Busting My Buttons

I told this story at work this week.

Then I regretted it, as it portrays me as perhaps even more pitiful than my coworkers already view me...Well, not all of my coworkers, but some, and the some were in the room as I told my tale...After all, my perception (which is probably very skewed) is that they can go buy a new outfit, or (covet covet covet) new knee boots at any time, and not suffer feelings of remorse and guilt...Of course most of my female coworkers don't have to buy clothes for growing children... And they may not have the fear of debt that I have...

Anyhoo, this story was prompted by my friend telling a group of "the girls" in the break room about her doctor scolding her for weight loss.  She is a little bit of a thing, and she is going through a very tough time, and is losing weight she doesn't have to lose...She apparently can't eat when she's stressed.

Can we just stop right here and say I totally CAN'T relate?  I eat when I'm happy.  I eat when I'm sad.  I eat when I'm stressed.  I eat, I eat, I eat. 

Moving on...

She was talking about the revelation that with her dress pants she could move the button over so that they wouldn't fall down!

And then, this story unfolded from my lips.  A story that I regretted starting before I was even barely into it.  Because, clearly none of them could relate, and they were all flabbergasted that I would own such a thing, much less admit to it...

Are you confused?  Well, allow me to explain.

I have this beautiful pencil skirt.  It is black Pendleton wool.  And it belonged to my Grandma Irene who is 91 years old...It somehow moved from Dawn, to Paula, and ended with me....I have gone long periods with not wearing it, but then the mood strikes and a black pencil skirt with my black high heels, or better yet my high heeled knee boots is just the thing.  If you know nothing about Pendleton wool, let me assure you that it is not scratchy.  This skirt has no lining, but it is not itchy at all.  It is soft and warm and gorgeous, even if it is probably 50 years old...

But that is not the story.  Well, the skirt is the story.  But it is really just the background to the story, and you all know my stories MUST have background!

Several Sundays ago, when it was quite cold I decided it was a Grandma's skirt kind of day.  Complete with a bright blue turquoise cashmere sweater and lovely fuchsia scarf tied artfully around my neck.  I was feeling quite pleased with my wardrobe endeavors, Gentle Reader.  Quite pleased, indeed...

As I pulled on the skirt I thought to myself, "My, this sucker is tight.  Oh well, no big lunch with this puppy on!"  And then as I zipped it up, the hook that goes to the hook and eye closure (it has a button on the outside with a hook and eye inside) fell off.  I sat it on my dresser and decided that the fifty year old thread had given out, but I needed to be at church in like ten minutes for praise team rehearsal, so I needed to get going...

I told Studmuffin goodbye and was hollering at the children to please brush their hair before leaving, and was headed out the door when a gigantic sneeze over powered me.

And my button flew off and across the room!

Well, I decided I apparently needed to do garment repair double quick.  I grabbed a spool of black thread and quickly sewed back on the hook, and moved the button over about a quarter of an inch and lo and behold that skirt was loads more comfortable!

I arrived to rehearsal a few minutes late, but praising God that he made sure I sneezed BEFORE I left the house so my button didn't go flying while I was on stage!

Do you know what my coworkers had to say about this story?  Not much, Gentle Reader.  Not much.  They would not believe me that the skirt is a timeless classic.  They were a little horrified that I was wearing a skirt that was fifty (maybe even sixty if I really think about it) years old.

Perhaps that is what motivated me to actually buy new clothes for myself last Friday?

By the way:  My hair was so pitiful today that I actually washed and BLEW IT OUT and then USED THE FLAT IRON!  It took me twenty five minutes just to do my hair.  How do people stand it?  I am so used to just throwing in a little curl cream and letting it air dry as I do various chores.  I think I will have to get my hair cut sometime in the near future. 

My husband stated he loves my hair straight.

"Are you saying you don't like it curly?"

Poor man.  He just can't win.  Regardless, I can barely be bothered to do skin care, so I'm pretty sure my hair will continue to be it's normally wild curly self...

And having straight hair makes me wonder:  How do people with straight hair stand it?  My curly hair stays away from my face and really never touches my skin or face.  My straight hair tickles my neck and is constantly touching my cheeks.  It is driving me CRAZY and my hands are constantly in it...

Yes, I simply MUST schedule a hair cut soon.

