, and running on fumes, and I was struggling to show Christ to others at work.

Forget that.

I was struggling to do more than provide basic care to patients...

God gave me this verse, and I still carry it with me, and pull it out to remind myself how I am to be.

Philippians 2:14-16a
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life.

That's it. Don't argue. Don't complain.

Just hold out the word of LIFE.

It starts with me

Raise your hand if you are concerned with the future of this nation, and the future of our children...

I'm guessing most hands went up. I wonder if any of you are like me, and pray for change in our country, but wonder what you are supposed to do. I'm facilitating a Bible study at my church with Beth Moore's Esther It's Tough Being a Woman. We got into a discussion based on Esther 3:15. King Xerxes and Haman are sitting, enjoying a drink while the rest of the kingdom is in an uproar. King Xerxes has ignorantly agreed to allow Haman to annihilate all Jews in the kingdom, and this will include his own queen. It seems so ludicrous when you read it. Sitting and drinking. Enjoying a chat with a friend. The rest of the world is in panic, and he is having a relaxing moment of fellowship. Disgusting, isn't it?

What am I doing about today's world? What am I doing to right any wrongs I see around me? Am I actively involved in challenging the threat I see to my children's future? Or am I sitting drinking my coffee, and reading my Bible, and saying, "Oh well, it's such a shame. If THOSE PEOPLE wouldn't make the decisions they're making, we wouldn't be in this situation." Because, really, what am I supposed to do? My hands feel tied. I pray for our leaders daily. I pray for this country daily. But what more am I to do? Yes, I can vote when an election comes. But,what about right now? What can I do to make a difference this very moment? Write a letter? That's a great starting place, but I lack the conviction that it will make a difference. Attend a tea party? I think these are great, but I haven't actually know when they were going to occur, or exactly what they were partying about. That is my fault. I should have my finger on the pulse of what's going on around me.

Think of Hitler. He didn't immediately come up and say, "Let's kill all the Jews, and anyone who is disabled, or slow, or less than us." No. It was a slow, insidious process. It was small actions that many people shook their head at, and thought "that is wrong," then did nothing to stop. That is how our world is changing today. We see something that we KNOW is wrong, and we shake our heads thinking, "shame, shame, shame," and then we do nothing.

Yep. Bible study was pretty heavy today. We talked about some heavy issues that most of us have not done enough to speak out against. Abortion. Premarital sex. Homosexuality. All of those seem so harsh to read on the page to me. Sadly, they are not taboo topics anywhere. They are all freely discussed and embraced by our society. What are we as Christians to do in a culture that has so radically changed it's world view?

The only answer we could come up with was 2 Chronicles 7:14, which states: If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will HEAL THEIR LAND.

So, it starts with me. I am one of God's people. I am to humble myself and call to God, and pray and seek his face. Then, He will forgive me. And He will heal our land. One lady commented, "if enough people will pray..." NO! I will not think that way. This is a call to each of us as individuals. If I am unwilling to make changes until the rest of the world falls to its knees, then it will never happen. No, I can't control other people's actions. I can only control what I do with my relationship with God, and how that affects my decisions. I cannot expect the lost to turn from their wickedness. They do not know because they do not have the Holy Spirit to show them the way. So, as a Christian, I am to be light to them. If I as a Christian am unwilling to reflect God's truth to a lost world, where will we be? It is my God given job to present the gospel to them. After they have heard the gospel, and accepted God's truth, then I can expect them to seek God. Not before. How will they ever find healing if I don't present to them the Healer?

My challenge is this: What am I doing that ENABLES the wickedness that is prevalent in our country? Do my television shows represent a Biblical view or a world view? Ouch. What about my reading material? Ouch. Do I pay attention to my every day purchases? Do I know what the companies I'm buying from support? Do I even evaluate where they are made, and who made it? Nope.

As a Christian, I believe I am called to evaluate all of these things, and put them before God's Word. If they don't match up with what it tells me, then it needs to be removed from my life. End of story.

