Monday, August 23, 2010

Saturday Morning

Saturday morning, my oldest looked like this by 6:30 in the morning...
I tried not to be bitter, but since when did she need to look so grown up? She went fishing with her dad. Did you know she got tackle for her birthday? Much to my surprise, she was disappointed in her lack of crank bait, and also concerned that whatever she had did not dive below 3 feet, when according to the fish finder the fish were around 8 feet, so she had to borrow some of her father's. She plans to use some of her birthday money to stock up on tackle.... WHAT??? I fear they speak a language I know nothing about.
But I'm okay with that.

This fellow dashed in the door as they were leaving. Apparently he needed a break from his life as an outdoor cat. Judging by the scratch on his nose he had a little "encounter" recently with the gray cat. I hadn't seen the gray tom cat that was terrorizing him since I sicked Kelsey on him a few weeks ago. In hindsight, it was funny, although at the time I thought I was on the verge of witnessing a blood bath, and I really wasn't up for it...
I was in the backyard, and Kelsey was at the front gate raising a ruckus. I went to see what the problem was. I didn't want to turn her loose on whatever she was wanting after in case it was not the annoying stray, but a pole cat instead. Well, as soon as I saw the gray cat, I opened the gate, and yelled "get it Kelsey!"
She tore after that cat like nobody's business.

And chased it right onto my favorite neighbor, Rebel's porch. (Um, no he is not really my favorite neighbor. His name says it all.) I had a moment of qualm for fear Kelsey would actually corner the cat on his porch and kill it...Thankfully, the cat zigged and Kelsey zagged and tore off in between some houses, and I haven't seen hide nor hair of him since...

But, apparently Oliver has.
Poor flufferpotomus.

Well, I headed out to start some water on the wilderness that is my garden, and this sight met my eyes.
If you aren't an early riser, Gentle Reader, you should consider it. If for no other reason than you get to see this every morning.

Isn't God good?

Oh, and you really should check out the link I placed for your reading enjoyment. Y'know. Just in case you forgot about Kelsey's amazing hunting skills and all.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

So I Finally Identified that Mysterious Spider...

It's a Trap Door Spider!!!

I know, some of you have no idea what I'm talking about. So, I will again, for your reading pleasure copy and paste (again, because I myself tend to not click on links, I assume the same of you, Gentle Reader) a previous post circa March 29, 2009:


Hale the Conquering Hero: continued

Caution: If you did not read my previous post, you may want to do so now, in order to have a clear picture. Click here, to read it.

Fast forward 8 years. I am now the mother of a 23 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. The month is November. How can I remember the time so clearly? Well, you see, I know we had recently celebrated Halloween, because my children were in love with all things scary.

"Spider, Mommy! Spider!" They sing-song in their high pitched little girl voices. I was in the kitchen.

"Yep! Spiders! We love spiders! What kind of spider do you have?" You understand, of course, I was merely humoring the little tykes while I did my very important mommy things...

"NO Mommy! A real big spider! On the window!" Again, this announcement is said gleefully.

"Just a minute! I'm busy. I'll come see you're 'real' spider in a minute!" I chuckled and shook my head...Oh those kids and their imaginations....

I finished my task, walked in my living room, and to my horror, on the front bay window is the biggest, scariest spider I've ever seen in my life! Picture a spider as big as a tarantula, but it's NOT a tarantula. It's black. And it's not hairy, like you'd think. Nope, it's smooth, like a black widow, but again it's entirely too humongous to be a black widow. And it's in my house. On my window. In my living room. Actually, on the window isn't exactly right. It was on my sheers on the window side. I was in a panic. There was a giant, killer spider in my house. What was I going to do? I had to protect my children. Their safety was in my hands. I did what any sane, responsible mother of 2 small defenseless children would do.

I called their father.

"Studmuffin? I need you to come home. Now. There's an emergency."

"What's the matter?" His voice echoes concern. I know he's coming to save me. I can feel the relief begin to flow through my veins.

"There is s giant spider in the house. I need you to come home, right now, and kill it!"

"You want me to come home. To kill a spider."

"Yes to kill a spider! It's a giant spider! I told you, it's an emergency! Come. Home. Now." My voice raised a few decibels by this point.

"Babe, I'm not leaving work to kill a spider. You have to take care of it."

"B-b-b-but, it's a big spider. It's scary. I can't kill it. I need you to come home. Now." The girls are now dancing around and singing "Kill the spider Mommy! You can do it! Kill it! Yeah!"