And Then I Saw These Shoes...

We are going camping in the near future.

At a lake...

And every year when we go camping my youngest gets her shoes wet.  I know!!  It is shocking.

In the not so distant past she asked me for rain boots.  "She doesn't need rain boots.  It doesn't rain here," her dad stated quite sternly.

Have I ever mentioned that man is the rain on my parade?

Anyway, as I began making my list of camping necessities (last year we forgot our skillet.  Try cooking eggs and bacon with no skillet, I challenge you.  I ended up having to bum my brother's electric skillet off of him...Which if you understood anything at all about my brother you would see the sheer irony in HIM having something that I needed to borrow.)

Did I just digress?  Imagine that!

So, I was making a list.  I made a note that perhaps I should buy socks as Bookworm only has about four pair that fit properly, and there is nothing worse than wet feet...

Which made me wish we had rain boots for the girls...

Which led me to nagging my husband to let me BUY rain boots for the girls...

Which led me to checking out Target.com for boots and Halloween gear...

Which led me to finding Bookworm's Wednesday Addams costume for twelve bucks, and Popcorn's Indian costume for $20...I only needed to spend $18 more to get free shipping...

Of course I decided to throw in two pairs of rain boots.  However, as I went to check out, I realized the boots may not get here in time...

So, I removed the boots from my list and instead ordered Popcorn a super cute pair of winter boots that are only $8 more than I was going to have to pay in shipping if I did not buy them...

Of COURSE I bought them!

Sadly, I sitll did not have rain boots....

I loaded Popcorn in the car and drug her to Goodwill...Where she was horrified at the used shoe smell and racks of clothes organized by color...

Sadly, Goodwill did not have my Morticia costume, or even a black witch dress I could improvise with, and they did not have one single pair of rain boots...

We headed to Target...Except before going into Target I decided to run in to TJ Maxx and see what they had to offer...

No, they did not have rain boots for children.  But they did have a cute sweater dress for Bookworm and a lovely sweater for Popcorn and an adorable black pea coat with hot pink lining for Popcorn!  As she pointed out her current coat is from first grade.  Now that she's in fourth grade, she apparently thinks she needs one that actually reaches past her forearms.  She is just so needy.

We meandered over to the fitting rooms to try on a variety of shirts for Popcorn, and Popcorn was even trying Bookworm's dress to see how it might fit on her sister...

 As you can see, our guess was pretty good!  I think I may have to forbid her wearing it due to she looks entirely too grown up in it!  Of course, if I do perchance crumble and let her wear it, she will be wearing leggings and knee boots.  Which will probably only add to the grown up look, but at least she won't look like she's wearing a mini dress with those long skinny legs!  Can't have my daughter trampin' around at eleven years old, now can we?

We decided on the clothes and as we left my eye caught sight of these:

They were only $49!!!  These Dansko's sell for like $150!  Granted, I'd been saving for a pair of Barefoot Merrel's, but I simply had to buy these! 

And so I did.

Oh, and for anyone who may not realize:  These are for work.  Considering I'm weary of wearing the required navy blue scrubs every. single. day.  I'm quite excited to have something with definite personality to wear! 
  
After splurging on unplanned purchases we dashed on in to Target where I bought the two pairs of rain boots the girls had picked out online...

By the way, did I mention that I was doing all of this on a tight schedule?

Did you know that people tend to spend more and impulse buy more when they are on a tight schedule?

And to think that before I left the house today I was stoked that I was actually going to have cash left in the clothing envelope this month!

Oh, and here's an image of Barefoot Merrells.  Yes, they are purely frivolous.  Which is why I've been yearning but not buying them for nearly a year now.  They look and feel exactly like my high school track shoes...Which is perhaps why I want them, but I'm not really sure I have any glamor associated with track...Click here to read about my illustrious history as a track star.  But, even if you can't be bothered to read about my humiliations, here's a picture of the shoes I'm unsuccessfully saving for!

She Doesn't Want to Dress Like Me.

My oldest is having wardrobe drama.

Popcorn has had wardrobe drama since she was old enough to say "no."  She went through a boy shirt phase.  She always wanted those blue striped boys shirts when she was two.  And I totally let her wear them.  Because what did it matter?  It's just a shirt.  She went through a monochromatic phase between three and four:  Whatever color she was wearing, it had to be that same color head to toe...