You are enough to make a difference. God has placed you in the position you are in, for such a time as the one you are facing now. Just as Esther was one woman given the challenge to save her entire race, you are the one person God has chosen for the destiny He has for you. Yes, God's will is always fulfilled, but your decision to participate in the destiny He has for you in this time and this moment is totally up to you. Seek His face. Call to Him today. He is listening, and He is enough.

That's my starting point for change. What is yours going to be?

Protecting her innocence.

Okay, before we go any further, I made Bookworm a promise. I promised that I would put a disclaimer at the beginning of this post that children should not be allowed to view this post. Its content is not appropriate for small viewers....

Moving on now that that's done:

Bookworm is an endless source of amusement for me. She is so earnest. She is very black and white. Her sense of right and wrong are very firm. I can't help it, sometimes I burst into laughter...

I know your curiosity is peaked. I know you are dying to learn some specific examples. Well, Gentle Reader fear not! I have two examples ready for you.

The first story involves this picture. My husband's company had their annual company picnic at Frontier City in "The City." That's Oklahoma City to all you non-Okies. Studmuffin was their with the girls by himself for the first few hours, as I was busy being the reflector girl for my niece Sarah at her photo session for my niece Molly.


I got there, and they had so many exciting things to tell me. Number one on Bookworm's list involved the Prairie Schooner. This is Frontier City's version of the swinging ship ride that so many of us know and love. Our conversation was as follows:

B: Mom, their is a naked lady on the front of the ship ride.
Me: Really?
B: Yes. When we were in line, I pointed it out to Dad. I knew he would want to know before we got on. (Understand, that this is all said in earnestness.)

Well, when I got in line to ride the ship with Popcorn (one time was enough with Popcorn. She nearly cried the first time, according to her) Bookworm made sure to point out the naked lady to me. I immediately snapped a picture and said I was going to blog about it. As I mentioned she made me promise to put a warning at the beginning. She was very upset by the naked lady. She pointed out it is very disappointing to have something like that in a family amusement park where any innocent children could see it. Again, I gotta say, I found all of this highly amusing. Okay. So maybe I cackled in my most terrifying Marilyn laugh (terrifying to me, because I fear it means I'm turning into my mother.) Maybe she shook her head at me, and didn't see the amusement in the situation....Maybe I'm an immature mother who found the whole thing funny...

Sunday my niece Sarah went shopping with Bookworm and me to find me an outfit for my high school reunion which is coming up in 2 weeks. We went to Old Navy. Bookworm came and got me. One of the modelquins was indecent. She was dressed in a camisole and a cardigan. Her camisole strap had slipped and her boob was about to fall out. I fixed the strap for her, and her relief was obvious. When we returned Sarah asked what we had been doing. I told her "Bookworm was on boob patrol, and I had to go cover one up." We both started laughing. Poor Bookworm turned crimson. And then, shock of shocks, I felt bad.

What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I teasing my child who is so determined to protect her innocence? Why do I chuckle every time she hides her eyes when people walk by and she realizes their t-shirts have inappropriate language on them (example: the zoo and a boy who was wearing a shirt that said I heart boobs. She was literally disgusted by that.) I love that she is so earnest in protecting her purity. I constantly talk to my kids about maintaining their purity. I forbid them to look at magazines in the check out. Of course I don't have to, because Bookworm often turns them over so they can't be seen...I make them leave or turn off the tv when I see inappropriate commercials....

Why in the world was I laughing at my child who is minding the Holy Spirit? We talk about when we get "funny feelings" and we think maybe we shouldn't be doing something, or looking at something, reading things, etc. I tell them that feeling comes from the Holy Spirit, and it is telling us to flee from whatever is tempting them. Then, when my precious child heeds the Spirits warning, I ridiculed her!

How humbling to realize that I was tempting my child to make light of the sin in our world. She's right. Nothing about that figure head was pleasing to God. It is an example of my heart being hardened to the sickness in this world. So, I had to ask her forgiveness. I told her I was proud of her for being so attentive to the Holy Spirit, and that I was sorry I had laughed at her. She, of course accepted.