"You have to kill it. I'm not leaving work."

"But, what if it gets one of the girls before I can kill it?"

*Sigh* "It's not going to get one of the girls. If you're worried about the girls, send them upstairs, and put the gate up so they can't come down."

"Okay. But I really think you should come home and kill it. That's your job you know." What the heck kind of man did I marry? Where's my knight in shining armor?

"No. My job is here. You can do this. Just calm down. Now, just take a newspaper, and whack the spider." Heartless. That's what he is...Utterly and completely heartless.

"I can't. The spider will get guts all over my drapes. I need you to come home and get the spider down from the drapes and kill it."

"No. Here's what you're going to do. Get a plastic pitcher. Put it around the spider, then take a newspaper and whack the spider into the pitcher. Then, the spider will be in the pitcher."

"But, what if the spider jumps out? Then it will bite me, and I will die, and the girls will not have a mother to raise them, and it will be all your fault because I need you to come home. And kill this spider. NOW."

"I'm not coming home. Once you knock the spider into the pitcher, carry it to the door, shaking the pitcher the entire way so the spider will be unable to jump out." I can tell his resolve his very firm. He is not going to come home and save me...His fair damsel in distress.

"Okay. I can do this." *sniffle* "If I must..."

I did as he instructed. He was still on the phone with me. At this point everyone in his office had joined into listening to his end of the conversation, shocked, I'm sure, at his utter lack of compassion for me, and his refusal to do his duty as my husband and come rescue me from the giant killer spider.

I took the pitcher. I squealed as I put it around the spider. I took a newspaper and whacked the spider. Nothing happened. The spider is now trapped in my pitcher, still clinging to the sheer with it's sticky feet (duh) and it is now angry....Plotting it's vengeance on me...I began to weep. The girls were still upstairs, cheering and clapping for me. "You can do it Mommy! Yeah, Mommy! Kill the spider!"

"It's still on the drape! It didn't move, and now it's angry, and it is going to kill me! Come home! Save me!!!"

"Honey. Calm down. Take the pitcher and scrape it down the drape, knocking the spider loose, into your pitcher. Then, you will take the pitcher, with the spider in it, and run to the door, shaking the pitcher so the spider will be unable to jump out and eat you." I sensed a certain amount of exasperation and patronization in his tone.....

Okay. I'm starting to get the idea that he thinks I'm being a tad ridiculous. Does he not realize the monstrous creature that has invaded our home, my sanctuary, and is threatening the very safety of my children and me?

I beg him to come home and help. He is firm. I must deal with this myself. Giving up on him having even small shred of decency, I did as he instructed. Only, to my utter horror, I neglected to hold the drape taut as I scraped the pitcher down, and the spider fell to the floor. I screamed a blood curdling scream, jumped approximately 3 feet in the air, and dropped the pitcher.

Now, Gentle Reader, here is where the hand of God came into play. The pitcher fell down on top of the spider, trapping the spider under it. I was safe! The spider was trapped! I was not going to die a horrible painful death by spider bite! I began to cheer with relief and joy. The girls started jumping up and down, clapping their hands for their mommy.

"I got it! I trapped the spider under the pitcher on the floor! I'm leaving it there until you get home tonight."

"What?! No you are not. You will kill the spider. You can do this."

"No. I can't. Please come home. Please. Please....."

Well, I eventually gave in. I got a shoe, the biggest shoe I could find, and began my attack. Studmuffin remained on the phone. I picked up the pitcher and let out a blood curdling scream as I brought the shoe down on the spider.

"Did you kill it?"

"I don't know...."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I'm afraid to lift the shoe."

"Oh good grief. Pick up the shoe, clean up the spider, and get hold of yourself."

I ground the shoe into the floor with all my might. There was very little evidence that the giant spider ever existed other than the tiny bits of spider legs and exoskeleton by the time I was finished with that thing.

And my blood curdling scream? Well, I finally realized why the Indians let out war whoops as they went into battle. It was out of sheer terror, and determination that they would be victorious over their enemies....Their enemy was white man, mine was the killer spider. Yep, I am way more understanding of the Native American experience after my conflict with the spider.......

My children cheered and cheered for me. I was the hero of the day. I killed the monstrous spider. All by myself. No thanks to Studmuffin.