That was always interesting.  And really kind of cute.

Once she started she school mixed and matched clothing and came up with some outlandish outfits, and if I pointed out that orange shorts did not match a green shirt and purple socks, she would firmly declare she did not care.   And I would decide I didn't either as long as all necessary parts were covered and send her on her way.  Some of my friends were openly skeptical about that phase.  But, she passed it, and now she is in a trendy/pink/purple/sparkle/ten thousand accessories phase...

But the real point of this post is Bookworm's wardrobe drama.  She has always had one rule about clothing:  People must not notice or comment on what she wears.  A compliment from the "pop peeps" as she calls them meant that she would never wear that particular outfit again.  Because people noticed her, and she didn't like people looking at her...And she also had a stigma that popular people are not nice people, so she refused to be like them.  I assure you, she did not get this stigma from me.  I blame it on her bookwormish tendencies because the popular girls are always vicious in kids books. 

So, yesterday I found her on the living room floor.  Crying.  Because I will not let her wear her Justice shorts because they do not reach her finger tips.  And that is the dress code.  She claims that her arms go clear to her knees, so that rule is clearly unfair to her.  Yes, her arms are long.  So are mine.  She has long legs.  So do I.  It is hard to find shorts that fit her skinny frame that are also to the bottom of her fingertips.  However, there is a dress code.  And while I consider many rules stupid, and don't follow them myself (the speed limit being a prime example), I am making her obey dress code.  Apparently many girls are wearing very short shorts.  I can attest to this, as I've seen it with my own eyes.  But just because they are getting away with breaking the rules doesn't make it right...(insert speed limit comments here.)

Today is "blue out" at school.  This is homecoming week, so there are themes for each day.  I told her to wear her new school shirt (which is blue, duh) that her dad paid an exorbitant amount for, with a pair of capris.  Because her shorts are all in the wash.  She does not want to wear capris.  She wants to wear shorts.

That are too short.

I said, "What is wrong with these capris?  They are cute!  I would totally wear them!"

And to that, Gentle Reader, I'm quite sure she thought to herself "And you are 35 years old and I will not be caught DEAD dressing like you."

Strangely, she still refused to wear them.

So, I convinced her to wear a pair of shorts that I bought at a garage sale that are size 00 and too big in the waist for her.  I made her put on  a belt, did the experimental attempt to pull them off and declared them good.  And, just for good measure I pointed out that they are shorts from a very trendy store which means the original owner paid entirely too much for them, so she can go to school proudly in her name brand shorts, her over priced tee, and feathers in her hair and call herself cute.

And get over it if anyone comments on how cute she looks.

We start our basketball season today. I can hardly wait. We also have tickets to the Thunder game tonight. Woot! Woot!

I am still in my pajamas.

It is 11am.

My Christmas tree is mocking me. I choose to ignore such mockery...I will shove it in a box soon, and that will be that...

Someday.

I got a new green purse last night. I heart new purses. Bookworm immediately swooped in and grabbed my old red one....What sort of purse do you carry? Is it a clutch or more of a satchel? Is it traditional and goes well with everything? Does it make a statement, or does it just quietly serve a purpose?

I feel a purse should make a statement. My favorite purses have been red, green, and yellow. Purses must also be relatively inexpensive so I can replace it on a moments notice with no guilt over the price tag. This one was a mere $19.99 at Target. Purses must be large enough to carry my entire life in, including my Nook. I have discovered my Nook needs to go nearly everywhere with me. I just started the Count of Monte Cristo. Do you realize it is over 3000 pages? That does not bode well for me...I have a short attention span. And I would never have finished it in the hard copy form, as I refuse to read books that make my arms tired. Are you shocked at my level of laziness?

Bookworm bought an accessory last night. This is a momentous occasion. She never wears anything that draws attention to her. She bought it at a kiosk in the mall, walked to a trash can, took it off it's cardboard and immediately slid it in here hair. Yes, I could have made it for 99 cents, but this is such a huge step toward growing up, that I let her buy it and wiped a tear from my eye...I fear boys are only a few steps behind! But hopefully not.



Popcorn had a gift card burning a hole in her little pocket, and she chose some accessories of her own from Claire's. She has always been the queen of accessories: Earrings, hats, scarves, bracelets, but I thought this hat and bottle cap necklace were just too precious.