Now. I need to pray and become more like my daughter. I need to learn to be on guard for Satan's sneaky ways. I know I have allowed myself to become numb. I have allowed my heart to be hardened. I don't know what to say. I'll just let scripture speak for me:

Hebrews 4:17-18
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts...
Hebrews 5:1-4
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving...
Hebrews 5:15
Be very careful, then how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

Clarification for Yesterday's Post

Okay, reading some of your comments, I decided I may not have been as clear as I could have been. I do not and never will think that coffee or caffeine is a sin. The idea I was trying to convey was that it's pretty sad that I have unwavering dedication to coffee. It visibly transforms me. Isn't it sad that I don't allow God to do the same for me every single day? I only mentioned giving up coffee in reference to Sandy's idea to fast from certain items to bring her closer to God. Well, every time fasting pops into my head, coffee immediately comes to mind...So, I obviously don't fast!


I had Bookworm take a pic of me with my coffee for this evening before she headed out to play. It is absolutely gorgeous out, and I could barely get her to stop long enough to snap a photo. I want to go play too, but alas, I am exhausted. I picked up an extra shift today, and didn't sit down except the one time I peed, and I didn't even get a chance to eat anything! I punched out as "no lunch." I never do that, even when I don't get a true lunch, because I usually at least get to stop and eat a few bites of lunch every once in a while, so that while I may not have had a true 30 minute break, I at least got to eat! That was not the case today, and since I had picked up a shift to help out, and I didn't get to eat, and I barely got to leave in time to get my kids from school, I was not feeling generous. The hospital can pay me for that 30 minute lunch that I didn't get today, thank you very much!

So, I'm through rambling now. I'm off to sit on the porch and watch the kids play, then I'm making chili for supper tonight. These beautiful days have made me hungry for fall food. I'll be sitting, sipping my java, and refusing to get up and play jump rope with them today. I'm whipped. Ramble at ya later!

Another Post on Coffee

I love coffee.

I love the way it tastes.

I love the way it smells.

The warm mug in my hands....

Wait a sec. I already covered this didn't I? Yep! I sure did. You can check that out here.

What prompted me to post this was a comment a friend made at work the other day. She said, "When Andi drinks coffee, it looks like she's having a religious experience." We all laughed at the time, because I'm sure it's kind of true. I start my day off with a cup of coffee. I often go to work and check to make sure the coffee is started before I even go to my locker or clock in. Since I love every single aspect of drinking coffee, I tend to hold the cup close to my face and inhale the aroma as I sip slowly. My eyes are often closed, and I tune every thing around me out as I savor those first few sips of rich dark wonderfulness. No additives necessary.

So, as I said, I'm sure her impression of my relationship with coffee could be true.

But it got me to thinking...

What about my time with God in the morning? Sure, I get up most mornings and do a devotion. But am I so committed to that devotion that it must be in place before any other aspect of my day can proceed, like that first cup of coffee? Am I so enchanted with the Word that I know God will give me, that I am able to tune all of my surroundings out and focus only on Him? Is my outlook visibly transformed by the Words I've eagerly drank in?

Yikes.

I think I know the answer to that.

Sandy, over at God Speaks Today, is doing a fast so that she may hear God speak to her more clearly. A 40 day fast to be exact. Good for Sandy! When I read her post tonight, I was reminded of my love for coffee (still haven't conceded that God may have been telling me to fast from my java), and how I would just hate to give up my self proclaimed psychotropic drug.

It's not like I use tons of caffeine. One mug in the morning, and another around 3:30 with my kids while they enjoy an after school snack. I don't usually partake of any other caffeine during the day, but still...

I have this dedication to daily cups of joe at certain times of the day. Very little gets in the way of the ritual. How sad that I don't have that dedication for the God of the universe, my personal Savior!

In Proverbs 8:17 God promises that He loves those who love Him, and those who seek Him find Him.

Matthew 6:33 tells me to seek His kingdom first and His righteousness, and all of my needs will be taken care of.

So I have to ask myself: What the heck is the deal here? Why am I so easily distracted from my time with God? Why do I place so many things before my time with Him? God is very clear that if I earnestly seek Him He will cover all of my needs (Matthew 7:7).

Well, I'm definitely going to be having some talks with God about this one. I know He will have many things to say to me.

So. How about you? What is God nudging you about today?