Now. Aren't you glad that I'm completely dry on blog topics, so you can have nightmares about finding THAT spider in your house tonight?

You're welcome!

Oh, and if you want to learn all about trap door spiders, just click here. Hey, aren't you glad I'm such a fount of information?!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

My Super Secret Recipe for Yogurt Cookies

Okay, we will start this post with a disclaimer: This recipe was born out of boredom and desperation for cookies...It is altered from an original recipe I received from a lovely woman I knew through the local used book store in Texas...I will place the original ingredients in italics out to the side, so you can do a taste test, if that floats your boat.

Yogurt Cookies

1 1/2 c sugar
2 c low fat raspberry yogurt (1 c crisco, 1 c plain yogurt & it says specifically not to use low fat or flavored)
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
4 c flour
1 tsp soda
1 tsp salt

Mix first 4 ingredients. Mix together dry ingredients and add to sugar mixture. Drop onto ungreased cookie sheet and bake at 350 until done, or about 10 minutes, depending on how big you make your cookies!

Softened butter ( 1 1/2 sticks)
powdered sugar (7c)
vanilla (1 Tbsp)
sprinkle of salt

Confession: Will you think less of me to learn that I never measure ingredients for icing? I just sort of mix and guesstimate until it is the right consistency/flavor for me...

Again, these cookies came out a tad spongy, but they are delicious and different nonetheless. Perfect for a cookie craving fit with only 3/4 stick of butter and no crisco to be seen in the house!

Friday, August 20, 2010

First Day of School

No, no, no! not this one! She is still in her jammies, staying home with me! The good news: She has been fever free since Wednesday about noon...Can I get a Woot! Woot!

This one is in the big 5th grade this year. I can't believe it! Oh, and she's currently mad at me for not already having her at school...Even though the doors don't even open for another 20 minutes. So, yes, I will will embrace the drama.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Living Dangerously

My mom came and took care of me this week...

Isn't it great when your mom is around and you can totally revert to childhood, and foist all responsibility on her?

Let's have a moment of silence for mom's who inconvenience their lives for their children....

Moving on: Mom liked to live dangerously at our house. Strangely, she did not realize the danger she was in at the time, and had the nerve to blow it off when I confronted her with it later on....Apparently, because she's "still my mother and I better not act that way around her..."

I woke up at my usual time Monday morning. That is to say, my alarm went off at 5am and I hit snooze until about 5:20, then rolled out of bed, did my morning ablutions which include, a potty break (of course) washing my face with hot water, eye drops (why do my eyes feel like sand paper when I wake up?) and slapping some Olay Complete lotion on, a few swipes of mascara, and then dragging on a pair of scrubs...

I then wandered into the living room toward the kitchen, and my morning coffee.

My mom was awake.

I was shocked, but not really. I mean, she always woke up early when I was growing up. I learned to get up early from her. If a body needs to be alone in the morning, you better get up early to do it...

This is a dilemma! Two people who get up early to avoid being around other people when they first get up!!!!

I sensed this was a possibly dangerous combination. Especially when you consider that my little family realizes to not speak to me until I speak to them...That is, if they want to be ensured a pleasant response...

So, I said, "Good morning! Did you sleep well?"

And, did not wait for a response but went directly to the coffee pot and hit the start button, then poured myself some Grape Nuts (try them with honey and cinnamon, heated in the microwave about a minute, you will thank me for it), then grabbed my Bible and sat down to read, eat my meal, and drink my coffee and requisite 20 ounce glass of Braum's rBGH free skim milk and hoped she took the hint.

Thankfully, she did.

Of course, as soon as I felt human, I began to chatter like the magpie that I am, and did not give the woman a moment of peace, because I got to leave for work, and both kids were awake by the time I left at around 6:50.

All day I fretted about the morning thing.

silly, I know, but I was really, REALLY grateful Mom had come to watch the girls so I could work while one is sick. I would just feel awful if I let the beast loose and said rude, hurtful things in the mornings to her.

THEN on Monday night I took my normal walk with my friend Sandy. I came home, stretched, and then stretched out on the couch to watch TV...And fell asleep.

Now, before I was actually asleep, Mom asked me, "Andrea, do you need to go to bed?"

"NO." I said. Because I didn't WANT to go to bed. My back has been aching, and the couch is the perfect support for em to curl up against and get relief...

Then, she had the shear nerve to kiss me goodnight as she headed off to bed!!!