And yes, I just walked in their rooms, snapped a picture and dumped it onto this here blog with no editing or multiple shots...

Isn't it great how I can't even be bothered to artfully arrange my purse, but instead just take a picture of it where it landed on the hearth? And isn't that feed scoop next to it awesome? It's tough saying which I love more! And, it is laying right where I dumped it when I carried it home. I knew I wanted it, but had no idea what to do with it, plopped it down there, and there it has stayed...

Again, please do not take examples from my laziness.

Now, I'm off to finally drink a cup of coffee today, and feed my family a quick lunch before we have to head to the gym for games...

Oh, and I'm still resolutionless, and I really don't see that changing any time soon! What about you?

Purse style, and resolutions. These are the burning questions in my brain this morning.

I'm Going with Flattered.

My friend Amy took my Slovenly post to heart.

What a gal.

What a pal.

She nominated me for What Not to Wear.

WHAT???

Well. Apparently you can go 10 years without seeing a person, and still be able to nominate them from the show.

Quite successfully.

Don't you need secret video or photos or some such folderol?

I asked her if I'm supposed to be horrified or flattered.

Since it comes with a five thousand dollar shopping spree if I'm selected, I decided to go with flattered.

However, after reviewing the photos she attached, I'm ashamed.

HORRIFIED.

She got all except one photo for her nomination from my very own blog.

Dadgummit.

Well! I decided to copy and post her email, which she forwarded to me, so that you could see the level of horrification that I now have.

Don't you love when I totally make up words? I should have said mortification. But, I think if you all join with me, horrification will totally be added to Webster's right along with defriend from facebook!

Anyhoo, here's her email:

To Whom It May Concern,

Below is a blog link about my friend Andrea - aka- Andi. Andi and I grew up together and graduated from Laverne High School, Laverne, Oklahoma in 1994. As a doting mother and fabulous nurse she neglects herself and is in dire need of some assistance. I am using her recent blog post as evidence of such circumstances.

Here is the link: http://andi-rambling.blogspot.com/2010/05/slovenly.html


I just read her post and thought, I absolutely must nominate Andi. She, like me, rarely shops and tends to wear clothes that are "hand-me ups". Her focus is her family, her job and her home all the while her waredrobe is suffering substantially.

Can you help her? Better yet, please help her. I have attached photos for visual reference. I have also attached a photo of Andi and I in our show choir uniforms, 1992.

Here is her contact information.

Removed for privacy



Age: 34



Height: 5' 9" Good guess. I'm really 5'7"



Weight: Removed for my own pride. And cause she underguessed it. Bless her heart.



Occupation: RN



Marital Status: Married



Two Children



Personality: Warm, Caring, Energetic,



Her Style: Used and noncomplementary



See her post regarding her style at: http://andi-rambling.blogspot.com/2010/05/slovenly.html





My contact information is as follows:



Removed for privacy



I am pleading, please help my friend, Andrea Rambler embrace her outer beauty so it works in harmony with the inner beauty we all know and love.



Kind Regards,



Amy


Since I've already shared them with you, I guess I'll review with you the humiliating evidence.

Let's begin with this picture. Other than the obvious problem of an angel sprouting from my head, I don't see the problem.

Unless you count that the shirt is the only thing I purchased myself.

I get lots of compliments on those shoes. I admit they look grandmotherly-ish in this photo, but I'm sure it's the photo, not the shoes. Right? Surely people wouldn't comment at all if they were awful.

Or would they?

I'm confused.

But that skirt is a classic. It is a hand me down from my grandmother. No kidding. It went from her to Dawn, then Paula, and now me. It's still in perfect condition, and it cost a fortune when it was new! So, what is wrong with it? I don't know.

I'm still confused.

Okay, now this photo is a no brainer. Those pants are a good 9 years old. They have holes and paint splatters. Half the back pocket is torn off.

But I love them.

If Clinton & Stacey try to take them, I will have to weep.

And, perhaps the smashed boob sports bra look with the tight long sleeve tee is not the best look for me.

Perhaps I will agree whole heartedly with the use of this photo in said nomination.

There. I concede total defeat on this picture.

But this photo?

Come on!

What could possibly be wrong with this picture?