DOES THIS WOMAN NOT KNOW ME AT ALL??? Does she not realize the danger she places herself in to lean in close and give me a hug and kiss me goodnight? Did she not raise me for 18 years? Does she not remember that Dad banned me from the breakfast table in my teen years because he didn't like me ruining his day with my crappy attitude?

As it turns out, no.

She does not remember that at all.


I guess she really does choose to not remember the bad things.

Because, I guarantee you the rest of the family remembers it.

Even my in-laws remember it.
One time my brother in law Loren made a comment about how chipper I looked as I was pouring myself some coffee. I distinctly remember glaring at him. He made another comment (Loren is really good at comments, especially goading ones). I used all of my willpower not to just tell him to SHUT. UP. And I left the kitchen...

And we laughed about it later.

But he's never forgotten it.

But, apparently my mom has chosen to.

Speaking of living dangerously:

I've been stressed lately. Sick kids. Short staffed at work. Leaving my coworkers even more short to be home with my kids. Being informed I have 5 unscheduled absences on my record at work, and counseling occurs after four, and I should apply for FMLA to protect my job and any disciplinary measures that may result due to additional absences I may have due to the fact that the sick one will have a compromised immune system for a period...Then finding out I am short about 40 hours annually of qualifying for FMLA...

Everyone has different ways of dealing with stress.

You know those people who can't eat when they're worried?


I drink cups and cups and cups of coffee.
I bake cookies.
I eat cookies.
I bake and eat brownies.
I eat entire jars of salsa. In one setting.
I get tension in my shoulders and neck that hurt so bad I don't want to hold my head up. So I lie down on the couch. And I take an unplanned 2 hour nap.
And then I can't sleep at night...
So, I'm tired...
So I drink cups and cups and cups of coffee...

In short: If I don't put on 30 pounds before this is all said and done, it will NOT be because I haven't made poor decisions!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Conversation About School...

Child: Mom, are you sure I can't go to the first day of school?

Me: Yes, you have to be fever free 48 hours, then your doctor STILL has to release you to return to school.

Child: I really want to go to the first day of school.

Me: Why? You hate school. You beg to be homeschooled. You've been whining that school is going to start!

Child: Well, I only like the first and last day of school, and I don't want to miss one of the two days I like!!!

Attention: This particular child flat out lied to her new teacher, who was so kind to schedule a one on one "Meet the Teacher" since we were unable to attend the regular one, due to the illness...

She claimed to love school....

I guess it doesn't hurt to start out on her good side!

Oh, and since I realize none of you (okay, maybe one of you) will click on the link above about home school, I decided to copy and paste the post from the past!!! (Umm, that would be April of 2009.)

So, for your reading enjoyment, Gentle Reader....

Popcorn and I were in the car by ourselves this evening. We drove by this beautiful house that makes me covet, covet, covet every time I drive by it. It's a 2 story white house with black shutters and a wrap around porch. It's beautiful. Popcorn agrees. She always says she wishes we could live there.

"Maybe you could live in a house like that when you grow up," I said.

"Yep. I'm going to live in a big house like that and I'm going to home school my kids" she announced.

"That's great!" Aarf. I thought we were through with this topic....

"I will be a wonderful mommy. Whatever my kids like the most, I will buy them for their birthday. And at Christmas I will get them more than 2 toys. I will buy them toys all of the time."

Okay. That felt a little personal. I always buy them what they want for birthdays. But, I will admit they only get 1 toy from us and one from Santa. Of course, they get each other toys, and toys from everyone else, so they are by no means neglected. Still, my feelings were pricked. My honor as a mommy was on the line, people, and I was not about to let these little digs go unanswered! I fired right back at the little toot:

"You know, the most important thing you can do as a mommy is raise your children to love God." THERE! I told her! More toys. Homeschooling. Who does she think she is? 7 year old little punk...

"I'm going to read scripture to them in the morning, and in the afternoon, and at night. My kids will hear lots of Bible stories and know lots of scripture!"

Okay. I conceded defeat. If she accomplishes all of this she will be a better mommy than me. But I still think she has too many toys. So there.

Popcorn's reasons for homeschooling
1. You are not allowed to whistle in class. In fact, the only place you are allowed to whistle at school is on the playground, and there you can talk and yell with your friends, so why whistle?
2. You are not allowed to run in the hall. She is just too hyper to walk around all of the time. Seriously. She told me that very excuse.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Bucket of Vomit in My Garage

Friday: I picked a bucket of peppers. Noticed the poblano's had spider webs in their little wrinkles...Yuck! I then placed the peppers in a bucket of water...To drown the spiders, y'know.

Saturday: Studmuffin decided to make roast.

"Hey, Babe! How about roast for dinner? Do we have any peppers?"

"Oh shoot. I picked some yesterday, but the poblanos had webs in them, so they are still sitting in a bucket of water in the sink in the garage...I hope they're still good."

Studmuffin brought in some peppers, sliced them up, then threw them in the roast.

Sunday: I walked into the garage. I saw the bucket of water with peppers in it. Hmmm....

"I better drain that water off and see if those peppers are any good." So, without further thought, or consideration of consequences of peppers sitting in a warm bucket of water for 3 days, I dumped the whole kit and caboodle in the garage sink.

The smell almost knocked me off my feet...

I fled the scene.

"Studmuffin! Seriously, I almost just puked. That bucket of pepper has rotted and it smells like vomit!"

"Do you need me to take care of it!"

I stopped in my tracks. I was shocked. But very grateful...."YES!!!"

1.5 seconds later: Studmuffin bursts back into the house. Apparently the smell had spread through the garage. It was horrific...And, some of the peppers had turned into slime and slid down in the drain. (Remember, I just picked up the bucket and DUMPED. I confess to no forethought in this action. Forethought has never been my strong point.)

He opened the doors. He tackled the problem. He cleaned up my mess, that I'm pretty sure is somehow his fault, because he should have emptied the water when he grabbed peppers yesterday!

And, let me tell you he has whined about his hand stinking all evening. He washed it. He rubbed lemon on it. He rubbed it on a stainless steel spoon.

He claims it still stinks.

What a wimp.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

What Happens When I'm Bored...

I went outside this morning and sat in my favorite chair that I got for a steal at a junk store and read my Bible...I'm in Deuteronomy. Seriously, I've always found Deuteronomy boring, but strangely I'm enjoying it. Sadly, I still can not say the same for Leviticus. All I can say about that is...Pfpfpfpfp...

Attention: I drank 4 cups of coffee while reading this morning...Perhaps that's why it was so fascinating?

Attention: I have been unable to find a cushion that fits this chair and ottoman that I feel is reasonably priced. I fear I will have to resort to making my own...With hot glue, as I refuse to sew!

However, I also learned a fascinating fact while Popcorn was sitting on my ottoman, and recounting every thought that flitted through her mind (yes, while I was reading my Bible. I'm pretty sure God is sympathetic to distractions) "Mom, wouldn't it be funny if you heard a dragonfly talk? Only, it's voice wouldn't be tiny and high like you think. It would be big and angry."


Then, we came in and painted some sun catchers. And colored pictures of bunnies, rhinos, elephants and chickens...

My sister Paula, who suddenly has a blog that she actually has had since April, but never told us about so now I can no longer refer to her as the sister who doesn't blog...asked how the candied jalapenos turned out. I will let you know in a few weeks the final verdict, as the recipe instructed me to wait one to two weeks before eating for flavors to blend well. Of course, I snitched a taste while they were cooking. I dipped out a spoonful and let it cool, then ate it straight... No cracker, no cream cheese, nada...It tasted great, but they were HOT!!!~ Thank goodness I didn't follow the recipe, and took the seeds out of half the seeds!

I was craving chocolate chip cookies. I didn't have enough butter, and refused to make a half batch. Therefore, I busted out this recipe for yogurt cookies I was given before we left South Texas. I never tried it because it said "do not use flavored or low fat yogurt." Of course, I always have flavored low fat yogurt on hand, and never plain! Well, I decided to ignore those instructions, and I used raspberry flavored low fat yogurt! And, instead of using half Crisco, I used all yogurt!

Born to be WI-I-I-I-ILD!

Attention: My rebellions serve no purpose other than allowing me to avoid going to the store for a treat I don't even need...

While the cookies were baking, I remembered I had a brownie mix in the pantry. Out of fear that the cookies wouldn't turn out so well, I mixed it up, melted some peanut butter and swirled it through...

Then, while the cookies cooled, I decided to make some butter cream frosting, as that was the recommended topping, because "these taste like little cakes!"