Do I not look outdoorsy and ready to tackle the Grand Canyon in all it's grand-ness?

Have you heard of people dying from heat stroke in the canyon? The hat is a necessity!

It is cool on the rim, so the jacket is a necessity, and it's lightweight so I could shed it easily and stuff in my backpack for the hike!

Aaaaand, for your information, I still own and wear those shorts! From 2006!

What could possibly be wrong with any tiny part of this outfit!?

Apparently, I'm very challenged indeed, if I don't understand the problem! I'm sure to be a shoo in at this rate!

Now, if she had chosen to use this outfit, I totally would get it.

But, that was all done in the name of creativity.

And laughter.

Okay, and maybe a smidgen of shamelessness.

Please, go read this post if you've somehow missed it. I beg of you.

Click. I know you are tired of my rambliness, and want to move on, but just do it, Okay?

Thank you.

The End.

Slovenly

That's what I am.

I sit here typing this post in my hand me down shorts with the word Sooner written across the derriere (cuz I'm so classy) and a red tank top that's at least 3 years old. No make up. Hair in pony tail.

I wonder why my kids dress sloppy, in t-shirts with holes and prefer to wear cut off jeans to new shorts?

Wednesday, the big storm day, I had lots to do.

I had to take the dogs to the vet, meet with the roofer, do housework, go to the store, pay bills, chat with my mother in law, who is still cooped up in the hospital most of the time with my father in law. (He's improving, but I know she enjoys a new face to chat with. At least that's what I tell myself as I talk her ear off.) And, Studmuffin asked me to mow the lawn.

Did you know I literally broke into the "Hallelujah Chorus" when it started raining around 8:30 am?

And, I had to be at an awards assembly at 1:30.

In all my plans for the day, I paid no attention to what Popcorn put on.

I was slightly dismayed to see her in cut offs and an old school t shirt with her hair in a messy pony tail. I told myself it didn't matter. She's in second grade. She just wants to be comfy and have fun...

Because, clearly, you can't look cute and be comfy and have fun.

Please do not disabuse me of my notions.

Then, I noticed all the kids around her in obviously spanking new outfits. I was sitting between two "have it all together" mom's from church. They both talked about how they pick out all of their kids clothes.

Confession: I haven't dressed my kids since they were about three.

I wish I could say I was lying.

But I'm not.

Then, April decided to take pictures of DeDe and I, since her flash was giving her trouble.

It was at this exact moment that I realized something.

In all of my scrambling to scratch everything off of my to do list, I hadn't showered. I had on not one scrap of makeup. My hair was in a messy unwashed pony tail. I just noticed dog hair all over my shirt. I was wearing a tank top and shorts that my sister Dawn bullied me into buying the summer we moved into this house. That would be the summer of 2008. The tank top is egg plant purple. I think I got it from Walmart. The shorts are navy blue from American Eagle, and we had went to buy my nieces clothes. Dawn made me try some on, and I left with two pairs of shorts.

I have not bought any shorts since.

However, I have gotten two "new" pairs of shorts as hand me ups from my niece Sarah.

The question for you, Gentle Reader is this: Why are my children such sloppy dressers?

And, yet another question of perhaps higher importance is this: How does one get on the show "What Not to Wear?"

And, can my fragile ego withstand the humiliation of a nomination and acceptance to the show?

Flip Flop Wars

Popcorn has a flip-flop habit.

It actually started at a very early age...

When she was about four she would insist on wearing flip flops everywhere. One day I was to take her to her daycare, since I had to go to work for some training. Normally her daddy took her to daycare, and picked her up, since daycare is not open for 14 hours at a stretch.

Anyway, her sister was at school, and it was time for Popcorn to get her shoes on so we could go...

She showed up in a pair of Strawberry Shortcake flip flops. Yes, I remember the pair...

Me: You can't wear those to school. You will get stickers in your feet, and it is against the rules.

Popcorn: I want to wear these. Other kids wear sandals and flip flops! I AM wearing these!

Me: Other kids do not have me for a mommy. The rules for daycare are no open toed shoes, and no boots. Go put your tennis shoes on.

Popcorn: I HATE tennis shoes! I want to wear flip flops! (She is stomping into her bedroom.) When I am a mommy, I will NEVER let my kids even own flip flops! NEVER! They will only wear tennis shoes. My kids will never wear flip flops....

And she took off her flip flops and threw them across the room, put on her shoes and stomped out the door...

Gentle Reader, we pause in this post to bring you a reminder of how Popcorn thinks "A Great Mommy" will be. Please, please click here to read all about that....

I know you haven't clicked it yet...

Could you just humor me here? Click!

Clickety, click click!!!

Oh, I give up....Returning to this post...


She still loves sandals and flip flops. She claims her feet get claustrophobic (hot and squeezed) in tennis shoes. She begs to wear sandals. She begs to wear flip flops.

At our school here in Oklahoma, they are allowed to wear anything to school as long as they have something to change into for P.E.

I, being stubborn, disagree with this rule. I think she needs shoes that offer protection on. I think she needs to wear a shoe that completely covers her foot. Even if she can change for P.E., what a hassle for the teacher to wait for everyone to change shoes before they begin...

Today she offered a compromise:

She would wear tennis shoes, but pack flip flops to change into after P.E.

For a minute, I was stumped on how to handle this, but then a revelation came to me. I played my trump card.

Me: Do you think Daddy wants you to wear flip flops to school?

P: No. (said in a mumbling whisper)

Me: Do you think he would be irritated if he found out you wore them to school?

P: Yes. (again, mumbling and now shuffling feet)

Me: Do you think you should just wear tennis shoes all day?

P: (with a big sigh) Yes.

And, she went off to school.

But, I did spy a pair of these in the floor of the back seat....





Now, I'm not saying she was contemplating wearing them anyway, they could have been there for days, and I just noticed them.

But, it still gave me a chuckle when I saw them.

P.S. My girls have been using my camera. Isn't it amazing how beautiful weeds can look? Welcome, Spring!!!

I may need to rethink this...

So, many of you know, because my sister is a big fat bloghead, and she spilled the beans, that we are going to go the cash system for a few months. Of course, she wasn't excited about that, she was excited about the possibility of a trip to Europe. She is also 45 years old today, and I would like to tell her happy birthday. So, there you go. Happy birthday Dawn!

Anyhoo, we're going with the cash system in a Dave Ramsey-ish style without ever actually cracking a single Dave Ramsey book or taking a single Dave Ramsey class. I have read a few Dave Ramsey columns, so I'm pretty sure I'm an expert now. Here's the deal...Any time change comes my way, or change is a brewin', I start feeling out of control. I start feeling the need to get a grasp on something I can control absolutely. And that usually turns out to be our finances. Now, I think we do a pretty good job financially, we have only a car debt and a house payment. However, I know that there are areas where we are wasteful (Dave Ramsey would have told us to pay cash for the car... Told you I'm an expert!)



When we moved to Oklahoma I made a giant spreadsheet budget with Studmuffin's help. I'm not one to generate a spreadsheet. I tend to write endless figures on scratch papers and never get any of them to match up, and then freak out because no matter what I do, it doesn't add up. So, he will swoop in, create a spread sheet, then walk away. Then I will spend the next week agonizing over it, and trying to get as exact a number as possible in every category of expense, then drag him back over to look at it, where he will agree that it looks about right. Of course, he doesn't pay the bills. And he doesn't look at our budget on Quicken Online, or even our bank statement. He doesn't even know how to do any of that. But, he can create a mean spreadsheet people! So, we created a spreadsheet, developed a budget, and no matter how I scrimped, saved and scavenged spare change off of the sidewalk, we could not stay out of the red. Of course, at that time, we were supporting 2 households, one in Texas and one in Oklahoma, and I wasn't working, so really balancing the budget was nigh impossible. Don't you love the word nigh? Try it in your everyday conversation. People will look at you funny, but I'm sure it is with a sense of awe at your vocabulary!