Guess what? I didn't follow their recipe for butter cream frosting either! Does anyone actually measure their powdered sugar when making frosting? Plus, it called for 1 1/2 sticks of butter, and I only had one, so I was doomed to rebellion all over again!

I decided the picture of the cookies on the rack just didn't do them justice...And, the brownies are unappetizing in the pan...However, on a lime green Fiesta plate, with a cup of coffee in the background...PRESTO!!! Of course with coffee, because I MUST have coffee with sweets!

Attention: I do not dust. That is abundantly clear in this photo. My children are the official dusters in this house, and with one sick, the chores are falling behind. It seems one feels she needs help with dusting, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen and scooping poop. I said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you. I guess you better get busy!"

Attention: I had to brew a few cups of coffee for purposes of this post. And, I refuse to waste perfectly good coffee. Therefore, I am currently drinking the coffee I just brewed, 4 hours after drinking FOUR cups this morning. And, for some unknown reason, I brewed FOUR cups again.

Pity my husband. I fear I may be a little hopped up on sugar and caffeine....

Now... I'm going to go mow the yard. I skipped lunch, due to the stomach ache I had from sampling the sweets. Of course, I will have the inevitable sugar crash in about 15 minutes that I always get after eating sweets, which is why I typically avoid any sweets except a single square of dark chocolate with coffee every day around 2pm...I need to burn off some calories and energy....

I seem to have injured my back during a workout yesterday, but have no idea how. I just know that in the middle of jumping jacks my back felt jarred...Then, I was unable to complete the workout due to the twisting pains. I'm pretty sure riding the mower in our amazingly smooth yard will do the trick to work out my kinks. And, if that doesn't work, pushing the other mower through the back yard will definitely finish it off!

So, in recap:

1. I bake when I'm bored.

2. Dragon flies are ill tempered with deep voices.

3. I have consumed entirely too much caffeine and sugar.

4. My family will be paying for my actions the remainder of the day.

5. The cookies are fabulous, if a bit spongy. However, that could be due to some other mistake I made. Who knows!

6. Have you ever made pumpkin muffins with canned pumpkin and yellow cake mix? Well, the consistency is the exact same...Of course if you've never tried this, the comparison means nothing to you, and for that all I can say is: I'm sorry you made a bad decision and wasted time reading this post!

7. Number 6 does not recap any portion of this post.

8. I'm having difficulty keeping up with my thoughts...Again, in all honesty, you might want to drop to your knees and pray for my husband, who will have to live with the results of my poor decisions dietary wise today...

9. My husband asked what was for lunch...I stared at him blankly and pointed to the cookies and brownies...

Friday, August 13, 2010

Just Another Day in Paradise

Oliver complained to me the minute I got up this morning that he wanted in the house.

I decided to oblige him. I've spent the last 3 days slowly cutting his hair. Yesterday, while he was sleeping on his back, I tackled his tummy...He informed me I was finished by grabbing my arm with all four paws and digging in his claws...

Don't worry. He got his ultimate revenge today. I walked into my bedroom to find him peeing on my quilt...

So. Instead of starting my candied jalapenos, I started laundry...

I plan to lay around and read a book while my sheets dry on the line.

Yes, I'm settling quite nicely into the role of housewife. Too bad my mom is coming to take care of the sick one next week so I can work...

What I've accomplished on my unexpected week off:

1. Salsa!
2. Jalapeno jelly
3. Candied jalapenos
4. Cleaned out the girls drawers and closets.
5. Made brownies
6. Found a recipe for Chocolate Espresso Cookies...Those will be coming very soon. Probably tomorrow.

And, now I'm off to be as unproductive as possible! (Excluding laundry and cooking meals of course, but really, I've found no way to avoid these two tasks.)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Lost at Sea

Okay, not really.

But I feel that way.

I know you would NEVER have guessed this about me, but I'm about to reveal a Deep. Dark. Secret.

I'm a planner.

Aren't you surprised? (not) From the menu, to the budget, to housework, even down to what we will eat on our weekend at the lake.... I plan.

Planny planny plan plan!

Guess what? I just got a big ole kink thrown in all of my plans!

I have a sick child. Now, I'm not at liberty to reveal the details of this illness, as the child in question is embarrassed by any illness, and while this is not a serious illness, it is one that takes some time to get over...

An unknown time.

As in, could be days. Could be weeks. Definitely months for full recovery back to the cartwheeling down the grocery store aisles self...