Well, now that I'm being faced with the possibility of another move, I'm getting stressed, so of course I'm freaking out about money. So, we mutually decided to go to the cash system. Here's how it works: We sat down and generated a sum that we felt we spend each month in certain areas like groceries, clothing, dining, home maintenance etc. Then, we discussed how much we should actually spend. Remember, I already do tracking of our finances, but I think that seeing the green pass through my hands will have an impact on what I spend where. Then, last week I went and got the cash, bought a coupon organizer and labeled the various areas, then divided up the money. We decided to do our spending on a monthly basis. For example, we won't need as much money later on for clothes as we do for back to school. Plus, once school starts babysitting expenses will change. Of course, we will be endlessly sending money to school for field trips, lunches, fundraisers, etc. So, I'm keeping a list for each month of how much we spend in each area. Oh! And here's a big rule! No robbing from one envelope to cover overspending in another. You will never get it all balanced out that way! Another great thing about this, is it will curb impulse buying. Obviously we won't carry all of that money around. I only have with me what I plan to spend. Of course, I still have a debit card, so if an emergency arises I can use it. However, if it's not an emergency, and I don't have the cash on hand, and it's not in the budget, I can't buy it. Can't you see the beauty of this system already? I know I'm weird, but for some reason knowing where every nickel and dime went gets my giddy....

Today was the first test. I had to go with Studmuffin to the orthopedist about his shoulder. There is a grocery store, Target, and Rack Room Shoes nearby. I had seen where shoes were buy one get one half off. The girls both need shoes for school. Also, I needed groceries. Of course, the dad gum shoe store wasn't open until 10, and we got out of the doctor's at 9:15. I made the terrible, terrible decision to go into Target to kill some time. $85 later I walked out of Target with one swimsuit, 2 scooters (the skirts, not the toys) and 7 shirts. Now, we had budgeted money for back to school clothes. However, I had originally planned on getting them at the outlet mall in Hillsboro on our way to New Braunfels. Woops.



Okay. The shoe store was finally open. Well, we had already told the girls they could pick out 2 pairs of shoes each. One pair of athletic shoes and one pair of fun shoes. They each left with one pair of Nikes and one pair of Converse. Now, many of you may think I could just get them shoes at Walmart, Target, Payless, whatever. Well, my kids both have really skinny feet. I have a hard time finding shoes narrow enough for them, and cheap shoes are for some reason much wider than name brand, and they fall apart twice as fast. Popcorn got a pair of shoes at Payless last spring because she outgrew her old Nikes. They are already falling apart, and she wore them for the end of school and then only maybe five times this summer. Plus, they were only $10 cheaper than Nikes. That equals a big fat waste of money in my mind! So, $104 later we have shoes for school.

And now I only have $10 left in their clothing budget for the rest of the month.

Dang.

Well, so much for buying clothes on our way to New Braunfels.

Plus, since I'm creating my own system here, I'm not sure how vacation works. Obviously we will spend more than the normal monthly budget on dining because we won't be home. I think we will just use our debit card like we would have in the past, and not stress about that part.

Well, if that isn't enough info to make your brain tired, I don't know what is!

Studmuffin living dangerously....

I bought 2 new swimsuits. The suits I had were officially worn out to the point that I couldn't even wear them in my own back yard. I thought the one I bought 3 summers ago was still okay until Studmuffin kept asking me to grab stuff for him in the boat...

He had a strange smirk on his face...

I realized the elastic was shot in my top and he was getting a view every time I bent forward...

MEN!!!

So. I went and bought 2 new suits. One is a tank top and skirt. The other is a tank top and board shorts. Stufmuffin asked me if I bought anything "sexy."

Ummm...Does this man know me at all? I am not baring my white belly for anyone. Plus on the boat I need to feel well covered and know that nothing will fall out or off out on the water. Plus I need to be a good example for the girls... And, in all honesty, my tank tops and gym shorts have always bared more than any bathing suit I own. That's just the way I am....I'm a white girl, and nobody wants to see that much white skin unless it's very firm, with no dimplage or stretch marks, and I have an abundance of both...

So, I showed him my new suits.

His comment: Those look like appropriate suits for a 30 something mom.

Okay. So they are. But when he says it that way, I totally felt like an old frump. Men. Sometimes they should just stick with "You look very pretty in that." There is no way to misconstrue that...Unless it's "You mean I don't always look pretty?" But, I would never be that manipulative...

Unless I just felt the need to pick on him!

How to Patch Jeans

Popcorn has worn the right knee out of all but 2 pairs of jeans. At first, I was ignoring it...You know, small holes are easy to ignore...But, then they became large holes, and that was NOT so easy to ignore. I commented on it to my mom a few times in hopes that she would offer to get in the car, come to my house and patch them. She didn't take the hint.

Okay, I'm going to digress here for a minute. I used to pretend I liked to sew. I thought it was something I needed to be able to do and do well in order to be a good mommy. You see, my mommy sewed, and she was a great mommy. My oldest sister sewed for her kids and she is a wonderful mommy. Therefore, I thought I needed to sew in order to be a wonderful mommy. (BTW, my other sister is a wonderful mommy too, but her kids are the same age as mine, so she didn't give me any preconceived notions of how mommies should be. Don't you wish she'd get a blog so you could learn about all of the wonderfulness of her family? Me too.) So, I had this idea I should sew.

A few things anyone who doesn't know about sewing might want to know in order to understand the complete LAUGHABILITY (hey, I made up a new word! And it works so well!) of me enjoying sewing. Did you know sewing requires patience? Did you know that it requires precision, and attention to detail? Did you know that I DO NOT in any way, shape or form enjoy any of these things?

So, now I'm liberated. I realize I do not enjoy sewing and I refuse to feel guilty about it. I enjoy other things...Things that give me instant gratification, require little patience, and can usually be eaten. My children appreciate this, believe me. We love cooking in this house.

Wednesday I gave up on my mom patching Popcorn's jeans. I considered buying new jeans. That seems so pointless. The next size up is too big. Her current size is really almost too small. I threw that idea out the window.

I came up with a wonderful system for patching jeans. Would you like to learn? GREAT!!! I knew you would.

How to Patch Your Child's Jeans Because You Are Too Tight to Buy New Ones

1. Try to convince your mother to patch them for you. She will do it properly. It will last. AND, this is easier for you.
   
2. After this fails, go to Walmart.
3. Find the perfect mirrors for your master bath for $29. Buy 2 with the Christmas money you've been saving.
4. Find a cute warm up suit. The bottoms are 9 bucks, as well as the matching jacket. You've been needing new workout gear since yours is circa before two kids. Buy these with your Christmas money as well.
5. Do a happy little jig because this year you refused to buy groceries with your share of the cash. Try to ignore the jiggly you notice with the jig. That's what #4 is for.
   
6. Buy some grapefruit. They've been really good this year! (Maybe it will help with #5?)
   
7. Finally make your way to the sewing notions (after looking at some lipstick, then giving up because they no longer make the color you used to wear, yet you continue to carry the empty tube to, just in case you can find it and can't remember the name.)
8. Find the wonderfully simple fabric glue. Throw this in your cart. Unfortunately you will end up using Christmas money for all of the purchases, because it's too much hassle to separate out "yours" and "the family's" stuff.
9. Go home......Obviously!!!
10. Check your blog.
11. Look at the jeans you need to patch. Cut off the excess thread.
12. Vacuum your floors. This is suddenly VITALLY important, and you must do it now!
13. Find an old pair of jeans that neither kid can fit in, already has stains and has been previously patched (by the mother who now seems unable to patch jeans, even though she is 400 miles closer.) These will make perfect patches!
14. Decide you better sort through those bills and make sure they're all caught up! You would hate to lead your family into debt because you were so wrapped up in patching jeans you forgot to pay them!
15. What sort of patch will you make? Hearts? Flowers? Stars? Will you use the fabric paint that you found in your closet, yet have no idea where it came from? This is all so much to think about. You may decide this needs some extra thought. Maybe even stimulants.
    
16. Brew a pot of coffee....The better to think with.
17. Hey! All Star Workouts is on! Better get that new warm up suit on and give it a try!
    
18. Back to the jeans...Hold the heart you have cut out to the knee of your pants. This may look a little obvious. So, you may need to cut out additional cute little hearts to trail down the opposite leg so that it looks more natural.
19. Maybe at this point it's time to call your best friend in Arlington. Sadly, you've been playing phone tag with her since after Christmas, but today you may actually catch her and hear all about her precious boys and the joys of potty training child #3.
20. At last it is time to glue your patch in place. The glue is water soluble until dry, and the jeans should not be washed for 24 hours. It's also fun to apply some fabric glitter glue at this stage to jazz things up a bit.
    

Now it's time to show your child their wonderful patched pants and bask in the joy and adoration of your youngest child who is never ready to part with her clothes...Especially because parting with clothes means replacing them, and that means shopping...a chore she enjoys as much as you enjoy sewing.

Now. Wasn't that fun?