So. I'm at home for the rest of the week. I initially started a post that was going to be funny and sarcastic about what I would do with all of this time at home. After all, I've always aspired to be a trophy wife, so this is the perfect opportunity to pretend to be one...

I found myself utterly unable to be silly or sarcastic or lighthearted.

Isn't it amazing how we all fulfill certain roles? Funny, sarcastic, lighthearted has always been my role. Others may disagree, but that's always been the role I've felt cast in. Of course, the sarcasm is frequently directed at myself. It's funnier that way, you see. Anyhoo, I found myself unable to fulfill the role I play, even if it's a role that I have found tiresome at times, and downright resentful of at times also. Because honestly, there have been times when I just want to say "Well, I don't' feel like telling a funny story today. I don't feel like making you feel better. Deal with it. Move on. Good bye."

Aren't I such a nice person on the inside?

So. Here I am. No plans. Unable to make any extended plans.

In fact, I'm unable to even complete tasks I start today. I'm just wandering around, starting stuff, shifting things from one place to another, and feeling lost...

Hating that!

Every praise song is making me weep. Every verse of scripture is pointing a big finger at me. God is speaking to me. I'm listening.

(But I don't want to)

Yes, God, I know that You know the plans You have for me. Plans to prosper me and not harm me. Plans full of hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) You see, I like the plans I had for myself right now. So, if You could just sort of tweak your plan to better fit my plan, I'd like that a whole lot. Okay?


How about Psalm 20:4? You will give me the desire of my heart and make all my plans succeed? I like this verse! Can we just take it out of context for a minute and pretend that this is all this verse is about, and not bringing glory to You, with all that You have given me, but rather just fulfilling the plans that I want?


Well. Oooookay then. I guess I will remember that You have a plan. It's a good plan. A plan that stands firm forever according to Psalm 33:11. I guess if it's going to stand that long, You know what You're doing...


Confession: I'm still not doing so hot with this not knowing the plan thing.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD'S purpose that prevails.

Maybe that one makes me feel better. I'll try to soften up to this whole "You have a plan, You know what it is, and I should trust You."

But really.

Is it too much to be given a concrete time frame? Two weeks? 12 Days? How long?

You see, I have a budget that will now need tweaking. Coworkers who are working short...

And, a child who is letting me hold her on my lap and read the entire Diary of... series by Doreen Cronin, when that hasn't happened in a L.O.N.G time..

So, I guess I'll try to savor this moment...

But since I've decided to sit back and savor...I just want to know how long the moment will last. You see, being the planner that You created me to be, I'm pretty sure I will be able to savor it all the more if I have a slightly more precise time line...

And yes, I see that you have directed my thoughts to Matthew 6. I know You clothe the lilies of the field. I know You provide food for the birds, and surely I'm worth more to You than flowers or birds!

So, I will try not to worry as it is abundantly clear that it will get me nowhere. I will try to face the worries of today, as they are big enough for me to handle.

But I won't be very good at it!

Ecclesiastes 3
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

When to Remain Silent

I haven't figured this out.

I'm actually quite terrible at it, as you can imagine...

Unless, of course I should be speaking up, and then I am entirely too silent.

Last week one of our doctors asked me about a former coworkers husband. He has pancreatic cancer and a very short time to live. Her first husband died of cancer as did her current husband's first wife. Naturally, they are both devastated. Someone mentioned that they were going on a trip, to which my doctor replied, "Well, of course! You have to grab life while you can before you're floating around in some ethereal space with no chance to touch the things that matter!"

What? I was stunned at his statement. I KNOW Dr. S knows I'm a Christian. There is no way he hasn't noticed me praying with patients as we begin procedures. At least, I hope he realizes I'm a Christian. Have I been too silent about my faith?

Then, he continued, "That's what gets me about Christians. They are scared of dying because they aren't sure where they'll go. Muslim KNOW where they're going, so they will blow themselves up to get there. But Christians don't really know where they are going."

"Well," I said, "Actually, Christians do know where they are going, and J and K know where he's going, but that doesn't mean they aren't scared of what will happen before he gets there!"

"That's what I mean, they are not SURE that's where he's going. Otherwise they wouldn't be afraid!"

"Well, if you told me I was going to die tomorrow, I would probably be scared. I'm a Christian, and I know where I will go, so the fear is not for myself. It's worry for my husband and my kids and my parents. I wouldn't want them to suffer because I'm gone."

And sadly, the conversation ended there. I was silent too soon. I kick myself that I did not say, "You know,everyone can know for certain they are going to heaven to spend eternity with Christ where there will be no sorrows, no pain, no suffering ever again. I can tell you how YOU can know that for yourself."

But, I didn't. We were actually in the middle of a CT guided liver biopsy and the CT scan was complete, so we went back into the room with the patient, and I did not pick the topic back up after the needle was placed in his liver and we were repeat scanning to ensure accurate placement for the biopsy...

I let the moment slip by.

I was silent too soon.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

I Never Was Like the Other Girls

Attention: As I started this post, I realized I had started a similar post and never completed it back in May, so I'll paste it here, then continue with my thought process, which of course, is long and drawn out....

There are indicators that I could possibly be a Nerd.

Or at the very least different.


An Original.

One of A Kind.

Or...If you must say.... I'm nerdy.

Studmuffin and I celebrated 14 years of wedded bliss on Tuesday. We decided to paint the town.

We started the evening with an incredibly fattening meal at Olive Garden. I heart Olive Garden.

I heart their salad. Their bread sticks....Their Seafood Portofino....

Okay, I feel my wasteline expanding as I type, so I need to move on.

We went to Bricktown in OKC and wandered around, then went to a movie.

Because we're such a romantic couple.

I love super hero movies. That's why we went to Iron Man 2. It was awesome. I loved it. I want to buy it. I can't wait to watch it again...

Here's a shocker: I refuse to go to movies that I know will make me cry, or read books that could possibly make me a better person. No. I would much rather read a trashy romance, or a Clive Cussler action novel or even Agatha Christy. I heart Miss Marple...

More indicators of my "differentness:"

I also don't like sports. Can you even imagine? I live in Oklahoma and I have zero interest in sports. I take my very best naps during football games. I do enjoy live basketball, and I even understand all of the rules, but I would rather read than watch it on TV.

I don't do technology. I blog. I check email. I look at facebook if someone friends me or sends me a message. But I don't own an iphone. I'm pretty sure it would be a waste of money. I would never bother to buy applications, or download them, or whatever. Have you noticed my blog remains unchanged? I can't be bothered to update my blog look! What are the odds I'd bother to try new apps?

Guess what else you will be surprised to know!!!

I don't buy music.

Not CD's.

Not down-loadable music.

No music.

Unless my kids want it, then Studmuffin downloads it, or I buy a CD and pop it in their stocking or valentine bag or Easter basket, or whatever.

Surely only strange people do not buy songs, but instead listen to the radio nonstop?

So, now I will continue with my new post, with a brief interruption to tell you that while I typically avoid chick flicks, the girls and I went to see Ramona and Beezus...


You will laugh! You will cry! You will love every stinkin' minute of it!

Returning to post:

I had an epiphany my freshman year of high school. I became glaringly aware that I was "not like the other kids." I remember very clearly that we were in Algebra. We were discussing which day of the month it was...I stated very confidently, "Well, today is Tuesday, so it is clearly the 14th."

Silence descended. My friends looked at me strangely. Jennifer finally said, "Why does being Tuesday make it the 14th?"

"Oh! I always look at the calendar at the beginning of each month so I can see which day of the week will be divisible by 7. This month it is Tuesday. That makes today the 14th."

Crickets chirped.

All eyes turned on me, with jaws slightly dropped...

I immediately blushed and began to sweat profusely...

And, I slowly realized that the other kids did not think like me. They thought I was totally weird to think that way at all...

And THAT, Gentle Reader, is the day that I realized I am just not like the other girls!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Nanny Diaries

Setting: The church choir room.
Situation: I am picking the girls up from their piano lessons. My nanny's younger sister is beginning her lesson...

Me: I don't think the girls will be able to do piano the week school starts. Rachel (the nanny) starts school the week before, so she won't be able to get them here in time.

Piano teacher: That's okay. I was thinking of taking the week off anyway.

Jessica (nanny's little sister): Oh! Rachel and I already worked it out. My lesson is at 4 and the girls have 5 and 5:30 during school, so she should be able to get us all here on time.

Me: See what I mean? These kids don't even need me anymore!

Jessica: Oh yeah, and since Rachel starts school before us (she is going to a different district), I will keep the girls week after next if your husband can drop them off at our house on his way to work.

Me: AAAANNND that just clinches it. I am obviously superfluous in this situation!